Misguided Desire

First part in a short story I'm working on.

   It all started with a chance meeting; Seeing her on a crowded street. The sound of rain hitting pavement and umbrellas. People rushing to the safety of a warm and cozy spot out of the dreary dampness. Everyone but her. There she stood, still in the midst of the desperate scramble. Most of her was hidden under clothing that was much too large for her tiny frame, but I could see enough to tell she was beautiful, I dare even say hauntingly so, with wild red hair half matted down with droplets of rain shining like an early morning dew. That was all it took, that one brief moment in time, to know that I needed her.
    If only I had known how easy it would be to give myself entirely to her, and how difficult she would later make it to crawl out from beneath her jagged claws. Maybe then I would have kept walking, chalked her up to another beautiful girl in this world of many, but I didn't, and that is how the nightmare began.
    I will spare you, my dear reader, the details of our brief but beautiful courting dance, for hearing them will only make you fall in love with her, painting a picture of deceit that you won't truly see until it is too late, just as I have; Lets just fast forward to when the trouble really began, shall we? 

Author's Note

This is an unfinished piece, the first part in a short story I am working on. I know where I am going, but am unsure of how to get there. Detailed, honest critique would be much appreciated. Thank you!

Reviews

[Bubo]

Well written opening........grabs us, and draws us in.........beautiful girl, and a happening, love it.......hope to see more!

[Crowley]

I agree with matt about the courting dance...more, more, more. I want to fall in love with her too. This was an intriguing start for sure, a little foreshadowing, a whole lot of good description and you followed the recipe to a teed...loved the start.

[Matt Pellegrini]

Ah, well I hope you don't just fast forward. I DO want to see and hear the "beautiful courting dance." I do like the direct reader address in the last paragraph too, and the idea that even just telling the story could endanger the reader the same way the narrator was is pretty cool and intriguing. I don't know why, since I haven't read much Poe, but for some reason it sounds a bit like him.

However, one thing that I feel is a bit overused in stories is the kind of generic, "How about we just start from where (blank) all began." In reality, didn't it all really begin in the previous paragraphs? I guess it's just a personal preference of mine though, maybe I've seen it a lot lately. Either way, it's a personal choice for you to make, so if you want to keep it, I don't think it will end up hindering the story in a way.