LoveFoolA Stage Play by Elisabeth A musical I wrote for something called Screnzy ACT I-Prudence Scene 1 Narrator 1 So love,what is it? is it kind? Is it forgiving? Is it mutual respect or is it this great painful thing that for some reason everyone wants. Narrator 2 Who was that guy who said that quote about love NARRATOR 1 Well at least you are being descriptive and helpful NARRATOR 2 Anyway the quote is- the truth is everyone is going to hurt you just gotta find that one person worth suffering for. NARRATOR 1 Too true, was that not Bob Marley? Oh whatever, whoever it was they were a genius. Narrator 2 I think so. NARRATOR 1 If a little odd but Love will cause you to suffer NARRATOR 2 What about true beautiful love? NARRATOR 1 What like Disney Beauty and the beast or snow white? NARRATOR 2 Exactly NARRATOR 1 Beast was totally abusive and the prince in Snow white was just a necrophiliac. NARRATOR 2 You are impossible. NARRATOR 1 I try. NARRATOR 2 So what about the love you see when you see two senior citizens walking hand in hand down the street gazing lovingly into each others eyes,still as in love at eighty as they were when they met as teenagers in high school, what do you call THAT? NARRATOR 1 I call it sickening, besides the old coot is probably cheating and she probably has a memory problem and forgets that she hates him from time to time. Love is not some beautiful magical thing with sparkles and bands and perfection. NARRATOR 2 You just asked if it was kind or forgiving and other stuff, why ask if you think you already know the answer. NARRATOR 1 I wanted to hear your opinion and it was exactly as I thought, you always are so bubble headed. Is it love when there is screaming at all hours, or blood everywhere from past fights? Is it love if one party cares a whole awful lot and the other does not give a damn? Is it love if the other party finds someone else behind you back or if your partner is drunk out of his or her mind all the time. NARRATOR 2 Well that's not love NARRATOR 1 What is it then NARRATOR 2 Foolishness NARRATOR 1 I rest my case. Spotlight goes on Prudence center stage PRUDENCE When I was a child, well right up into my teens actually, I read fairy tales. Any one that you have ever heard of, I have read, I guarantee it. So anyway I was filled with this notion that I could have a life like that. Sure I would have to go through some hard times but eventually my Prince would come and sweep me off my feet into a white corvette and we would ride off into the sunset. Hell I would settle for a random romantic guy and a sedan at this point. I have had them all the abuser, the drunk, the aloof, the cheater. Every bad relationship in the book. Is it not about time my prince came. Maybe I am not the princess maybe I am just the maid scrubbing the scuff marks on the floor that were caused when the prince Swept the princess off her feet. First of all there's David. Scene 2 NARRATOR 1 I told you love was bad NARRATOR 2 Shh I want to watch this, the poor girl. NARRATOR 1 That is sick NARRATOR 2 You are one to talk. Scene in a bathroom with a kitchen off to the side, Prudence wiping blood off of her lip. David Go start dinner PRUDENCE F**k off David Excuse me? PRUDENCE You are a f*****g a*****e David You are a useless little s**t David spits a tooth at her, both of them are equally bruised. Due Prudence You hit me once David My black eye casts no shadow Prudence Your red eye sees nothing David Your slap don't stick Prudence Your kicks don't hit Both So we remain the same A kiss with a fist is better then none Prudence I broke your jaw once before David I spilled your blood upon the floor Prudence You broke my leg in return So sit back and watch the bed burn Love sticks Sweat drips You hit me once A kick to the teeth is good for some DAVID You do not know how good you got it PRUDENCE You know what David I am done DAVID Done what? Certainly not dinner you have not even started that yet PRUDENCE No I am done all this constant fighting, you hit me then I hit you then we have sex hen we fight again what is the point DAVID Oh babe... PRUDENCE NO! Don't awe babe me DAVID Come we can change we will go to err couples counseling or something, we can change. PRUDENCE You always say that David, and every time we change for a few days and I think that we might actually love each other and then another day or another week or sometimes even a month goes by and then we are back to the awkward hospital trips and me scrubbing blood stains off of clothes while you go have fun. David this is horrible and I just can not take it any more. I am going to go pack my things David I will Stay with lily or Sophie or something. David Fine go but do not come crawling back when you miss this sugar and oh trust me you will. So go I can make my own dinner and anyway you fight like a girl! PRUDENCE Oh f**k you Exit prudence Quick black out with a reprise of song and narrators NARRATOR 1 So there is another relationship that is an abysmal failure. NARRATOR 2 You talk like there are never any successful relationships. NARRATOR 1 Well most are not NARRATOR 2 Romeo and Juliet NARRATOR 1 A very romantic story about teenage suicide. NARRATOR 2 The titanic NARRATOR 1 The B***h should have shared the door with Leonardo. NARRATOR 2 The characters name was jack NARRATOR 1 Who cares, I was looking at Leonardo DI Caprio. NARRATOR 2 Beauty and the beast NARRATOR 1 He was abusive and the chick was into beastiality NARRATOR 2 I give up NARRATOR 1 Finally although I could do this all day. NARRATOR 2 I am sure you could. Scene 3 Side door to Sophie's house three friends inside Prudence has suitcases PRUDENCE Hi Sophie Sophie Seeing bags Did you finally leave him Prudence? PRUDENCE I did Sophie Finally! GUYS GUESS WHO LEFT THE A*****E. From other room Meryl At least she had a man LILLY Is it Prudence? SophiE Look can I crash here for a few days you know until I get my own place Walking into Sophie's living room Meryl And a job LILLY You'll need new nails if you are getting a job interview. Sophie Of course you can stay with me girl absoulutly any time anyway I will cut your hair we will give you a whole new look and then you can get out and get a real man. PRUDENCE No I think I might be done with men, at least for the moment I mean would I be able to flirt looking like this? LILLY We just said we were going to give you a make over. Maybe you can show David just how much he lost! MERYL He was at least a man with a steady job Prudence Meryl, If i stayed much longer one of us would die. SOPHIE Yeah David, cause I would kill him. Prudence SOPHIE! SOPHIE Well it is true Prudence, he was a jerk LILLY Yeah like who hits a girl PRUDENCE I hit him too LILLY yeah but that is so different. Prudence Yes it is Lilly. LILLY Okay any way, When you are ready Prudence I know a guy to set you up on a date with I heard he is a real cutie. Prudence I thought you said you knew him. LILLY Well I do not know him personally but I know Chery and Chery knows Anne and Ann's husband's sister in law's younger brother is single and Chery said ann said that Ann's husband said that his sister in law's younger brother is hot. Prudence Lilly, I do not really think so. LILLY Awe, go on then, it is not like I am asking you to marry this guy I am just saying one date. PRUDENCE One BLIND date. LILLY Why would it be blind he can see just fine he was twenty-twenty vision I think.... PRUDENCE No I mean ah never mind LILLY SO anyway, one date it's a free meal and besides I am sure he is one sweet piece of eye candy. Prudence Fine what is his name Lilly So you are going to go? Sophie It is a question give prudence a break Lilly! Meryl Just go on the date Prudence! SOPHIE Meryl I swear to god if you and Lilly do not leave Prudence alone about it so help me god I will kick you out. Meryl Fine just saying. SOPHIE I do not care Prudence So what is it Lilly? Lilly What? Prudence What is his name Lilly Whose name? Prudence This guy you want me to go out on a date with! Lilly Oh right- long pause- PRUDENCE LILLY WHAT IS HIS NAME LILLY Do not get so cranky it is Travis SOPHIE Prudence would you like a cup of tea you look worn out. Meryl She always does PRUDENCE I would thank you Sophie Sophie exits LILLY So you are considering this date PRUDENCE I do not know Lilly, I can not take another relationship like this one, hell I do not even know if I want another relationship ever. I always seem to get hurt. Meryl That is because you are too picky Prudence you really are. SOPHIE Shut up Meryl. Lilly tell this Travis guy to cool his jets for at the very least a month okay. LILLY Fine anyway Prudence. Chery said Anne said that Travis is this beautiful steamy piece of sexy a*s the tall dark quiet one and he is Italian Prudence, think about it Italian. SOPHIE Leave her alone wait did you say Italian? LILLY Yup SOPHIE You have got to go for this girl you really do. PRUDENCE Can we just relax and not talk about it please. Meryl Sure Prudence LILLY So Yesterday Mark was all like- PRUDENCE I am going to go crash SOPHIE Sure thing, you know where the spare room is. LILLY, SOPHIE, MERYL Night Prudence. Prudence Good night Exit Prudence. Scene 4 Outside a restaurant at the left of the stage Travis far right at a table. PrudencE Lilly I am still not sure about this LILLY It has been like two months Prudence, Travis has been really patient and he is inside waiting you can not make him wait again. PRUDENCE But Lilly... LILLY That is enough go in, get a feww meal, flirt, be sexy and go home. It does not have to be any thing serious because of one date. PRUDENCe But... LILLY Bye Prudence have fun Lilly exits stage Prudence joins Travis. PRUDENCE Are you Travis? TRAVIS Yes I am, are you Prudence PRUDENCE Yes I am TRAVIS Lovely to finally meet you please sit PRUDENCE Yes sorry about that it is just I just came out of a really serious relationship and I just needed to get my head screwed on straight before I tried another relationship you know to be fair. Anyway what do you know about me I am afraid I do not know very much about you I mean... Travis You seem nervous PRUDENCE Well maybe a little bit I am sorry Travis Do not be, wine? PRUDENCE Please. Travis Good so tell me about yourself Fade to black spot lights to the side for narrators for scene change. Scene 5 NARRATOR 1 So she is digging her own grave again NARRATOR 2 Do not say that maybe it is really love this time NARRATOR 1 Oh I am so sure and pigs fly NARRATOR 2 Well there was swine flu. NARRATOR 1 Oh very funny. NARRATOR 2 So what happens? NARRATOR 1 What? NARRATOR 2 Is it just the one date? NARRATOR 1 The fool soon lives with him NARRATOR 2 Do not call her that she is not a fool! NARRATOR 1 She's not? Open to Travis and Prudence eating dinner. PRUDENCE Travvy I am not wearing any panties tonight. TRAVIS That is nice PRUDENCE I slept with someone else last night TRAVIS That is nice Prudence That is it. I am so gone. TRAVIS Really because I am pretty sure I see you right there Prudence I can not take this any more Travis. TRAVIS Hmm? You can not take me paying the bills and supporting you fully and completely? Prudence You only support me because you made me quit my job. Travis Whatever, You should be less ungrateful PRUDENCE Good bye Travis. Travis Enjoy the streets, my dinner is getting cold. PRUDENCE I am the one who cooked that damn meal you f*****g jerk! Travis Not well Prudence pushes food off table TRAVIS Well look now the food is on the floor now that is rather unfortunate is it not. Prudence How can you be so devoid of emotion LOVE ME Travis and I will stay , please. Travis Say what? Prudence I love you! Travis I love you? PRUDENCE Is that so hard to say Prudence sings to stock still Travis and eventually cries at his feet. Dear, I fear we're facing a problem Travis leaves mid song, Prudence sits down and cries with a bottle of liquor and a shot glass. Prudence V.O Maybe I am not meant for love I have been reduced to begging for love honest to goodness begging and I still can not get it. Maybe I am destined to be alone and miserable I mean this is pathetic, If i am with some one I always end up crying all I want is love but maybe love simply is not for me. Black out for scene change into the bedroom, cover it with narrators talking NARRATOR 1 I knew it would not work out NARRATOR 2 Well that is because you are just a pessimist. NARRATOR 1 I am not a pessimist I am simply right. Just as I said she is a fool. NARRATOR 2 No she is not, This guy just does not love her. I am sure her true love will show up and treat her the way she deserves NARRATOR 1 What is Prince Charming going to come get her? Is he going to swoop in on a white horse with a crown on his head and a crown for her and they will just ride off into the sunset and have a nice fairy tale happily ever after, is that what you are saying is going to happen to her? NARRATOR 2 No but- NARRATOR 1 I would not think so because that is not what is going to happen if she is lucky she will get a semi loving office worker who is never around and she will have two fat little kids end of story. NARRATOR 2 You think what you want I will think what I want. Scene 6 Travis Prudence are you some where around here. PRUDENCE Bedroom. Travis I knew you would still be here Tries to hug her from behind and kiss her. PRUDENCE I am serious Travis I am leaving you Travis Why? PRUDENCE Because you do not love me. Travis I love you, there now feel better? PRUDENCE No Travis I do not feel better, I thought for a while there that I could pretend you loved me and just get by on the facade but you really do not and I can not pretend anymore either. You do not love me and I do not love you why pretend any longer? TRAVIS I can say I love you more often? PRUDENCE It is too late Travis I have to leave, I tried crying, and begging and even praying but you do not love me, you even seem to have trouble just saying it. Travis I realize I do not act like it but I really do love you Prudence. PRUDENCE Why DO you not act it? Travis You said you liked the tall strong silent type. PRUDENCE There is tall strong and silent and then there is just plain inconsiderate. I have tried everything Travis EVERYTHING and you have hardly even noticed. I tried making fancy dinner's, tried being romantic I offered you a bloody three way with any of my friends and I and you still did not go for it I thought that was every red blooded males wet dream! Travis Well... PRUDENCE No Travis. Goodbye. Travis You are in a lease with me for another six months! PRUDENCE I will send you checks in the mail. Travis How could you, you do not even have a job. PRUDENCE I will find a way, One of my friends will help me. TRAVIS For how long think about this woman. PRUDENCE I am, I am sure my old job will take me and I will stay with one of my friends. Travis let you mooch off them like you mooch off of me PRUDENCE I do not mooch off you, YOU MADE ME QUIT MY JOB and anyway I am sure my old job will take me back, Give up Travis I am leaving. Why do you want me to stay any way I know for a fact that you do not love me, so what is it. Travis Well... PRUDENCE Well what? You do not have a reason do you Travis I um need you to cook I mean clean I mean love me. PRUDENCE You f*****g b*****d, I hate that I ever wanted you love I hate that I f*****g begged for you to love me. I regret the day I ever set eyes on your pale little face. You are pathetic, your job is pathetic and you a lazy slob. I am so much better than you and I can not believe I did not realize it until now. I do not care any more I am free. I hate you. Good bye you sorry excuse for human life. Prudence pushes Travis aside and exits, black out. NARRATOR 2 Damn she told him! NARRATOR 1 Not really NARRATOR 2 She so did too! She told him just how much she did not care about him that has got to sting him after all that begging she did I mean she has been stroking his ego since day one and she just popped that balloon. NARRATOR 1 The tears that were rolling down that little girls face sort of ruined her whole I do not care thing did it not. NARRATOR 2 He probably did not even notice that she was crying. NARRATOR 1 Okay even he is not that blind. NARRATOR 2 I still thing she told him. NARRATOR 1 Doubt he cares though. NARRATOR 2 The next guy is the winner I just know it. NARRATOR 1 I am so sure. Scene 7 Same sort of set up as Sophie's but different house it is Lilly's LILLY Prudence? What are you doing here. PRUDENCE I ended it with Travis. LILLY Come on in, I am so sorry about it not working out. PRUDENCE It is not your fault. LILLY I still feel bad make yourself at home I am going to call up Meryl and Sophie you know they would kill me if they were not here for this. PRUDENCE Sometimes I think you guys get sadistic joy out of my breakups LILLY Now that is just silly. Exit Lilly, Enter Rick Rick Oh hi Prudence, when did you get here. PRUDENCE just now Rick Oh PRUDENCE Yup Rick Break up Prudence Yes Rick Oh PRUDENCE so umm how are you Rick Evidently better than you PRUDENCE Ha yea Rick yeah um I have to go out here... Exit Rick enter lilly PRUDENCE Thank god LILLY What PRUDENCE Awkward conversation with Mark LILLY I do not get why you guys can not talk, Mark is wonderful. PRUDENCE Yeah LILLY Anyway Meryl and Sophie will be here soon neither of them are bringing their cars, I could not do that. PRUDENCE Does Sophie not live two streets down and Meryl three streets up? LILLY Yeah so it is such a walk! Prudence uh-huh LILLY I feel so bad for you I mean I did set you up with Travis, but you know I never would have if I knew what a jerk he is. PRUDENCE I know you would not have Lilly. LILLY Look um PRUDENCE Do not even think about it Lilly LILLY What? PRUDENCE No more blind dates, no more set ups, no more anythings LILLY But Prudence ... PRUDENCE No Lilly. LILLY Fine, Oh sounds like the girls are here Enter Meryl and Sophie Meryl You left ANOTHER man? SOPHIE Finally you have been miserable for months and it was getting sort of irritating. PRUDENCE Shut up SOPHIE I am just kidding PRUDENCE Uh-huh I am so sure Sophie I did tell you Travis was no good. LILLY Oh hush, do you really think that is what she wants to hear right now? SOphie Well it is true is it now PRUDENCE Look I knew he was no good I always did SOPHIE But as always... PRUDENCE I was blind and stupid, thank you guys so much for sticking by me it means a lot to me. LILLY Sure thing sweetheart you can stay with me for a while till you get on your feet and a job and a place and maybe a new boy. PRUDENCE Oh Lilly.. LILLY No I feel bad, I feel like it is my fault. PRUDENCE I doubt I will have a new man in my life for a long time Meryl Nonsense PRUDENCE No I mean it,I am absolutely completely all done with men. I will go be a nun or something. SOPHIE You are not catholic PRUDENCE I will pretend SOPHIE You know becoming a nun is not the answer Meryl Besides it seems dreary PRUDENCE anyway those arguments aside.... I am done. SOPHIE So you picked a bad apple this time- PRUDENCE Try a whole basket. SOPHIE Fine but sooner or later I am sure you will find the one PRUDENCE I thought I HAD found the one With David and again with Travis SOPHIE There are plenty of fish? PRUDENCE I do not want a fish! SOPHIE You know what I mean PRUDENCE I Geuss SOPHIE I vote for a strip club. No votes come on. All leave stage pushing Prudence. Scene 8 NARRATOR 1 Then she discovers the joys of marriage. NARRATOR 2 That sounds rather sarcastic NARRATOR 1 It is why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free NARRATOR 2 That is a little sexist NARRATOR 1 Happens Fade out narrators light on Prudence and business man PRUDENCE Joey why are you so late JOEY Working late. PRUDENCE You always work late Joey Some one needs to. PRUDENCE Can you not come home early just once. Joey Prudence, you knew my job was demanding when you married me. PRUDENCE How do I get Joey How can you say things like that, I support you I make love to you once a week Prudence You treat it like a duty not love. Do I have to cheat on you just to make you care. Joey Are you cheating on me? Prudence NO! But I do not know why I do not a stranger would love me more than you. Joey Now that is just not fair prudence Prudence Is it? when is my birthday Joey? What is my favorite color d****t what is my eye color would you know without looking? If I close my eyes like this can you tell me? Joey Now that is still not fair Prudence Tell me Joey! Joey Blue Prudence THEY ARE GREEN WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR TWO YEARS AND YOU DO NOT KNOW Joey You do not know mine. Prudence Oh really? Your eyes are brown your favorite color is hunter green your birthday is the eighth day of March you are allergic to peanuts and your favorite television program is CSI: Miami. I know just about everything there is to know about you and you know nothing about me. Joey That is not true! Prudence Oh yeah? Name three things about me Joey Um your hair is- Prudence About my personality Joey Well... Prudence You can't can you. Can you even think of one thing or better yet two good reasons why I should stay in a love less one sided marriage. Joey The paper work would be just atrocious to fill out and of course- Prudence That is your reasoning? The paper work? I should stay with you just because you do not want to fill out the damned divorce papers??? Joey look. Prudence I am leaving you Joey, I will upstairs packing my things if you can think of two good reasons for me to stay before I finish packing I will stay but I highly doubt you will be able to. Fade out to narrators Narrator 1 Was that not joyous NARRATOR 2 Oh pipe down NARRATOR 1 You know what is fun NARRATOR 2 *sigh* What NARRATOR 1 Within a year she is in yet another marriage NARRATOR 2 You are kidding NARRATOR 1 Nope NARRATOR 2 Maybe she is a fool. Scene 9 Bobby enters and Prudence is already there. Bobby Hey babe what are you still doing up PRUDENCE What are you doing just getting home Bobby I was playing cards with the boys you know that. PRUDENCE Oh well in that case characters embrace PRUDENCE Which of the boys was wearing channel number five Bobby What? PRUDENCE And which of them was wearing lipstick and found it necessary to kiss your neck. Bobby This is not what you are thinking PRUDENCE Oh it is not then what is it Bobby? Bobby Do you not trust me? PRUDENCE I thought I could Bobby Because we can not be in a relationship together if there is not trust. PRUDENCE No you can not turn this into me being the wounded party Bobby I know what you have been doing and it is not playing cards with your buddies. Bobby What? PRUDENCE Admit it Bobby what have you been doing? Bobby Nothing I- PRUDENCE NO MORE LIES Bobby. No more lies just tell me the truth Bobby Oh but babe PRUDENCE What, what excuses and lies are you going to come up with now. Bobby Do not think of this as a bad thing babe think of it as.. PRUDENCE As what Bobby An oppourtunity PRUDENCE You are incorrigible Bobby Well you are always saying our sex life needs some spicing up. PRUDENCE Oh you are not about to say what I think you are about to say. Bobby what do you think I am going to say PRUDENCE Before I say tell me yes or no were you with another woman. Bobby Yes but- PRUDENCE You f*****g jerk! Bobby Please hear me out PRUDENCE Why the f**k should I you son of a b***h! Bobby Look Prudence I just think maybe you could give it a shut PRUDENCE Who the f**k do you think I am? Bobby I am not trying to- PRUDENCE Call me a w***e, disrespect me? Treat me like a stupid bimbo? Bobby No way babe PRUDENCE Do not call me that Bobby well do not be such a Prude PRUDENCE You cheating lying son of a b***h. Exit Prudence, Bobby's clothes fly onto the stage as if thrown PRUDENCE GET OUT YOU SON OF A B***H Bobby Can we not talk about this PRUDENCE What is there to talk about you cheated on me you are not sorry and you even have the f*****g balls to want me to join in you sexist uncaring jerk! Bobby But Babe PRUDENCE OUT Fade to black out except narrators NARRATOR 2 Poor girl she just can not catch a break can she? NARRATOR 1 I guess not. NARRATOR 2 Does she ever find love, I hope she does. NARRATOR 1 Who knows? NARRATOR 2 I wish she would not be so defeatist NARRATOR 1 What? NARRATOR 2 You know always looking at the worst aspects of everything and almost never even noticing the silver lining on the cloud. NARRATOR 1 So? Her way of living is more realistic. NARRATOR 2 It is not. It is a very sad way to live. NARRATOR 1 Living as if the sun will always come up is just as bad. NARRATOR 2 Oh yeah? NARRATOR 1 Yeah NARRATOR 2 Prove it. Act 2- Jude Scene 1 NARRATOR 1 Look at him NARRATOR 2 who NARRATOR 1 Him. He is just about as opposite to our friend Prudence as possible. NARRATOR 2 I am confused NARRATOR 1 He has just as much bad luck as Prudence has had and he still seems to think everything will look up and let me tell you it will not. NARRATOR 2 How can you be so sure? Spot light on Jude Jude I always like to go through life with the 'glass half full' philosophy. Some people call me a fool for this but I just think it is a healthier way to live than being all doom and gloom all the time. I mean what does that accomplish, thinking that way is how you end up old and alone. lights all up Lisa is making breakfast Jude Lisa Lisa Yes Jude Jude Are you happy in this relationship Lisa Well of course how could you ask such a silly question Jude Are you really Lisa Of course I am, what has gotten into you. Jude Oh nothing, never mind I am just being silly you are right. LISA Good anyway right after breakfast I have to go to work. Jude It is Sunday though is the bank not closed? LISA Oh well uh it is. Jude Then why are you going babe? Lisa Well it is closed to customers that is it but there is money counting we have to do and safe checking and cleaning. JUDE Cleaning? Lisa Yes... cleaning Jude Do you not have a staff of caretakers for that Lisa Yes but they are on strike. Jude They are? I never saw anything on the news. Lisa Well it is a fairly new strike I'll bet that it will be on the news next week. Jude Oh okay would you like a ride to work. Lisa NO Jude whoa Lisa I mean you have other things to do right Jude I suppose. Tell you went I am going to sweep you off your feet and we will have a romantic evening together Lisa Oh no that is okay Hun you do not have to do that for me. Jude But I want to Lisa No really it is okay Jude Lisa is there something you need to tell me? Lisa Like what? Jude Tell me the truth Lisa Lisa I am. Jude DO NOT LIE TO ME. Lisa, are you going to another man. Lisa Yes. Jude Okay Lisa if you promise to stop I will forgive you and we can stay together. Lisa I really am sorry Jude I love you Jude I love you too Fade to black except narrators Narrator 1 He is a fool Narrator 2 No he is trusting Narrator 1 He is an idiot. Narrator 2 No he just wants love Narrator 1 Is this supposed to be an argument AGAINST him being an idiot, because it seems more like an argument for him being an idiot. Narrator 2 You will see. Jude and Lisa in an antsy position, Lisa is late and smells like another mans cologne. Jude Lisa where were you LISa out Jude With who Lisa No one JUDE I know what you were doing, he called for you yesterday. Lisa what? JUDE Daniel Lisa So what Jude Are you even sorry Lisa Not really Jude Shot through the heart and you're to blame Lisa Bad name Jude I play my part and you play your game Lisa Bad name Jude You give love, oh! Lisa Bad name Jude Shot through the heart and you're to blame Lisa Bad name JUDE I play my part and you play your game You give love a bad name Lisa Bad name Jude You give love LISA Bad name JUDE Yeah you give love LISA A bad name. End song JUDE Lisa I want you to leave LISA But Jude baby Jude Lisa You are not even sorry how could I possibly let us stay in this relationship together. Lisa But will you not miss all of this. Jude I miss the sweet girl I fell in love with Lisa She is still here Jude No she is not Lisa. Lisa come on babe can we not work this out Jude No Lisa you can f**k right off Lisa But Jude No you little tramp Lisa JUDE Jude you little s**t you can get out go find solace in David Lisa Daniel Jude GET OUT Lisa you will beg me back Jude you are delusional Lisa whatever Jude Daniel is a better man than you will ever be. Jude go on go see your pimp! Scene 2 Jude drinking with Derek Tom and rick Derek Dude drinking will not make you feel better. Jude Well I am determined to try Tom Derek has a point Jude, it will not make it hurt less. Rick Another bad chick maybe you should not date chicks for a while. Jude What do what Derek and Tom are doing. Come on marry me Rick Derek Hey! Jude No offense Tom Thank you Rick No I mean just buy a hooker when you want to get some JUDE That might be fine with that but I am not Rick Damn dude you sound as gay as those two. JUDE Shut it Rick Tom Anyway I have a buddy you could really get along with JUDE I am not switching sides just because of one bad relationship. DEREK It has not exactly been one relationship. RICK Yeah dude you have the worst luck with chicks, now my Lilly is a golden chick, worships the ground I walk on. Tom Mmhhmm RICK What the hell does that mean? DEREK If any thing she is the one with the pants and you are wearing the lacy apron. RICK Shut the f**k up. JUDE I am not going to give up. RICK I can not believe he got over Amy JUDE What was that? RICK Nothing TOM Oh he should be able to hear it now it has been a few years. Scene 3 Narrators then after them goes to a porch outdoors. Narrators 1 So then he remembers the girl who broke his heart supposedly NARRATOR 2 You do not know how to pity do you NARRATOR 1 Nope. NARRATOR 2 All the rules say she should have been his fairy tale. NARRATOR 1 What are you talking about? What rules? NARRATOR 2 The rules of all romance stories childhood love always goes to a happy ending NARRATOR 1 Not true. On porch all alone Jude sits playing a fiddle and singing JUDE Years ago when I was younger End song, Enter Amy AMy Jude I... Jude You what Amy Nothing Jude you always do that! Amy Jude stop it I just, never mind exit amy JUDE I fell in love with Amy in kindergarten, I know that sound silly but She was new and I was just smitten, we played almost as brother and sister until about high school we tried dating other people but we just could not do it. We both felt like we were cheating on the other. Then A month after high school graduation we were married and life fell apart. We started fighting all the time and now I do not know where we are going. Fade out then goes to Amy in kitchen writing a note and singing softly. Amy You say you really know me, Done writing note by door with bags AMy
Exit AMy second later enter Jude finds note and sits down slowly Amy V.O Jude, Please forgive me. I have to leave I cna not take our fighting any more. I do not want to hurt you and I could not bear telling you in person I suppose I am being selfish. Jude I am so sorry and I hope you find happiness. I will always Love you but we just can not be together any more We are both still young enough to start over. There are divorce papers in the bedroom. Yours, Amy Jude Oh Amy, Amy, Amy. Spotlight on jude really close and on the narrators Narrator 1 How do you like your rules now narrator 2 The poor man. Narrator 1 Well he should not wear his heart on his sleeve like so then. Narrator 2 Come on have a heart. Narrator 1 Nah, this is more fun Narrator 2 So how does he find teh strength to go on? Narrator 1 What are you on about now? Narrator 2 How does he find love with another woman. Narrator 1 He finds himself an idiot Narrator 2 What? Narrator 1 He finds an idiot. Scene 4 In the bedroom Jude and joy
Joy what do you think of the latest candidates for prime minister Joy I do not know JUDE Well what do you think about the proposition put forth. Joy I do not know but I do know that the one with all the blue has a really bad comb over JUDE would you like to talk about something else? Joy Yes, Politics is so like boring I can not believe you find it so like interesting JUDE Yeah well I am just strange I geuss Joy Like yeah, so like anyway I was at the mall with Chrissy and we saw this totally cute top and we went into the store and they only cared the one size of the top it had like beads and it was in red and pink and black and green and brown but You know I do not like brown it makes me think of dirt so like anyway it was the wrong size for me but it was like the perfect size for Chrissy so I said to Chrissy that there was no way she could buy that top I mean it would be so like unfair and then she was like I am so going to buy this super cute top and then I called her a b***h but do not worry we are still like best friends. JUDE Yes that is very ah interesting Joy do go on. Joy So yeah and then...are you yawning are you tired do you need some niquil? Or maybe dayquil or some advil I am going to go wash my hair JUDE Ok you do that Exit joy JUDE Oh my god, I have no idea why I married her I get a little stupider every time she talks and I mean she does have a super hot body but she could not hold up an intelligent conversation to save her life I mean I would be better off talking to a paper clip. I am defiantly over Amy and I am already way over Joy there is no way I can keep going in this relationship for very much longer she is driving me insane I expect any day now I will be reduced to a drooling ninny in the corner talking to a brick about nothing for hours on end. enter joy Joy So like I was in the shower just now and then JUDE Look Joy we need to talk Joy About what JUDE Well you see Joy Of course I see silly I am not blind JUDE No what I mean to say is Joy You act mean you do not say mean JUDE Look would you just shut up for two seconds! Joy Hey! You did not just tell me to shut up mmm no way mister! JUDE Look Joy Say you are sorry JUDE Huh? Joy Say you are sorry for telling me to shut up JUDE I am sorry for telling you to shut up but- Joy Good JUDE I want a divorce Joy what? JUDE I want a divorce Joy Why JUDE Look joy you are a lovely woman really but I think that we have grown into two diffeant people Joy I have not grown since I was seventeen JUDE I mean personality wise Joy Your brain is wise not your personality you silly old goose! JUDE You are f*****g stupid and I can not take it any more Joy What are you saying JUDE Oh my god Joy Are we having sex now? JUDE Joy Go get an apartment and put all your things there Joy Why would I do a silly thing like that JUDE I want a divorce D-I-V-O-R-C-E Joy D...I..O JUDE I am breaking up with you Joy oh.. JUDE Look I will leave. exit Jude and fade to black out Scene 5 a living room with no one in it and narrators Narrator 1 Told you he found an idiot Narrator 2 No kidding Narrator 1 Hey wanna hear a joke? Narrator 2 Sure NARRATOR 1 Why did the blond stare at the juice for hours. NARRATOR 2 *sigh* why NARRATOR 1 It said concentrate! Narrator 2 Blond jokes? really? Narrator 1 Why did the blond put lipstick on her forehead? Narrator 2 I give up Narrator 1 She was trying to make up her mind! Enter Grace and Jude Grace Look I have to leave tomorrow. JUDE You just got back Grace I know but I just got the part in an up and coming movie. JUDE Can you not take up some vacation time? Grace And hold up filming for an entire movie just so I have a little bit of time off? JUDE Or you could not take the job Grace Not take the job! Are you crazy? JUDE No it's just you are never here. Grace We talk on the phone all the time what more do you want Song. JUDE I need your arms around me, Grace Jude that is entirely unfair, besides you knew when we got together how it would be how can you now complain? Jude Look Grace it is just that Grace What, stop trying to hold me back Jude I want to be famous do you not want me to succeed? Jude Well of course I do babe it is just that Grace Do you not want me to become the best actress in the whole world? Jude You know I think you already are Grace Grace Then what Jude, what? Jude It is just that I can not handle this much longer Grace I am always alone you are never here. Grace I am busy I have invited you to come with me before! Jude But then I spend the day in your trailer because I am not allowed in and then at night you fall asleep immediately I do not know about you but I am getting nothing out of this relationship Grace and I just do not know where to go or what to do. Grace We only have a few options and I think I know the option you are choosing. Jude Oh do you? Grace Hang on Grace opens a drawer and gets half signed divorce papers Grace Here then if this is your choice Jude This are already half signed Grace Yes they are I knew this day would come Jude Jude did you? Grace Yes I knew eventually you would become jealous of my fame and talent. Jude Oh is that what this is about then? Grace Yes. Jude You are so arrogant Grace You are jealous and I am right Jude You are a loonie Grace So are you going to sign those or not. Jude Fine Grace seeing as how we getting divorced I think I have something to tell you. Grace Oh really and what is that? Jude You are a talentless bum Grace How dare you! Jude you are a b-movie actress at best, you are a hack and you will never be a big movie star and the best in the world? Hardly. Grace Why I never- Jude Took part in a good movie? No you did not ever. Grace I can not believe I ever married you JUDE I can not believe you think you are a good actress GRACE you have been telling me I am the best for years JUDE that is just so that you do not throw a hissy fit Grace Oh get out JUDE Yeah I do not think so you get out go live in your trailer. Grace Why- Jude Out Jude pushes Grace off stage black out except narrators Narrator 1 Now is the b***h better than the idiot NARRATOR 2 To be fair there was only one idiot and more than one b***h NARRATOR 1 For once you make a good point. Scene 6 Messy/dirty kitchen Candy is doing some kind of drug maybe pot enter Jude looking pissed. JUDE Candy! Candy (coughing) what? JUDE There is a window right there and I am sick of lying to the cops about you and your habits. Candy Oh chill out come on have some JUDE You know I quit and you said you would quit too. Candy But this is so much more fun. Jude closes curtains and sneaks her pot baggy off the table JUDE Have you eaten today Candy Nope, but a bag of chips would be fantastic. JUDE I will make you something healthy Candy HEY JUDE What? Candy Where is my dope JUDE You probably smoked it all already Candy I did not there was a whole baggy right here JUDE AS I said you probably smoked it all Candy I did not smoke three ounces that fast. JUDE You probably could Candy What is that in your pocket JUDE Nothing by the way I am making you soup Candy That is my dope Candy takes bag from his pocket and slaps him Candy Stop taking my dope if you want some just ask! JUDE I do not want any I want you to stop d****t! Candy Whatever I was done with the pot for the moment now anyway. JUDE What? Candy I am going to visit sweet lady H. JUDE Candy! Candy Come on babe do not get mad. JUDE Look Candy Candy Are you breaking up with me? JUDE No Candy Good JUDE Would you consider going to a rehabilitation clinic. Candy I do not have a problem Jude JUDE Yes you do, Babe you do not take care of yourself you only shower when I make you you only eat when I make you. You never go out except drug runs. Babe look at yourself you are not healthy Candy Shut up. JUDE Okay is there anyway at all you would go to a rehabilitation clinic? Candy No JUDE Then what about a Methadone clinic? Candy A what? JUDE A Methadone Clinic, it will help you get off the drugs slowly. So you do not have to go cold turkey. Candy Jude babe I do not have a problem. JUDE Yes you do Candy You are the problem Jude JUDE What are you on about? Candy I could leave you Jude and get into a more supportive relationship. It would be easy for me Jude. I think you would have a harder time. JUDE Candy what are you talking about? Candy You are so not supportive and all you ever do is complain. JUDE I am not supportive? Three quarters of my pay check goes to buying you your fix of drugs. We could open a f*****g pharmacy and you say I am not supportive? Candy All you ever are is angry. JUDE oh f**k off. Jude moves away with hi back to Candy who walks forward and puts her arms around him. Candy Come on babe. JUDE not now Candy Candy Oh do not be mad at me babe I was not serious JUDE I am mad at you Candy and no amount of that will change my mind candy groping various parts of Jude's body making him a bit flustered. Candy Come on lets go to the bedroom Beginning to sing maybe partially stripping dancing. maybe a tango. JUDE All right Candy haha JUDE Break me down, you got a lovely face End song Candy I want to snort Coke off your- JUDE (Pushing her off) My god you can not stop for a moment can you. Candy I just thought JUDE No you did not you never think! Candy But JUDE This is it Candy Candy What is JUDE If you do not quit I am leaving Candy Fine Candy begins to exit JUDE Where are you going Candy To go pack clothes JUDE What? Candy you are leaving JUDE You love your drugs more than me? Candy Yeah. Jude Enjoy your drugs and pathetic life Candy Oh I will Jude Have fun buying them when I am not here with money to buy them. Candy I can get a job Jude As a stripper Candy Get out! Black out except narrators Scene 7 Narrator 1 Wow what a little b***h NARRATOR 2 Drugs are bad apparently NARRATOR 1 You think? Narrator 2 that is the rumor Open to the bar again with Jude and all his buddies. Tom derek holding hands Tom So glad you left her, with the stress of her your hair was getting atrocious. RICK Right.... anyway JUDE DO not say it RICK Say what JUDE Do not tell me to give up or anything I do not want to hear it. Rick Well actually I was going to say just the opposite. Jude Sure DEREK He actually was JUDE Fine I will bite what? RICK I have a hot date for you. Jude I do not think so. RICK I think you fail to understand me. HOT. She is smoking. Jude Lilly will not like you talking like that RICK She is the one whose idea it was. Jude You are setting me up on a date with Lilly? Tom Nice DEREK Classy RICK No. It is a friend of Lilly's. Jude Uh-huh dude I just got out of a relationship. RICK Do not be so gay. But really This chick is sexy Jude So what RICK Seriously dude are you sure you are not gay? Jude Yes and anyway all my bad girlfriends and wives were hot. Rick True DEREK True TOM Derek! DEREK I am just kidding RICK Anyway come on here is a picture Jude Oh wow. RICK told you Scene 8 Lilly and Prudence stage left outside a restaurant., shadowy unidentifiable form in restaurant. PRUDENCE Lilly I thought you said I was going to help you pick out some new clothing what are we doing here? LILLY I sort of lied to you PRUDENCE Lilly! LILLY I had a good reason PRUDENCE Oh really did you now? LILLY Can you say blind date! PRUDENCE Can you say good bye? LILLY Come on Prudence PRUDENCE No way. LILLY Come on, look at this picture. PRUDENCE Wow Lilly Yeah so free meal and a pretty face to stare at for a little while PRUDENCE fine I suppose I am hungry anyway Act 3- Love Scene 1 All black except narrators Narrator 2 Do you think we make our own decisions NARRATOR 1 Well of course we do what a stupid question. NARRATOR 2 Do I mean do our individual decisions change the course of our lives. narrator 1 Sure if mommy gets an abortion you do not live if mommy has the little adorable leech then she gets to support a kid for eighteen years. Narrator 2 Okay that is so not what I meant Narrator 1 Then what did you mean? Narrator 2 I mean like finding that one love Narrator 1 Not this again. Narrator 2 Just listen NARRATOR 1 Fine Narrator 2 Is it destiny to find your one love or to not find them? Or do you ultimately decide? NARRATOR 1 Well of course we decide weather to go on the date or accept the proposal or even to take the bus on which your love is sitting. Narrator 2 *sigh* never mind. Lights go up on restaurant with Jude and Prudence. Jude kisses her head and pulls a chair out for her and sits down JUDE Hello my name is Jude, are you Prudence? PRUDENCE I am Jude Lovely to meet you PRUDENCE er yeah you too. Jude So how are you this evening PRUDENCE I am fine and you Jude Good except for the formality of this meeting. PRUDENCE Pardon me? Jude It seems to be that we are being very formal. PRUDENCE I only just met you I do not know you. Jude Well how can you get to know me if you are being so formal PRUDENCE I suppose you do have a point I am just a little nervous Jude As am I PRUDENCE Look I am just going to spill it Jude Spill what PRUDENCE I am only nervous because I have been in a lot of bad relationships Jude Join the party PRUDENCE Trust me I found the party Jude No offense but I bet my track record is worse PRUDENCE Oh really? JudE Yeah PRUDENCE Two divorces Jude Three PRUDENCE More then one abusive relationship Jude Drug addict PRUDENCE A guy that could care less JUDE An actress that could care less PRUDENCE A cheater Jude Ditto PRUDENCE I think we tie Jude I think so too. PRUDENCE No offense but I do not think we will go anywhere. Jude What do you mean. Prudence I do not believe in love Jude How can you just simply not believe in love, that makes no sense. PRUDENCE Look I have been in Love before and I always end up falling out of it or beaten out of it or cheated out of it. I do not think I believe in love anymore. I used to think it was this magical thing this bubbly feeling in the pit of your stomach and birds sing and then you fall badly into his arms and he holds you close and never lets you go and then you ride off into the sunset. Ha look at me spilling my extraordinarily personal thoughts and ideas with an almost complete stranger! Jude It is not love if you fall out of it PRUDENCE You know what I mean though I suppose you think I am a complete fool now. Jude No just misguided PRUDENCE By silly childish nonsensical fairy tales from when I was a child. Jude I do not think they are silly maybe not one hundred percent realistic but not silly and most of them do make sense if you think about it. PRUDENCE Look Jake Jude Jude PRUDENCE Jude... you seem like a sweet guy you really do but it seems to me that you are the silly one. Jude You are a little cynical do you know that Prudence It really is not good for you. PRUDENCE Not cynical realistic Jude Whatever you feel like calling it, it is doing you no good. PRUDENCE Oh yeah Jude Yeah PRUDENCE Then what is your oh so positive philosophy on life oh wise Jude? jude I sense sarcasm PRUDENCE I am sorry go on. Jude I think that there is one person for every one but not everyone finds that one person and a lot of people end up settling for the wrong person. I for example thought I had love more the once in fact I was certain and then she decided otherwise so clearly it was not love and I am damned determined to not let myself get discouraged because that sort of thinking will leave you sad and alone. PRUDENCE I suppose so. Jude You should be more positive Prudence I have tried that before and it just leaves me with a broken heart. Jude Well if you do not try you have no chance of love Prudence I need a true love, Jude I can not handle some stupid relationship. You seem nice but after this I doubt I will ever speak to you again Jude What makes you think I am not your true love. Prudence I think you are a little too cocky to my true love. Jude I am just saying give me a chance besides how do you know you are not my true love. Prudence I am not Jude How can you know that Prudence you are jumping way ahead of yourself Jude I am just saying. Prudence Well do not just say Jude you are really set in your ways are you not. Prudence I am Jude Why do you not close up your brain and listen to your heart PRUDENCE it is a foolish thing music start extras leave and everything but the table and one chair sort of rolls away spot light on prudence. PRUDENCE
Song ends and Jude leads Prudence to the door.
Prudence, I really like you and I hope I can see you again. PRUDENCE Really? Even after everything I said? JUDE Well yes I aim to change your mind PRUDENCE Do you now? Jude Yes PRUDENCE And how do you think you are going to be able to do a thing like that. Jude I do not know Roses maybe. PRUDENCE Ha flowers, chocolates, promises you do not intend to keep I presume. Jude I will keep every promise I say PRUDENCE I will believe it if I see it Jude Here is my first promise PRUDENCE Let's hear it then Jude I promise that we will go on a second date Prudence Oops I am making you break your promise Jude Making me a liar now PRUDENCE indeed Jude Well that is just not fair is it. PRUDENCE Nope but that is life suck it up Jude I do not want to be a liar PRUDENCE Too bad Jude Oh come on give me a break PRUDENCE I do not think I want to Jude Come on one more date PRUDENCE nope Jude Come on do not make me beg for it PRUDENCE I might Jude Please PRUDENCE You have no dignity do you? Jude Apparently not. Prudence Okay tell you what. I will think about it? How is that for you? Jude I suppose it will have to do Prudence pecks Jude on the chick and both exit. Scene 2 Black except narrators Narrator 1 Okay that was just cute Narrator 2 It was disgusting NARRATOR 1 Beautiful NARRATOR 2 Poorly written Narrator 1 Negative nancy NARRATOR 2 Stupid sally Open to the bar with Jude rick tom and Derek RICK Told you she was hot. Jude Yeah Tom you do not seem to be terribly excited DEREK Yeah what is eating you dude. Jude You did not give me all the nessescary details RICK What do you mean? Jude You did not tell me how cynical and sarcastic and rude she is. RICK My bad Tom So you had a date with a hot chick and that's the end of it. Jude Not quite DEREK What do you mean Jude I coerced her into a second date. DEREK Did you TOM But what about all those flaws. Jude Only skin deep RICK You just want to bang her right? JUDE Shut up Rick RICK Oh mister protective now? Jude No RICK Are you going to put on a skirt next? Jude Shut it. RICK Then what then. Are you going to love her? Jude Of course not. Tom Well you should DEREK Hush Tommy Tom Well he should RICK He is always in love
Scene 3 Sophie's house Meryl Sophie Lilly and prudence LILLY So how did it go? PRUDENCE Well Meryl Was a jerk right? Sophie He is a wizard right? PRUDENCE A wizard honestly? No. And he was not a jerk exactly but it went fine Lilly. LILLY So glad to hear it, it has been a week has he called PRUDENCE no LILLY really? PRUDENCE yes Sophie ouch girl PRUDENCE Yeah well s**t happens Meryl He will call who cares if he is a little late calling PRUDENCE I told you I am done with love Fade out except narrators scene change Scene 4 NARRATOR 2 That bites NARRATOR 1 It is rather unfourtunate Narrator 2 Are you getting a soft spot Narrator 1 NO! NARRATOR 2 Sure NARRATOR 1 I just think it is unfortunate that she is so stupid NARRATOR 2 oh sure you big softy! At the park Prudence's friends find Jude LILLY That is him Sophie *yelling* Hey hey you! Jude Me? Sophie Yeah you! How come you did not call prudence back? Meryl Sophie calm down Sophie I will not he is not recognizing how amazing Prudence is. JUDE She is the one who is not interested SOPHIE Of course she is Jude That is not the way she tells it Sophie Do not be so Cold Jude I am not cold she told me pretty flat out that nothing was going to happen. I had to practically beg for a second date And I do not think it is worth the effort Start song girls surround Jude taking turns singing LILLY Hey Jude don't make it bad Meryl Hey Jude don't be afraid Sophie And any time you feel the pain,Hey Jude, Refrain. Lilly Hey Jude don't let me down All So let it out and let it in Lilly Hey Jude don't make it bad All Better,better, better, better, better, Yeah,Yeah,Yeah 1, 2, 3, 4, (Jude, Jude, Judey, Judey, Judey, Judey, Waaa!) 5, (Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude) 6, (Yah, Yah, Yah) 7, (Jude, HEY JUDE! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!) 8, (OH, JUDE!) 9, 10 (Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, YAH, YAH, YAH, YAH!) 11, 12, (Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, OOOOH, WHAAAAAAAAAAA!) 13, 14, 15, (YAH, YAH, YAH, YAH, YAH, YAH, YAH, YAH, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA!) 16, (JUDE, MAHMAHMAHMAHMAHMAAHAAAAHH!) 17, 18, (Woooooo!) 19, (Well then a Nah Nah...) 20... End song Jude Look I would love to see her again but she does not want to see me. Sophie Then put some more effort into it you lazy bones. Jude I can not take blood from a turnip LILLY Prudence is not a turnip. Jude No i mean I can not give love to her if I can not get love back. MERYL She is being crusty now because she does not trust yet that you will not hurt her if she thinks you will not hurt her then maybe she will open her heart to you but it will take effort on your part. Sophie Are you saying that she is not worth the effort? JUde NO! Sophie Then what are you saying. Be careful. JUDE Look I would love to love her btu she does not want to love me. MERYL Test her. LILLY Let us go. Sophie Get a pair of balls dude LILLY Sophie! Sophie What? Girls exit stage left Jude a moment later stage right. A moment later Prudence enters from back and Derek Tom and Rick from stage left. RICK Yo Prudence! Sophie What? Tom We want to talk to you PRUDENCE *sigh* Why? DEREK Heard you gave Jude a cold shoulder. PRUDENCE Want does it matter to you? RICK It is not fair PRUDENCE What is not fair DEREK He is a sweet guy girl RICK Come on out and play with him Tom Rick you are being creepy again RICK Am not! Tom Yes you are Prudence You are RICK Anyway give Jude a chance PRUDENCE I will think about it. RICK Well think about it hard. He will not hurt you. Scene 5 close spotlight on prudence table chair phone which rings PRUDENCE Hello Jude V.O Hi Prudence this is Jude PRUDENCE oh. JUDE So are we still on for a second date? PRUDENCE Took you long enough to call. JUDE Yeah sorry about that so what about we go see a movie? PRUDENCE Are we seventeen? JUDE Well no but- PRUDENCE I am kidding. When? JUDE I will pick you up at eight on Friday how is that. PRUDENCE Sounds good. JUDE Ok Prudence Goodbye. Quick hang up. PRUDENCE I can not and will not fall for Jude! I will not do it again. I fall for every guy I see and then I end up playing the fool and having my heart broken again and again. I do not care if his eyes make my legs melt or his voice makes butterflies flutter in my stomach. Ha listen to me I sound like a bratty little teenager. I do not care. I will go on one more date and that is it. No more heart breaks. If I hold my heart in a little box it can not get hurt anymore can it? Scene 6 Drive in movie. Jude and Prudence,some extras. JUDE Thank you for coming out again PRUDENCE Yeah JUDE Why do you not smile, is it that hard to be with me? Prudence No it is just Start song some extras join in. JUDE Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play Prudence Look Jude JUDE I am sorry let us just enjoy this night PRUDENCE Okay JUDE Hey would you like some of this pop PRUDENCE Sure JUDE *spills pop on Prudence* Oh my god I am so sorry Prudence It is fine JUDE Here have some popcorn PRUDENCE thanks JUDE Not again * spills popcorn on her lap where it sticks* PRUDENCE I am going JUDE Prudence *reaches or her hand and grabs her a*s or rips her skirt* PRUDENCE *slaps him* You jerk JUDE I am sorry it is just I wanted to grab PRUDENCE You wanted to grab my a*s you pervert! JUDE No I- PRUDENCE Oh get bent Jude follows quickly after prudence lights on narrators. Narrator 2 Well so much for that Narrator 1 Do not speak so quickly Narrator 2 What do you mean she totally just told him to get bent Narrator 1 Just watch would you. Narrator 2 fine fine Scene 7 All characters except Jude and prudence at Lilly and rick's house. LILLY SO what are we going to do about this. Tom About Prudence overreacting LILLY yeah Sophie Sounds like he was being a pervert! RICK Sophie we have been over this. Remember it was an accident on his part and he was clumsy so Prudence left. Tom They would be so good for each other LILLY I know right? MERYL Well Miss. Stubborn Prudence will not even answer his Phone calls. Sophie Party time! All What? Sophie invite the two of them over here for a birthday party or something RICK Whose birthday is it. Sophie Oh right LILLY Oh Rick our anniversary is coming up. RICK it is? I thought it was in April... LILLY No it is in a week HINT HINT RICK Oh I get it Scene 8 At the party all characters frozen until narrators are done. Narrator 1 This should prove amusing Narrator 2 Pardon me? NARRATOR 1 Well you never know how some one will react to a surprise until it happens. Narrator 2 I suppose Characters inter mingle conversation with prudence one side Jude on the other side JUDE Happy anniversary guys, and here I thought it was in April RICK Ha no. PRUDENCE Great party LILLY yeah PRUDENCE Who is that over there I think I recognize that man. JUDE Who is that hot number in the red I think I recognize her. PRUDENCE Jude? JUDE Prudence? Together What are you doing here. JUDE I was just leaving PRUDENCE So was I. All No you two were not. Both Yes we are. Characters surround Jude and Prudence and push them together. GIRLS- She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah Boys- He loves you, yeah, yeah, Yeah he loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah Girls You think you lost your love, boys You think you lost your love, GIRLS She says she loves you Boys he says he loves you Girls She said you hurt her so Boys He says he loves you Girls She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah Boys he loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah Girls you know it's up to you, Boys He he loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah Both With a love like that Prudence Yeah,Yeah, Yeah Jude Yeah,Yeah, Yeah End song Jude Look Prudence Prudence Yes Jude I am sorry for the way our date turned out I really am. Prudence I am sorry I should not have freaked out like that. Jude Do you think we could try again Prudence I think we could. Jude Great The two kiss and slowly everyone else leaves the two alone. Prudence I think I take back what I said Jude What? Prudence I think I take back what I said about Love. Jude You do. Prudence I think maybe. This might not be love but it is damned close JUDE You do not know how happy that makes me. PRUDENCE I am so glad I gave you a second chance JUDE I knew you would PRUDENCE You did? JUDE From the very first moment I met you. PRUDENCE I did not want to believe it. JUDE Love at first sight PRUDENce cliched is it not? JUDE Well maybe a little. PRUDENCE I think I am good with that JUDE Me too. Kissing till black out Scene 9 black except narrators Narrator 1 So here we are Narrator 2 Yes we are did she find her happily ever after NARRATOR 1 Maybe Narrator 2 Well did she or did she not NARRATOR 1 Hard to tell if it is happily ever after until they die together is it not? Narrator 2 Well is it happily ever after a week later? A month later? Five years later? Spotlight opens up on Jude and Prudence in the restaurant they had their first date in. PRUDENCE I can not believe it has been three years already JUDE Neither can I. Seems like just yesterday we had our awkward encounter. PRUDENCE Or you spilled pop on me JUDE Prudence PRUDENCE Yes JUDE close your eyes PRUDENCE I love surprises Jude kneels and holds out a rose with a ring around the stem. JUDE Open your eyes PRUDENCE *gasping* Jude! JUDE Prudence you are the light of my light, I can not believe I get to spend my days with you every morning when I see you and I want to spend the rest of my days with you. We have both had some hard times. We have both had trials; but Prudence be the princess in my fairytale and marry me. PRUDENCE Oh Jude of course I will start song Prudence I don't want to wonder Prudence I don't want to jump in Jude I want to love you madly Prudence I want to love you now Jude I want to love you madly, way Prudence I want to love you, love you Both Love you madly Jude I don't want to think about it Prudence I want to love you madly Jude I want to love you now, yeah Prudence I want to love you madly, way Jude I want to love you, love you Both Love you madly Prudence I don't want to doubt you Jude I want to love you madly Prudence I want to love you now Jude I want to love you madly, way Prudence I want to love you, love you Both Love you madly Characters freeze in a kiss and lights go down spot on narrators. Narrator 1 Ewe NARRATOR 2 What? Narrator 1 The cliche the sap the corniness of it I think it has made me a little sick. NARRATOR 2 Oh shut up will you. I think it was a very good ending I really do. Narrator 1 But it is not the ending. What would make you think it was the ending? Narrator 2 Well a nice proposal is a good way to end a story do you not think? Narrator 1 But that is not the ending proposals are the beginning do you not know that? NARRATOR 2 Please, no body likes stories that end with 'and they lived happily ever after' it leaves the watcher or reader or listener wondering what happens next. Narrator 1 What about imagination? NARRATOR 2 Please that is for saps and romantics Narrator 1 Do not say things like that NARRATOR 2 Why not NARRATOR 1 You are going to offend some one NARRATOR 2 Well this stiff necked 'some one' can go suck a lemon can they not? Scene 10 Reception Of Jude and Prudence's wedding everyone is there. LILLY I can not believe they finally got married RICK Better late then never. MERYL Yeah I am sure Prudence would agree. RICK What Sophie Meryl that is a secret! LILLY yeah you are not supposed to tell anyone that Prudence Is preg- Sophie Shut up! TOm Prudence is Pregnant!Oh my god! DEREK Does Jude know? Sophie Now you have done it. Fade away spotlight on Jude and Prudence in wedding Attire BOTH I'll be your dream Prudence Be everything that you need. Jude I will be strong I will be faithful Both I'll be your dream Jude Be everything that you need. Prudence And when the stars are shining brightly Jude Then make you want to cry.. Both I want to stand with you on a mountain, Jude Oh can't you see it baby? Both I'll be your dream Prudence Truly madly deeply do Jude Truly Madly Deeply do End song go back to other group Tom How far along is she Sophie *sigh* four months Derek She does not look it, wow how does she keep the figure Meryl I do not know Rick Do they know what gender yet? Lilly They are thinking a little girl but they are unsure hard to tell but they have a deep feeling that it is in fact a girl. PRUDENCE Why does everyone look so worried, We saw you from our table and thought we would come over and see. JUDE *after a long silence* Guys? PRUDENCE Girls you did not. JUDE They did not what. MERYL Sorry PRUDENCE oh no LILLY Really sorry PRUDENCE It is supposed to be a secret! Sophie It was mostly their fault! PRUDENCE I trusted you guys Tom Congratulations! LILLY, SOPHIE, MERYL TOM SHUT UP JUDE Now Just what the hell is going on! All Nothing. JUDE Prudence... PRUDENce You noticed how I have not been really up and down and crazy mood wise for the last few months. JUDE Sort of except of course the last week. PRUDENCE Well um the thing is. JUDE Prudence you seem really nervous RICK She is pregnant you idiot! LILLY, SOPHIE, MERYL Rick LILLY You a*****e! JUDE Is this true Prudence? PRUDENCE yeah JUDE Well that is wonderful PRUDENCE It is JUDE Of course it is, Is that why you were so nervous. Prudance yeah JUDE You did not think I would be happy. PRUDENCE Well. JUDE Can we have a moment *rest do nothing* GO Sophie You heard the man mushy moment lets go, go go. JUDE Prudence I have never been happier, I married the love of my life today and now I find out we get to share our life with a little one. PRUDENCE Oh Jude They kiss and Jude touches her stomach JUDE How long? PRUDENCE four months JUDE I practically missed the whole thing PRUDENCE Not quite. JUDE I am the worst husband ever PRUDENCE No just a little unobservant narrator 1 So this is the end right Narrator 2 Yes Narrator 1 finally Narrator 2 Should we give credit for the music Narrator 1 Well I suppose we would not want to be sued would we? Narrator 2 Could this information be found in the play bill Narrator 1 Well yes but the author needs to fill up page space Narrator 2 sound logic NARRATOR 1 So how should we do this NARRATOR 2 Alphabetically? NARRATOR 1 Or in length? NARRATOR 2 Or in order of appearance NARRATOR 1 I like in order of appearance best Narrator 2 Me too Narrator 1 So In order of appearance Narrator 2 There was Kiss with a fist by Florence and The machines Narrator 1 Love fool by The Cardigans NARRATOR 2 Mannequin by Katy Perry Narrator 1 You give Love a bad name by Bon Jovi NARRATOR 2 Fairytale by Alexander Rybak NARRATOR 1 Is it true by Yohanna Narrator 2 Never there by Cake NARRATOR 1 Crazy b***h by Buckcherry NARRATOR 2 Foolish heart by nina Narrator 1 Hey Jude by the Beatles Narrator 2 Dear Prudence by the beatles NARRATOR 1 She loves you by the Beatles Narrator 2 Love you madly by Cake NARRATOR 1 Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden Narrator 2 And that is it NARRATOR 1 That is a lot Narrator 2 Indeed it is, by the way NARRATOR 1 What Narrator 2 They lived happily ever after NARRATOR 1 I thought you did not like happily ever after Narrator 2 I learned to NARRATOR 1 But what about the rest Narrator 2 What rest? NARRATOR 1 Did she have her baby? Narrator 2 She did. Scene 10 An older Prudence with a 5 year old girl in her lap and older Jude standing behind them in an older house. Lucy Mommy how did you and Daddy fall in love. PRUDENCE In love, what makes you think Daddy and I are in love? Lucy Mommy! Daddy make her be serious! JUDE Listen to the little one Darling, be serious PRUDENCE But I do not want to be! JUDE I think you better tickle her Lucy! PRUDENCE I surrender! I surrender! Have mercy Lucy on your poor old mother! Lucy Silly mommy. PRUDENCE Yes silly mommy. Lucy Did you and Daddy always know you loved each other like sleeping beauty and her prince or did you not know like in Pocahontas. JUDE Yes honey did we? PRUDENCE I think we did. Lucy Can I hear the story. PRUDENCE What makes you think there is a story? Lucy Mommy! PRUDENCE All right all right.... Once Upon a time. Lights fade out curtain close. Open back up as rocky horror's time warp plays while everyone bows and does the dance LILLY, Meryl It's astounding, time is fleeting Sophie I remember doing the TIme Warp Lilly,Sophie, Meryl It's just a jump to the left Tom It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me Derek Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think All It's just a jump to the left Extras run in Extras It's just a jump to the left In come Jude Prudence and Lucy Jude It's just a jump to the left Prudence And a step to the right Both With your hands on your hips Lucy Let's do the time warp again!
© 2010 ElisabethAuthor's Note
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1 Review  Last Updated on May 9, 2010 Author
ElisabethNiagara, CanadaAboutI am 17 currently living in ontario Canada but that may change. I am still a very amateur writer and I would adore some constructive critisim to make me better. Love Elisabeth PS feel free to ad.. more..Writing
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