Where You Are

A poem about being separated from the ones you love.

You are miles and miles away.

It was hard for us to part.

I miss you more than words can say.

The separation breaks my heart.

 

It's so hard to be miles from home.

Even with phone calls I feel alone.

So many things we used to do.

All I have now are memories of you.

 

The good and the bad that we share.

It helps me to know your still there.

In a place I can visit every night.

Its there, I know everythings alright.

 

Its a place where I know we can be free.

And be anything we want to be.

Time is not relevant in the place that we go.

There you are waiting, this much I know.

 

To get to this place I need not go far.

I just close my eyes,

because in my dreams...

is where you are.

 

Author's Note

please ignore all grammar and punctuation errors

Reviews

[Damian Alan Gray]

Hi Jane.

This poem is filled with emotion, and that's the most important thing in matters of verse. Grammar and punctuation are imprecated by poets everywhere, so don't worry about that. Wouldn't want to put our dear editors out of business, would we now? Evil cretins that they tend to be.

In any case, although the feeling behind the poem is good, you may want to focus upon your meter; it doesn't seem to flow as well as it could. My suggestion: Try to omit some of the unnecessary wording in order to direct the reader's primary thoughts toward the emotive, rather than to the prose itself.

Just a thought.

[Staci Brown]

i love this piece :D so very very true :D

Faerie Blessings!

--faerie whisper (breaking the silence...)

[None]

Missing someone isn't so bad when you can remember good memories and hold them dear. This is very enjoyable and I like the rhyme. Your talent shines through in your special words.

[RareRed]

Oh how I love this. There is no distance when we close our eyes!

[Travis Lawrence]

Who cannot relate to this? I certainly can. I agree with Damian, this is filled with emotion, but it doesn't flow as well as Yard Sale, for some reason that's how it seems to me anyway. Regardless, still a good write.

Have a nice day!

[Joel Marshall]

"Time is not relevant in the place that we go." - LaceyJane, this is such a beautiful line. Keep doin' your thang!

Joel

[[untitled]]

Beautifully romantic and sentimental. Missing someone is a pain worth writing about if you can, and you did!
I'm not a fan of rhyme as opposed to prose because I believe that you could have gone further on the journey if you were not encumbered by trying to find rhyming words. I understood this, there is nothing obscure about it at all.
Cheers,
Helen :-)