Breakdown

A poem I wrote about the struggles of dealing with disease.

I feel the tears running down my face.

Feeling so trapped, and so out of place.

As I struggle to deal with this ongoing pain.

Composure on the outside, I try to maintain.

 

Tired of this weakness, tired of this pain.

Tired of these doctors, with their needles in my vein.

Too tired to stand, too tired to walk.

It takes so much energy, just to even talk.

 

I try to be strong, I try to smile.

Happiness has been gone for quite a while.

Tired of everyone telling me the things I should do.

I wish they could walk a mile in my shoes.

 

During the day I pretend I am fine.

I just want to scream most of the time.

I sit there and smile, without making a sound.

So no one will know...

 

Inside I breakdown.

Author's Note

please ignore grammar and punctuation errors

Reviews

[Adrian K. Smith]

I almost choked on my reaction to this piece. I feel like I blew out the lids of my eyes trying to clamp down on the tears that wanted to erupt like some long overdue geyser. I cannot, not in even the slightest way, began to explain just how hard this particular work hit me. I wish I could say more, but.. but I cannot.

[Aradie Rain]

this was really good and i am glad i got it in the contest, but she doesnt come out of her pain so i have to reject it even tho i loved it. short and simple, powerful

[Mz. Rosilyn Vanessa]

I liked that piece very much because it is so true. It hurts so bad to watch someone you love go through all those things you mentioned.

[Ani Ashford]

With empathy I respond, as so often I have felt the flow of illness and pain. It is something very much a part of you....
"I feel the tears running down my face.

Feeling so trapped, and so out of place.

As I struggle to deal with this ongoing pain.

Composure on the outside, I try to maintain."

Your words truly captured how pain - not simple pain- but life-challenging pain becomes our prison. Many blessings of healing and positive energy to you.

[bluessadmood]

you turned a simple thought into a very deap piece of write was really moved,you are great

[bluessadmood]

its really great writing ,the thought may be simple at least so i think ,but you give it lots of depth ,and drive me to ponder lot on it ,beautifully written ,i was moved ,really

[RareRed]

Okay....I cried reading this. I tell so few what I actually go thru being ill and it's like you captured the emotions that race thru me so often. I just wanted to thank you for writing something like this!

[Mariah]

Aww...this is so good. I really like the end, and how you're so good at making things rhyme. Usually mine don't!

[Kathryn]

This was really great! I loved the way you conveyed the feeling; I feel like that often, too, and it's hard. One thing I would change to make the poem flow a little easier, would be to change "It takes so much energy, just to even talk." to "It takes so much energy, even to talk" or something like that; I think there's one too many syllables, but even with that, this poem is great! I really enjoyed reading it; keep writing... You're good. :)

☼ K i t t i ☼

[None]

You capture and really possess the feelings remarkably! The anguish and each emotion you have put so well into place. This is another one of yours for my favorites!