Chapter 1

For some reason, I thought that the dead were supposed to be silent. All everyone is doing is either screaming or crying sickeningly. I remember that when I was alive the dead there never made a sound. I guess this is where their voices go.

Being alive is so different from this whole being dead business. It's not like I asked for this. I wasn't one of those who pulled a trigger on themselves or took the easy way out. It was a crash that did me in.
But I never wanted to be dead. Now that I am, I can't help but to wonder why it had to be me. I mean, it's not like I was that bad of a guy. It's not like I killed anyone or anything. So forgive me if I can't help but to wonder, "Why me?"

Everyone down here knows in the back of their burning head what got them to this point; even if they don't want to admit it. But I can't seem to figure out my great sin. And the more I think about it, the more preposterous it seems to lump me into the same category as Mussolini and murderers. But I'm guessing that the big guy knows something that I don't.

Hell isn't what I always thought it would be. My preacher always said that Hell was where demons and creatures of unimaginable wrath resided. In all truth, those demons and creatures are just as lost and confused as everyone else that's down here in this place of fire and brimstone. They've just been down here so long that they no longer scream or cry out in agony. They're used to the pain.

I walk over to Adam, God's prized creation. After disobeying a direct order in the garden, when he died he was sent down here. He's been here since the dawn of time. Eve doesn't talk to him anymore. I guess an eternity with someone is a bit long to stay happily married; especially when your relationship is put through hell.

He's sitting on a rock that for some reason hasn't melted down into the lava at our feet. All he ever does any more is sit and stare. From what I can tell he doesn't mind when I come and talk to him. Every now and then he'll even give me a look of recognition.

I stand beside him and lean against the rock wall of our cave like prison. It's burning, scorching, and try as hard as I like, I still wince at the pain. But I'd rather have some form of comfort than nothing, seeing as to how lying down isn't really an option what with the fire and lava as far as the eye can see.

I'm pretty close to him, although I don't really have to be. Demons, creatures, and sinners alike for some reason tend to stay away from Adam. I've talked with some of the others about him and they say that they stay away because they get a weird vibe from him. I've never felt this vibe that they talk about. All I know is that Adam doesn't judge me when I talk about what my life used to be like. All he does is sit.

He's staring again at the place where the dead enter; a huge hole in the cave's walls that's filled with flames. Every time that someone comes through, his eyes almost plead for them to jump back through the hole and run back to God. He knows better than anyone else what Hell's really like. These people that come here, expecting to pay with cash for their sins fall short to the candle that burns for their souls.

Sometimes I think I'll see him crying. But in this place tears instantly turn into steam, melting away into the heat. I've wondered what he cries for, if he cries for Eve. I'm certain I'll ask him eventually. After all, it's not like he and I are going anywhere.

"So," I say to him. "Where did I leave off last time?"

He doesn't say anything. Just keeps staring at the flames.

"I think I had just gotten to when my brother Alex was born. I'd been five at the time. Mom didn't know that I knew what sex was way back then. So she told me that the stork put Alex in her belly." I think for a moment, tipping my head back against the wall and instantly pulling it away. I should have known it'd be too hot for that. "Anyways, I always thought that saying way weird. What's more frightening? Sex putting a baby into the womb or a bird putting a baby into someone? If you ask me I'd say it'd be the bird."

As much as I had thought my joke would have gotten something out of him, Adam just keeps watching the hole. A woman about my age when I died just came through and I can tell that she's screaming. I can't hear her over all of the others, but I can see her mouth wide open and her hands holding her head.

"She's trying to cry," I think to myself. "I wish I could cry."

I shake my head at the thought. Even though I hadn't been in Hell but a couple of years, I knew that it was foolish to waste my wishes on something so useless. But crying, actually crying, not just pushing out steam from my tear ducts, would be such a relief. I think that if I had a choice, I would rather be able to cry than to sleep or eat. Not like I can do any of those either. Not any more at least.

"Anyways, Alex was such a good kid." I pause momentarily. "Is," I correct. "He is a good kid. He's going places too; going to become a writer or something like that. While I was good with numbers, he's good with words."

I don't say anything else for a bit. I'm too busy thinking about Alex. When I was alive, I never thought about how much I would miss him when I got put six feet under. Now I miss him more than anyone else from the life I used to lead. I hope he doesn't miss me too badly.

Adam's still staring at the entrance. Another person has fallen into this pit of despair and heartache. This one's an old man, older than my grandpa when he crocked over. He's fallen to the floor and is rolling around, clutching his sides and crying out. He hasn't noticed yet that everyone else is doing the same thing, only on their feet. There's less pain if you're on your feet.

"He had this great girlfriend when I died. Alex, I mean." I pick back up as I watch the man wither about on the floor of molting flames and lava. "She was everything to him. Her name was Mara. He was going to ask her to marry him. She was going to say yes, I can just feel it."

If it weren't for the fact that Hell's gate is perched upon a steep hilltop, those that arrive wouldn't be put on such a display. Adam had a good view of everything from his stone seat. From here he could see the main pit of Hell and those that had come to dwell within its flames. I looked from him to the crowd of nearly never ending sinners tightly pressed together and sighed.

"Alex isn't going to come down here when he dies," I think to myself over the wails and moans. "He'll get to go to that place above the clouds and never have to suffer. He deserves that." I look back to the flaming entrance and see a pair of twins fall into the man. He's still crawling on the floor; now face first into the scorching ground because of the new inhabitants. "I didn't deserve to come down here."
I look away from the people and up towards the never ending ceiling of the cave. "I hope that he's doing good up there. I'm sure that he is. He's got a good head on his shoulders. Maybe he finally got published. I sure hope so. He's really got some things to say."

I couldn't help but to think quietly, "Did I ever say anything when I was up there? I mean really say something." Even though I knew I didn't, not like Alex. He is going to say something's that will throw the world for a loop. He's got so much to say. Unlike me, all I ever said were crummy jokes and the right answers.

Bitterly I laugh, feeling the dryness of my throat more so than before. "Alex would know what to do if he was down here. Not that he ever would get sent to Hell. He's too good for all of this."

The body of sinners, demons, and creatures seems to be moving about more, forming a giant wave of souls crying out in pain. The pain was bearable, if you didn't think about it. The worst thing about Hell isn't the intense agony or desperation for relief. It's the fact that you have an eternity to think about what you've done with the one life that you had. And that now, down here within all of this, you can do nothing about it. You realize your mistakes, if you're lucky, and just have to stay in time out.

I look back to Adam. His face is still more beautiful than what any sinner's face should be; even against the flames of Hell his skin has a shine. He was God's first creation, made to look just like him, the spiting image. I can't help but to wonder if he ever looked in a reflective pool and laughed, knowing he was fashioned after such a being. If he ever cursed himself because he looks just like what cast him down here.

It's strange to think about his eyes, how they've seen so much and yet they continue to see. His deep honey eyes have seen the Garden of Eden, the fall and rise of man, everything that has ever happened in human history. He's seen more people come through that portal than anyone else here. Even the devil doesn't watch the gate and world as closely as Adam.

"You never have had a brother, have you?" I question thinking back to Alex and the connection I share with him. "I don't remember the Bible ever saying that you did."

He doesn't say anything though.

I move my foot over a stone, letting the burning sensation fill me with an emotion, anything, as I carry on the conversation. "It sure is something to have a brother. Always having to share, never being alone. You learn some really good lessons in life, just by having someone else at your side."

My eyes scan the herd and spot Eve beside one of the new Hellenize. She's helping him to his feet and leading him towards one of the smaller caves. Even from here I can see the glint in her eyes, the glint that shows she isn't the woman that she once was so long ago. Now she'd become sick with herself, always needing someone to help fill herself, her lifeless soul.

"Eve's up to her usual schemes again," I mutter. "Do you ever regret God having made her?"

Still he doesn't reply.

She's almost out of sight, too far into the smaller cave to be seen. "I mean, if it wasn't for her, you would still be in the garden. God never would have sent you here. Everything would be completely different. Hell," I look around at everyone. "None of us might even be here if it wasn't for her."
Slowly, so slowly in fact that if I had not been keeping a close eye on him that I would have missed it, he looks at me. He directly looks at me with his sad and intelligent eyes. It isn't for more than a mere moment, but in Hell, a moment is all it takes to make a difference, to change things.

When his head turns back to look out onto the sinners, I kept staring at him. Mentally I make a note not to bring up Eve again. Not for a good century, at least. The look in his eyes would have been able to freeze my burning heart had it not been for the heat.

"It doesn't matter I guess. Fact is that we're down here and that now we've got to live with it." I try to lean my head back once more, letting it barely touch the rock wall behind me before the pain becomes too much. "If you really call this living, anyways."

"Well, this has been fun, Adam. As usual." I say sounding rather chipper. Sure, I wanted to tell him thanks for letting me stand beside him while I babbled on endlessly about what my life used to be like. I wanted to get down on my hands and knees to show my gratitude towards him, even in the pit of Hell. But I couldn't do that, not now; probably not ever. It just wasn't right.
        
I walk away from him and merge into the crowd of the dead. Among them I'm just another face in the too small of space with too many souls. Flowing inwards towards the center of the mosh pit like group, I let myself fall victim to the pain. I don't try to stop myself from feeling it. I don't try to block out the feeling. Because feeling something, actually something, pain, hurt, torment, is better than nothing. It makes you remember that you're alive.