Goodbye

This is the letter that I should have written to someone a very long time ago. My dream is that one day they actually will read it, but hey, life doesn't really work like that.

Dear You,

 

It's finally been a year since we've last met, and I have to say, I've hated every minute of it. I had always thought of you as my protector, my warrior, my guardian angel, sins the wings, of course. Everyday when I get home from school, or work, I want so desperately to call you and tell you how my day was, or how someone had pissed me off, or even just to say hi. I still have your number in my phone, you know. Is that bad? I've went to delete it so many times, but I just can't help thinking of the scenario where I'm ultimately doomed and dying, and only have time for one last phone call. If that were the case, I would call you. And I promise, I really do, that I won't call you unless that is the case. But then I think of another scenario(You said you liked my imagination); What if you hang up before I say what I need to tell you? I'd be left in that burning building or falling airplane or sinking boat and I'd be alone. I mean, if I were in any of those events I would be constantly surrounded by masses of screaming civilians aimlessly running around in search of safety, but I would still be alone. I don't want to die alone. Please promise that you'd stay with me until I stopped breathing. Please? Another thing. Remember that time in health class when we learned about the stages of grief? We must have joked about it for months. When I lost my keys, and you lost your ipod, we would scream "Denial!" "Acceptance!" "Bargaining!" I don't think I ever laughed harder than that(sad, I know). I think those days of running around the halls at school with that all knowing smile on our faces and yelling out psycoanalysis terms while onlookers looked in...was it contempt or envy? Anyway, those were my favorite days. But now, I can see those stages. I didn't word that wrongly. I can see them. I can see myself, contantly looping through denial, anger, bargaining, depression acceptance, denial anger bargaining depression acceptance, denialangerbargainingdepressionacceptance! I have my good days. You know, when I don't cry. I get them a few times a month, which doesn't seem like a lot, but it's better than never. But then my bad days, egad. I never thought that it would be so hard to hide my emotions, since everyday, I was on display for you. Always happy, always perfet, always content in my little utopian bubble of a world. I'd have to say, I gave you my best performance. And I'll also admit, you were the audience that any actress would die to have. You coddled, you crooned, you filled my heart with energetic cries of "Brava! Brava!" You did anything to keep me playing. I thought that once you left, I would just continue my performance, with one empty seat in the auditorium. Without my number one fan though, I forgot my lines. I choked, crashed and burned. The curtain fell, and I returned home without any flowers. I don't even get why. I lived life before I met you. It was a dull life, but a life nonetheless. Then, when I met you, I was alive! I was happy, free, on top of the world! Then, you left. I was back to where I first was, only I had the experience and happy memories of you to fall back on. Shouldn't I be happier? Shouldn't I? Instead, I envy and hate any person who feels any happiness, any couple I see and you. Dear god, how I envy you. You and your ability to forget me and live life like you never met me and not even give me closure by saying goodbye. I think that's what hurts me the most. That after all of this, I can't stop thinking of you not thinking about me. I'm not telling you to remember me, but I just can't bear the thought of you forgetting me.

 

 

 

...Wow. It's funny. This letter was originally meant to tell you how well I'm getting along without you, and how strong I've turned out to be. Guess I'm not ready to write that one yet, but I'll try to salvage as much of it as I can by telling you what I think you need to know most. You made me happy, and I guess that I failed to do anything for you in return. I miss you with all of my heart yet I know that to make me happy is to be with you, making you you unhappy, which would leave my happiness fleeting and superficial. So the stronger, better part of me is telling you; Do what makes you happy. After all, we were put here on this earth to feel joy.

 

 

Love,

         me

Reviews

[Catastrophe]

I never thought a letter could be so beautiful, the sadness runs down the page
and the words speak out loud, "Dear You"
that just grabbed me by the collar, made me want to find out more.
"But now, I can see those stages. I didn't word that wrongly. I can see them. I can see myself, contantly looping through denial, anger, bargaining, depression acceptance, denial anger bargaining depression acceptance, denialangerbargainingdepressionacceptance!"

it feels like the words are just echoing in your head, over and over again; that's the impression i get from reading this; wow i am just truly amazed at this...
my favourite lines have to be

"I never thought that it would be so hard to hide my emotions, since everyday, I was on display for you. Always happy, always perfet, always content in my little utopian bubble of a world. I'd have to say, I gave you my best performance. And I'll also admit, you were the audience that any actress would die to have. You coddled, you crooned, you filled my heart with energetic cries of "Brava! Brava!" You did anything to keep me playing. I thought that once you left, I would just continue my performance, with one empty seat in the auditorium. Without my number one fan though, I forgot my lines. I choked, crashed and burned. The curtain fell, and I returned home without any flowers."

that says it all to me; it says all that needs to be said, and the pain is right there
how beautiful, "You" deserves to read this letter; emotions should never be wasted...
wow "Dear You; Love Me"
that speaks out.

[Olivier Vintois]

Apart from the need for some technical editing, this is a wonderful letter/short story. Readers are often affected by a story if they can recognize themselves in it, and there is nothing wrong with that. "Goodbye" hurts. We are you. Yet, without your talent a a writer, it would not hurt, and that would be a great pity. You find us withing yourself : I tip my hat to you. Thank you.

[bluessadmood]

oh i should say ,you sure gave him lots of love and i see he did too ,you say ,oh how wonderful,if you went through something bad then you kept his no. so you can make a last call for him for you never would leave with him near,such thought yes,i would not leave with tender hearts around me or it would be so hard ,very thoughtful,thats why we keep being good to people for there are times that we need them by,no matter how arrogant and independent we try to look,weakness is just in out nature ,i think to be and feel week is so human, i do not like strong people ,i like weakness,i like failiures ,i am a dreamer ,these people are so human and i love them, i do not like the so called the hot guys the ones who do it all.
i like what you said about your performance on stage and he there cheering you up and clapping all the time it wonderful ,i am sure you felt great ,my love ,you would say ,is out there and he adores me and cheering me up,you would say ,yes look people he is there and he is all mine,for he loves me ,but then all suddenly he is not there,,the words would choke you up ,you would stammer for he is not there,you look for his cheers but you dont hear them and you walk home ,you walk away alone ,home..
so what about you mail i cant send it ,i began telling him i am better and stronger now ,and you ended saying you are my life,so what loss ,at last you made your wonderful choice and told him to do whatever makes you happy will be fine with you,oh this is great love so mature ,i really wonder why he left ,i know i would not,ha ha!!!this is really great i really enjoyed it a lot thank you

[ape domenigoni]

That was absolutely captivating!! I was drawn in from the first and I have to say it parallels feelings I have been having these last two weeks, when I experienced true happiness for the first time in a long, long time. Now it's gone and I have to move on...there will be someone else

[Leran Vakem]

What a stunning story, I can't wait to read the next part of this.
Leran Vakem