My Guardian Angel

Recently added onto TFS (The Forum Site), I wrote this out of fantasising, originally he was a vampire but he turned into this lovely guardian of mine, he is an angel. He is a puzzle-peice missing from my life.

I feel disoriented,
The world around me has faded,
I can feel fear rushing through my head,
Maybe it's just me, maybe I am dead.

He lands before me,
With that look in his eyes,
His skeletal wings are as sharp as blades,
I am dying,
He is dying.

His actions are getting slower,
My mind breaking weak,
Slowely, me and my angel are dying.

I hear my mind crying,
I see the angel dying,
He has always been on my side,
He is the one I have always relied.

I am not dying,
He is dying,
Giving up the last of his breathe to save me,
His supernatrual powers becoming a shield,
Saving me,
My soul is now concealed.
 

Author's Note

I understand this poem can't possibly make sense, hey I've only done it out of imagination, it comes from my mind, and I understand it's also not good, but give it the best you can, constructive critisim allowed.

Reviews

[Matthew V. H.]

I don't understand how you can think that this isn't a good poem.

Your imagry was there, the subject was obvious, and even the understanding of what was happening was there for the reader to see. You did extremely well in telling a whole story in a short amount of time.

One can use thier imaginaton as to why you were dying, but this was a great way to use imagry, even if it is from your own mind. You portrayed the poem flawlessly.

Huzzah for skeletal guardian angels.

[Dalaina Renee]

Cool though! keep it up!

[TP LaRose]

It's not a matter of it not making sense.........in fact, I think it makes perfect sense. At least it does to me. I have a guardian angel, perhaps not in the same sense you do.
I'm not much up on proper etiquette when writing poetry but I believe it is the message and the feel we give to the reader.
I feel a good/bad about this........kind of like beauty and the beast. An angel to you but a vampire to another.
I liked it.

[Ally Baker]

this is a good poem, imagination is the best place for poems to be created.