What did I do?

I need to know.
I deserve to know.
It's made me insane,
All these years to not know why.
48 long, drawn out, unbearable years entirely alone.
Anyone that stayed in my life stayed to rob me or ruin me.
Why does everyone deserve someone but me?
Everyone has someone.
Someone they can trust
Someone they can talk to.
Someone that loves them.
Everyone but me.
Sure i have my children but they are grown and have enough weight of their own.
And Im not talking about a relationship.
F**k relationships.
Life done taught me i'm not worthy.
Or God not sure which it is.
But neither likes me or want anything good for me.
I just need to understand why I've never really been wanted or needed for that matter.
What did I do?
I'm not a horrible person.
Even pedophiles have someone.
Family or a friend someone.
Family didn't want me from the beginning and hated me for existing.
Friends take advantage of me til there is nothing left to take.
Then the abandon me.
What did I do?
People say we'll you've always got God.
And I thought I did.
His betrayal cut the deepest.
And I found out my greatest fear was true.
Nobody has ever and will never want me.
I don't belong anywhere.
And no one claims me.
What did I do?


L. Mack
7/10/22

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Dear Lori. Hard to grasp. One day, we are alone again. I have learn. We can be alone with many people near. Once life, filled. Become empty. Maybe we decided our journey? I think we must begin a new life. Maybe more wiser? or less? I quit searching for God. Now i search for happiness. Thank you for sharing your amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Ranger Kessel]

Loneliness is a powerful emotion and its feels pretty awful when its falls on you. Never give up. There is always someone

[Shannon]

The pain here is palpable, you can feel it; if this indeed is your experience, you can feel it, and if not, respect… the expression is marvelous. I watched a movie a million years ago as a child, Excalibre; it was a King Arthur flick. It was enjoyable but there was a dialogue between Merlin and Arthur that has always stuck with me and helped me when I’ve felt alone or abandoned. Arthur was under attack, utterly alone and turned to Merlin, “What do I do?” The response, “ Oh Arthur, This is what it means to be King… to be King all alone.”