Insomnia

More often than not, I can't sleep at night. There's just an emptiness there, a deep and desolate loneliness that rages on like the brightest fire. The fire that used to be fed by our late night conversations, when you'd keep me up past 3 am because you cared. It's been over a year now and you're still keeping me up. But I haven't spoken to you in quite some time, you're just in my head. You occupy the space I never knew existed, leaving sweet poison that keeps me hooked on you. How could you expect me to pretend it never happened? You expect me to forget our nights, us, you. Just because you can move on, because she owns your nights now. Well I hope you can forgive me for believing in forever, I forgot that all things come to a painful halt, leaving nothing but destruction in its wake. You may have forgotten about me and the times we shared but you know why it's so goddamn impossible for me to let go? Because every moment, every person, every lyric, I relate to you. You brought me out of hell, just to send me back again. And that sweet little taste of heaven, oh dear god. That was you. You. You piece of s**t, you fucked me up real good. I hope you know I still can't sleep tonight. My whole body aches, aches for you. Well, I'm rambling. Making my own pathetic cliché, all because of you. You f*****g s**t.

Reviews

[Ryan Riley]

Wow! Very strong....can relate to these feelings of the past.

[Mikayla_Stagg]

Creates a very vivid image and uses lots of emotion which is great. Sort of short but straight to the point. I liked it

[J. K. Beach]

Kylie,

I had to go back and read the other chapters... this one seemed to come out of the head of Zeus full formed... but after reading the preceding ones it makes more sense.

You begin this quietly, without fanfare, but as you go along it picks up a bit of steam, steadily rising, then more steam, still rising, until suddenly the emotions explode over the page. You lull everyone to sleep again with the cliche line and then you kick em in the shin.

The emotions are strong, the language seems to fit, and I think it holds the readers attention, but one small thing would help the flow of the words--separate your thoughts and what amounts to an inner dialogue into a few paragraphs. I always do this when I write prose. If I just stream it out, I'll take a moment before I save it to organize it into meaningful, manageable chunks. Actually, I try to do this as I write... it keeps my thoughts organized as I go along.

It doesn't have to be a bunch of little paragraphs, but maybe 2,3,4 just depends, enough to relieve both the visual (large blocks of uninterrupted text are hard to read) and emotional density. This allows you to use the end of a paragraph to make a point of emphasis, then build your case make another point, etc., until you deliver the knock out punch in the end.

What you have written is very conducive to this small re-formation. I hope to check back in on later chapters. The whole book has some strong pieces. I want to see how you tie it all together in the end! Good work so far!

[wordman]

a great write painting a picture of sadness,love lost and anger all in one paragraph
yes it all comes to an end but if in a good way you have your memories to fall back on
life is full of sadness and loss in one way or another