Smoke

Smoke.

Rich and full of depth, leaking the words I can't bear to say.

It tells the story of us and what could have been.

The pictures begin to paint themselves, like poison dancing gracefully along fragile lips.

Night's full of endless possibilities and what I thought could be my forever.

A mind I wanted to get lost in, hiding from the monsters lurking within.

Arms I wanted to sleep in, the ones that would deliver me into a whole new world.

Lips I needed to taste, sharing sweet secrets that slowly intoxicated us.

Intoxication is a beautifully ironic thing.

There is no control yet so much strength and courage.

Like you can conqueror any mountain, any beast or demon that infiltrates your path.

Well you were my demon and I believed I could conqueror you.

But you are bigger than any mountain and more vicious than any beast.

You, my sweet beauty, ripped me to shreds and laughed at the sight.

Yet I begged for your painfully sweet touch.

I ached for the pain just to know I was alive.

Life pulses through my fingertips as I run them along the leather.

This jacket permanently represents you and me.

The fibers have been doused in the smells that embody our time.

I cringe at the thought that something so small,

could capture something so colossal.

My burning passion for you.

Your destruction of me.

The sad part is, 

I would willingly douse myself again.

But I will refrain and I will grow stronger than,

the smoke. 

Reviews

[Jack Wolfe]

Yet another tragic love affair . . . you managed to convey your emotion well in this piece, and the metaphor of smoke fit perfect.

Nights (Night's)

The only advice I'd offer is too make your lines more concise, you have some long wind lines, then short and simple, then back, which makes it read a bit choppy in places.

[kylie giamba]

Thank you for your compliments and criticism, I appreciate it!

[I Am Svetlana]

Hm, I can definitely relate to this, due to me being a smoker myself. It's a beautiful thing, yet so destructive. Strange that something so simple can capture us almost instantly upon our first touch. I love how you tried to describe it as a person, yet it's still the object that it was made to be. To see the smoke evolve, twist around and evaporate above our heads. Creating such a euphoric place which we forever wish to get lost in. This is definitely a favorite of mine :) and I love your writing style! Keep up the good work.

[kylie giamba]

Thank you so so much!

[PoeticParadox]

This was a very strong metaphor, really well done and I can definitely relate to the emotions and imagery here. Great job, I look forward to reading more from you.

[kylie giamba]

thank you!

[Sasha]

"Rich and full of depth, leaking the words I can't bear to say.
It tells the story of us and what could have been.
The pictures begin to paint themselves, like poison dancing gracefully along fragile lips.
Night's full of endless possibilities and what I thought could be my forever."

Oh my gosh this is amazing.. !!

[kylie giamba]

thank you so much :)

[anne]

intoxication is beautifully ironic thing.........the line that appeals to me most...........very emotional...........nice work.....

[kylie giamba]

thank you!

[Mikayla_Stagg]

I like the emotion in it and the peice over all. Kinda reads weird with the flow long then short then long again but its not bad at all. Good job :)

[kylie giamba]

Thank youu

[AskTheStreamer88]

Love the intoxication line! Brilliant! It may be about a lost lover, but, when open to interpretation it sounds like a tobacco or marijuana addiction which i think is really cool! Might even be, who knows right? :)

[kylie giamba]

Oh wow I didn't even think of that, great find. Anyways, thank you!

[Thelovelybones]

I really like this. It seems we have gone through something similar. Know matter how hard I try to let go, even though he has caused me so much pain, I just cant.

[kylie giamba]

This is why I love writing, you can connect to others from all over in the most emotional ways. It's amazing. Anyways, thank you very much!

[just Penny]

I have just read all three of the chapters, but in reverse order lol. Regardless, I enjoyed them all, each having their own unique flavor and full of emotion. I think what strikes me most is the power and resolve after the devastation, offering hope and positivity. Your writing style has a good flow and is easy to relate to. I will be by again to read more :) Penny

[kylie giamba]

That's really what "Tales From the Sea" is about haha the struggles I have gone through to become the stronger individual I am today. But anyways thank you so much, I appreciate your kind words more than you'll ever know. Glad you enjoyed them!

[Justin]

that was really great, i can picture everything in my head :) the way it is set up is awesome ;)

[kylie giamba]

thank you so much :)

[Justin]

your welcome, i really enjoyed reading it!!!

[S.J]

Wow, I loved that. There was so much emotion that you put into this. I thought the last part was brilliantly clever. I saw a few places that I would have changed though. Keep writing I think you are very great at it. I look forwards to reading more of your writings. SJ

[kylie giamba]

Thank you for both your compliments and criticism, I very much appreciate it!

[S.J]

Your welcome. It was such a great piece.