The Spark

Sometimes lovers take each other for granted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Charlie was driving in his classic model pickup down route 81 trying to decide what he wants to do next with his life.

But tonight, he can’t even decide where to drive next.

Rhiannon, his live in girlfriend of four years, has not been happy lately no matter what Charlie has tried to do for her. Money has been tight and Charlie has only recently been going back to work again after being laid off for over two months.

 

Rhiannon hated the country music that Charlie insisted he had to blast whenever they were in the truck. Lately, he just seemed so needy and never left her alone for a second. They had been together for so long now that everyone was starting to see them as an old married couple.

 

Rhiannon resented the implication that she was his only. For God's sake!  She had just turned 22 and she wanted to go out and party and enjoy life a little more. Charlie, on the other hand, wanted to stay in and be a couch potato. Tonight was actually one night when he had actually asked her out for a drive. Of course, she readily agreed hoping that this night would bring a spark to their flat lining relationship.

 

Charlie decides to take Rhiannon to Jakes Bar and Grill.  This had been the place where the two had met many moons ago and it did bring back good memories.  It was at Jakes where Charlie had first seen and had been instantly attracted to Rhiannon. 

 

Charlie had been playing darts with two buddies after work over two years ago when Rhiannon walked in with her best friend Julia.  Most of the evening was spent dancing to the live band “Immediate Force”.   Charlie and Rhiannon hit it off immediately and were very comfortable with each other.

Author's Note

I was thinking of making this into a chapter book.

Reviews

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

I like the plot, and the grammar is excellent! I think it would be more captivating for the reader if you would tell the story through either Rhiannon's or Chris's eyes (or both). It could still be third-person, but make the narrator less obvious. Especially at the end--it seemed really rushed just to say "they hit it off immediately and were very comfortable with each other."

[Becky C Strukamp]

It speaks volume of what happens to some relationships...an excellent story line...a chapter book will be well suited....very descriptive and leaves the reader wanting to know more about this couple.

[Lily Mae]

I think this is wonderful and I'm left with a feeling of wanting to read more of their story.. :) x

[Francesca]

You set up a good setting for a possible story, and I really think your note at the beginning about lovers taking each other for granted could be a huge theme if you try to turn this into a book. It feels like the back cover of a book that describes what's gonna happen. So when you make this longer, just make sure it's more of a story than a description of a story. If that makes any sense. Also, try not to start each paragraph with one of their names. Mix it up a bit. You have great detail and word choice, and this has the potential to be an interesting story. Good job :)

[Elizebeth Brooks]

I think this was so cute! I loved it. Great grammer, and the story couldn't have been better. Maybe, in the next chapter, put something close to how they met, and what made them fall in love, and stay with each other for so long. :-)

[Seashell]

I agree with review below. I think something to spice it up is needed, to hold the readers attention. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Thanks
Babsx

[KAREN]

I would love to read more on this, Nice job!!!

[Christie Moses]

well it does pull you right in :) I would love to find out the story of their first meeting and what happens later on with their relationship. It has a lot of potential. OH and i LOVE that pickup! :)