A Mothers Nightmare

     I had never loved before she came into my life....my parents didn't have love for us, so if they can't love you then how can others love you?  Men came and went in my life, but to me they were faces with names.  I couldn't really give love because I couldn't feel.

     Then I felt life inside of me and because it didn't work out for my other pregnancies, this one was special.  I craved McDonalds and ice cream.  I knew you were telling me something inside my tummy.  I was having gran mal seizures when they held me on the table and cut you out.  They didn't know if either one of us was ok at first.  I was out of it for days and I had a stroke and lost my short term memory.  But every time I saw you it was glorious!  You were so beautiful that I could not stop looking at you forever!  Each sound or move you made was cuter than the other before it!  I was totally in awe!

      As you grew it was exciting and my love grew each second of everyday for you! I had never felt so complete in my life!  You would stay with me and I could love you completely forever and ever! 

      You were the teacher's pet in almost every grade, they loved you.  You were the cutest little girl and people could see you beauty and of course the manners I taught you.  You were so precocious! 

       I even had two babysitters for you, one in Indiana and one in Kentucky and I told both of those mothers that I would pay them whatever they asked, because they had the most important job, I didn't I was just selling furniture.  How in the heck could that compare to you for God's sake!

       We always said we loved each other either on the phone or in person.  It was important to you, because you said what if I don't see you again?  It was important to me too, just because I love you so much! 

        You just grew so fast, but my heart grew with you, day after day, month after month and year after year. I loved you unconditionally.  Just like God loves us!

        Then you had a baby of your own and that was the happiest I ever saw you be!  You loved her so!  You were the best mom too.  You were even going to college to be an R.N. and on the Dean's list every semester!  I am so proud of you!

        But one day you were late for work and I got a call from your best friend to go and check on you.  I sent your Dad and I kept calling him and calling him and finally he blurted out she's dead!  My heart sank to the floor. I grabbed my shoes and ran out the door screaming and telling a neighbor and another neighbor insisted on taking me to your apartment.  I ran to the door and they said it was a crime scene and I couldn't see you and I waited and paced and paced for hours and finally they said I could see you.  I wasn't prepared to see you on the living room floor with blankets over you, except your face and feet.  You looked just like you were sleeping and I begged and begged for you to wake up.  Please Kymber!  Come home with Mommy, please!  You were so soft to the touch and you were still wet from the shower.  I said you can sleep at the house Kymber!  Open your eyes for Mommy!  Don't do this to me....I sang you I will always love you and gently rubbed your face and I asked if I could kiss each of your feet, because I loved those little feeties.  They were so cute...but they started flashing the flashlight and telling me I had to go.  I think a lot of my heart stayed in that room with you, the part I took was riddled with holes. I lost the greatest love I have ever known, Kymber, the day I lost you.  I still love you Angel and always will, more every second, I promise. 

You are the GREATEST LOVE I have ever known....Mommy

       

Reviews

[danny]

gosh it''s easy to feel for mom of course but it is personal it's like if i write about committing suicide 3 times if i write it point blank it will be very boring like this work you have to sculpt it into a work of art just my opinion

[kyam]

Thanks for your review, I do appreciate it...

[BlaqkShadow]

I got very emotional reading this, I know how personal it is to you and I thank you for sharing with us all, much love friend XxXx

[kyam]

Thank you for your wonderful review....you are so precious! It just seems like you understand so much and for that I am thankful....Kyam