I can't stay here anymore

My heart is missing

     This past weekend I almost vanished and boy did I want to so badly.  My life was great until Oct. 1st, 2014, when a phone call came in and it was my daughter's best friend and supervisor at her work calling and said that she was 15 minutes late and that wasn't like her and could someone check on her please.

      Her father went over and her car was in the parking lot and he knocked and knocked and finally he got the maintenance man to let him in and walked back into the hallway.  He looked over to his left and there she was lying on the floor dead.  Her four and a half-month-old daughter Serenity on the bed.  So needless to say my life has crashed and burned.

      That child was my heartbeat, my life, my everything.  Oh God, please help me!  I beg of you.  My heart is absolutely broken and I have no desire to live.  This weekend I wrote poems about my demise.  It's still a day to day event for me.  The piece of my life that I worshiped is gone and how do I go on, please somebody tell me, please.. It's been 11 months and at the one year anniversary we will have a balloon release for her memory.  OMG!!  Can you hear me screaming anyone?  Get me out of this gut-wrenching pain.  Stick a knife in my heart, it would be less cruel.  Kymber, my love, please, please come back to Mommy.  I can't do this without you!  Do you hear me God?

       But then Sunday her spirit came to me and gave me hope.  I heard her say "Mommy calm down, it's not the time" and I felt better and I put the pills back in the drawer.  Then this morning a fellow writer sent me an email asking me how my weekend was, I guess because he read some of my writings.  Someone noticed and I wasn't invisible. That gave me a semblance of hope.  So I'm sticking around for today and who knows what the tomorrow bring.  But I'm still alive and that's the way Kymber wants it. Thank you, baby, for stepping in for your Mommy.  You saved my life.......

Reviews

[lovejulez03]

Thank you for sharing such a deep part of your thought process and feelings. There's beauty in the immense vulnerability that people choose to reveal in their writing. Hugs for you

[kyam]

Thank you for reading my work, I do appreciate that so much. Your words are so kind and will be in my heart....Kyam

[Robert Parlange]

Writing is good therapy. Writing is also about empathy.
There is an old saying, "write what you know." Actually I think it should be, "write what you feel."
Keep writing, kyam, you are doing great.

[kyam]

Thank you once again for your beautiful review, it touches my heart...Kyam

[Relic]

This is heartbreaking to say the least. There is an afterlife and we have to believe that. Now you know she's watching so make the best of your life for her. I wish nothing but the best.

[kyam]

Thank you for taking your precious time to review me as I have said and I want you to know how deeply your words have moved me, you so are precious....Kyam

[Relic]

I hope you are able to get through it and feel better soon. You're welcome.