very rough draft beginnings of a story

I slipped under the invisible first layer of the skin of existence the year my mother died. I was only a girl  - I was nine years old, and my mother's death was the first of a string of unnameable events that left me voiceless, stunned into troubled silence that threatened to engulf me.

Had it not been for the events that followed, I believe I'd have continued to fade listlessly into the background. In retrospect, I cannot for certain validate the truth of these experiences, but there remains inside of me the invincible heart of a searching child whose desperate and silent pleas for guidance, company, love, and security were answered.
I attribute my survival only to the magic of that time, and I believe even now that anything less would have been insufficient.

Reviews

[K. D. Kromminga]

Hmmm. I like the ideas, but you've "framed" yourself in a difficult situation if the narrator is the protagonist to your story. By using retrospect, it gives a story less of an emotional impact if we know or suspect the character already survived the ordeal, since they are the person narrating the story. You can eliminate the problem by taking the opening and maybe making it a fragment of a journal entry or something like that as an introduction(you could switch back and forth between first and third person if you wanted to with this method), or you can just start the story out with the collage of scenes, starting with the one were her mother dies which would be even more compelling. Philosophy is wrong, at least in fiction, its as much about the end as it is about the journey. So if you're telling or even giving too strong a hint of the ending when you first start your story what compelling reason are you giving the reader to read on?

[kwestion22]

Wow, thank you. I completely agree that I kind of backed myself into a corner - I have been puzzling on how to proceed with the story, how to smoothly transition to where I want to start the actual story with this introduction. But then I'm having trouble figuring that out with all of my ideas lately, and I've just started TRYING to write again. And I know this isn't uncommon. But thank you! I might keep this intro in separate document and see where it might fit later, if it still fits once the story's going at all, etc. I really appreciate this feedback, thank you.

[Addi]

Very interesting start and beautifully written.

[kwestion22]

Thank you!

[Craig2591]

An intriguing start. Piqued my interest. I'd like to see more.

[kwestion22]

Aw thank you so much! I appreciate it. I'm so new at trying to write again but I do have a heart for this story and the character (who's been on my mind a lot lately!)

[Kaya]

This may only be a rough draft, but i think it has a kind of raw eloquence that speaks volumes about where its leading. I definitely connected with this piece and I'm so curious as to where it goes next.

[kwestion22]

Thank you! It took me days just to get myself to punch out a paragraph and I really appreciate the boost of confidence - it's just what I needed after a few dry years and it means a lot!