Blinded

He lets himself into her apartment even though he's not supposed to, and loses every chance he had at ever winning her back.

blinded

I never know when I’m done. That has always been my greatest weakness, but at the same time, my blind persistence has gotten me where I never could have been.

My shoes crunch on chips of green paint on the disgusting, wet, moldy wooden floor of your apartment building’s second floor hallway, and my key turns in the lock. The key I came to return. I pull up on the doorhandle, turn it, and shove my shoulder between the frame of the door and the door itself, and it swings open with a heavy groan. S**t. I instantly berate myself, mentally. I’m just and old friend coming over to visit. Is that what I’ve become? I’m not supposed to let myself in, but like I said, I never know when I’m done.

And then I see you fogging up the mirror - the steam and vapor swirls around your head and settles on the ceiling above and the fan sends it twirling. I see your body glistening in the shower, and you look beautiful. Everything about this says that I’m making poor choices, and I should leave, come back in a hour and knock this time but no - I want to stay right here and go down on you for an hour, and stay, and let the day just fade away and in a wild moment, have this moment and let our love run, my mind takes this moment of hope and lets it run to a world where we never look back at our words, insults, the punches thrown, and we don’t look back at all the damage we have done now to each other.

When I see you, it’s like I’m staring down the sun, and I’m blinded, and even though there’s nothing left to do, I still see you.

I never believed that things could happen for a reason until I met you, but now I see that everything happens for a reason but they never go as planned.

You invited me over for us to go eat, and I wanted to thank you. Thank you because you brought me back to leave, and gave me vision, a reason to go on, which is something I had lost, and you returned it, but as I stand here, watching you shoer, I realized that you’re past the point you could ever understand what I’m trying to say.

And now you see me staring, and I know you’re not going to want to go out anymore, but apart from that I can’t tell anything else as you grab a towel and look away. I have no idea of what to say to you. Say something clean? Or maybe clever? Without thinking, what comes out is, “Oh well, whatever.” But that’s not what I mean and all at once I flashback to our best days together.

But when I see you, you know all the things I’ve done and I’m still blinded, like I’m staring down the sun. I’m blinded.

My chance to maybe win you back is ruined, as time passes and time tells me, shows me what I’m left with and all you see of me and remember of me are my actions, my mistakes, and maybe I’m a fool, all burned out, spent even, from denial and defiance of this, but I never gave up on you.

What happens next is not an ironic tshirt, or a sad slow song that you hear on the radio when it rains, and I’m born again - and you and I both know that it’s not easy being me with all my problems and somwhere I know you want me to be better, but I can’t promise I will mend or bend to you ignorant beliefs that we can be fixed from our fight, and still you know I’ll try again.

Because when I see you, in spite of all that we’ve become, I’m still blinded like I’m staring down the sun, when I see you. When I see you, I’m blinded.

Reviews

[compositionc]

That was just...whoa. Very nicely penned! I'm always a sucker for short romance stories, especially the angst kind. That was amazing.
Poor guy. I like how you keep using the word 'blinded'.
Awesome.