The Good Times

The title of the poem is strongly sarcastic. The poem depicts the present times; where nothing is right, nothing is just, nothing is tolerable.

Onyx skies, and frozen clocks
On guillotines, the humans bark.
Bullets breeze, made of plasticines,
Out of spleens.

Gaping out, at the ailing streets
Where blasphemy and religion meet.
Bambinos speak, for partisans cheap,
An unheard scream.

Dingy cells, and stingy cops,
Wearing treachery, and disguising props.
Women raped, on a roadside stop,
For their thrill....

Comradeship dropped, like yellow piss,
A bed of roses, and Judas’ kiss.
Diabolical fiend, peeling his outer skins,
For peace.

No one tries to mend this hour,
And no one tries to kill this scar.
Everywhere preached, yet can’t be reached
It’s so far...

Author's Note

Please give your review since it is very important for me to know my flaws, and correct them for my literary betterment.

Reviews

[spiritwind]

I... wow... words fail me
I know you want a learned review
but I am stunned by what you wrote
and how you wrote it
I wouldn't touch a word--
the fourth line in every stanza jarred me
but after a while I thought the jarring right
That third stanza pierced the heart and soul--do not change a word or a comma
Maybe I will read this again in a month and have something especially perceptive and helpful to say---but right now, I just sit in the ruins of life amid the war of hatred versus hatred and think you are quite a writer

[Victorious]

Dear Kushal,

I found the first and last stanza to be out of sync with the rest of the poem. For example, "Bullets breeze, made of plasticines,/ out of spleens." Are you sure you meant to use the word, "plasticines?" The definition I know of is clay like material and our spleen is not made of clay or you probably meant to say spleens as feeble as plasticines. I am not sure, but the second stanza to the third one had a good scheme going on. Why didn't you do the same with the first and last stanza or did you mean to do it that way. The flow of the last stanza threw me off.

Other than that, I really enjoyed the middle parts, though. I found the fourth stanza to be powerful and I feel the "social outcry" you portray in your piece. I loved their flow how you left one line at the end as a blank verse. I found that strategic and was disappointed when you didn't utilize the same strategy with the first and last stanza. Words like "diabolical," "dropped," and "like yellow piss" made me really feel the anger. I especially love the title, which definitely displays the sarcastic tone.

Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely Victorious

God bless

[Kushal]

@Victorious: Well, I tried to create a pun around bullets, its second meaning being complemented by 'plasticines'. First meaning is, and which is very evident, is the constant hatred among people, the regular shootouts,fights etc. The second being how, the bullets are breaking into our bodies and moulding us into some other hatred filled sadist,as if it were plasticines. I agree it wasn't that lucid enough. :)

Thank you for your review! :)

[dunnia]

i love the last line....very nicely written

[Aaron]

"Everywhere preached, yet can’t be reached
It’s so far..."
Great ending. Great word choice throughout the whole poem. It's very harsh. Very raw.

Thanks for sharing.

[Kushal]

Thank you, I'm overwhelmed. ^_^

[♪Barklight♪]

This poem's pretty good Kushal ^_^ well done

[Kushal]

Thank You. ^_^

[Arielle Ann]

oh yes, now I realize why you call the title sarcastic...strong words reflecting the present state in a straightforward way...the rhyming was perfect, great choice of words and a strong message...surely strikes a chord...thanks for sharing this!

[Kushal]

Thanks a lot. ^_^

[the_stoic]

blood and gory .. hmm .. coming from our young generation it just doesn't bid well for our future .. your choice of words is apt and it does weave an imagery in the readers mind which shudders him.. keep writing !

[Kushal]

Thanks a lot. ^_^

[Abby Abramowitz]

This is very dark. It has saddness interwoven as well.

[Kushal]

Yes it is.

Thank you for reading. :)

[mandy]

the good times~ the present times, is there ever the best time....all the things you mentioned have happened before and will happen again. it is up to us to make it a better world... you wrote a good poem.

[Kushal]

Here I did not get into the debate of what happened before. I just wrote what I've seen happening. :)

And it is most definitely present times. The 'Youth' speak now.

It is about your and my times.. Yes, it happened before, but not at the same frequency like now.


Thank you for your valuable comment. :)