Hero in the Night

Jonah said: "In my distress I called to the LORD,

And he answered me.

From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,

And you listened to my cry.

(Jonah 2:2)

Jonah had always wanted to be a superhero. Someone that can look down on everyone else, while everyone else looked back up. Jonah believed that he had a higher calling, and his mother always told him, “You’re destined for greatness,” He needed to prove her right; there weren’t any other options. So he stepped outside of his house and lay on the soft grass and stared up at the stars above. He made a silent promise that one day, he would get as close as he could get to those stars, and then he would keep going. But he can’t remember that anymore, because time is selfish, and sometimes, it keeps the details for itself.

Jonah just sat there in his locked up motel room, and stared at the shifting patterns on his ceiling. He didn’t want to be anywhere else than right there, right now. With a broken glass on the counter, a needle in his arm, and a weak smile on his face. There were noises in his head, sounds of low moans and quiet whistles. This made him a little disappointed. He could experience everything at once and that’s what it sounded like? He soon forgot about it and went back to staring at the ceiling.

Then the noises returned, louder this time. He looked over at the two men in his room, one on the couch, the other in a plastic chair, and wondered if the noise was them. He didn’t ask. There were three rules to being a druggie: People can’t join a circle, don’t get high off of your own supply, and don’t blow someone's buzz. So he said nothing, just laid there on the tattered recliner, and concentrated on a light changing colors rapidly on the window.

That’s when it clicked. That’s when the little guy, buried under strychnine and sugar, finally screamed loud enough to snap Jonah out of his state of delusion. Jonah almost flipped, hopping off of the recliner, and he scurried his way to the window. He peered from the bottom of the pane, and saw two squad cars with lights blaring, but sirens down to a murmur. Tripping over his left leg, he ran over to his partners and shook them. One of them, still dazed and confused, stared at him blankly, while the other gave him a dirty look. “Dude what th-” he started. He was silenced by one word: “Cops,”

He did a sort of flailing movement as he rolled off of the couch. We both shook him until he too was flailing around and crawling off of his throne. I looked through the curtains again and saw that they were only speaking with each other, staring at this sheet of paper, but occasionally they would point towards a window. “How, h-how did they know…” one of them trailed off. He said his name was Swain, but everyone had given fake names to protect whatever identities they had left. The other one was Marin, and Jonah had called himself Jop. Marin started to sob a little, no doubt the drugs were really f*****g with him now.

Jonah thought about Swain’s question. They hadn’t told anyone where they were going, and last time they checked, the rooms around them were unoccupied, and Marin even stole the key to the room two doors to the left. That left one person: that f*****g shrink. His parole officer had taken him to this guy, this guy who was supposed to give him advice. Jonah had told him his routine, including where he gets the drugs, where he goes, and at what time. He advised him to go to this group where he could get help; where he could talk to people in the same situation as him. He walked out with a thanks but no thanks, and closed the door behind him. He thought that that was the end of it all, but this was not the type of man who was okay with letting someone else get away with the last words.

Jonah started to freak out. The drugs and his psyche combined and put him in a state of indescribable panic.  “No, no, no no nonono…” he muttered. “Nonononono… shitshitshit...” “Jop, we just n-need to c-c-calm down a-and think, th-they might not even be looking f-f-for us,” Marin said, sounding out of breath. “NO, they know, and it’s my fault, it’s my fault it’s my fault oh god…”

Jonah was looking all the cool the scag had given him. “Guys they just looked our way,” Swain was still peering over the window sill, looking at the now three-car group of pigs outside the building. I checked with him, and noticed that the six men seemed to come to a conclusion, and headed for the stairway. The stairway that led up to their room. Marin pulled us away and sat on the ground. “Game over man, game over,” “But I don’t wanna go back man,” Swain said, on the verge of crying, “I don’t wanna go back...”

This was Jonah stopped. He closed his eyes, and looked into his heart, and with every ounce of brainpower he could muster up, he used the one super power he had. He opened his eyes, and stopped everything. As time slowed down, he exhaled, and looked at the clock in there room. From the dim moonlight, he saw that the second hand had stopped. This was his gift, his power. He thought about his life, his mom, the look she had on her face when she saw him in the holding cell. The sound of her cries when the hammer slammed down. Her little hero on the other side of a glass wall. He would never be more.

But he could, right now, he had a choice. In the second that lasted forever, he had to make a choice. He could go down with the ship, admit defeat and lose his legacy, or would he be something more. He could drown in the dull waters and take the storm with him, be the hero he wanted to look up at. He made a choice, and for the first time in his life, he got to touch the stars.

He got up, grabbed Marin, and said, “Keep your head down,” Before he could respond, Jonah got up, aimed for the window, and he charged. As he broke through the thin glass, he spread his arms, and flew. He flew up to the sky and got as close as he could get to the stars. He grabbed one, and pulled himself further and further into the black night. He stayed there for as long as he could, looking down at the earth below, when he had an epiphany.

Earth really wasn’t that far away, he could almost touch it with the tip of his shoe. It meant that the stars had always been equally close, it was just a matter of believing that he could grab them. He had always been a hero, he just never took off his disguise. But now he flew, he flew through the side of the building, and landed with a thud on the pavement below. Luckily, the drugs masked the pain enough for him to get up and start booking it. He yelled “F**K THE POLICE!” as loud as he could while he sprinted, trying to get as much attention away from the building as possible, and it worked.

The officer’s coming up the stairs had been so taken aback that they had completely dropped the idea of searching the room. They both ran back and got in their squad cars, but the other car had pulled away and was already gaining on him. They got as close to him as possible, and stepped out of the car. One of them yelled something at Jonah, but the adrenaline in his brain blocked them out.

When the taser rods hit his back, Jonah fell face forward on the asphalt, and jerked around. He craned his neck around to see the two officers and the squad car approaching. Behind them he saw Marin and Swain through the window, but not a broken one. They were watching from the room two doors down. That’s when he did something he hadn’t done honestly in years: he smiled.

He smiled as they handcuffed him, and he smiled all the way down to the station. When he saw his mother, he didn’t speak. He didn’t try to explain. He just put his hands on her shoulders, and pulled her in close. He held her until they both started crying. The only thing he could say was, “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry,” Something he had never told her before. When he stood in front of the judge, he pled guilty. Taken completely by surprise, the judge asked if there was a deal made behind his back. Jonah shrugged his shoulders, and said, “I told  them I didn’t want one,” Now both the judge and his mother were wearing the same look of shock that Marin did when he saw Jonah jump through that cheap, motel window.

Sitting in his cell, a guard came by and his hands around the bars. “Someone has a visitor,” he said, frowning a bit. As Jonah stood up, he tried to think of who would be visiting him on a Tuesday. His mom came once every week, but she had already been there on Sunday, after church. He had told the lawyers she was sending to back the hell off, so he really hoped he wouldn’t see a suit through a glass. Instead, he saw a navy blue hoodie, tattered jeans, and old Nike tennis shoes. It was Marin. Jonah just stared at him in awe. They both looked at each other through the thick, bulletproof pane of glass for about a minute, before Jonah finally started speaking“How, how did you find-” Marin took an old black leather wallet from his pocket, and said, “You left your driver’s license in the room, and I grabbed it before we bailed,”

Jonah just shook his head and chuckled. “Damn,” He whispered. “I don’t know where the hell you got that f****n idea, but you saved me and Swain’s asses,” He just stared at him, then he chuckled again with his eyes closed. They both held a comfortable silence that hung for about thirty seconds.

“Look man,” Marin finally said, “Swain and I cleaned up, and we’ve been working a bit. How long is your sentence?” “Five years with good behavior” Jonah responded, a bit cheerfully. “Well, we’ve been saving a little money with each paycheck, money for you. Without you, we would’ve been fucked. You saved us man. So when you get out of this cage, you find me, and I’ve got an envelope with your name on it,”. He gave Jonah a shy half smile, as if waiting for some kind of response. Jonah just sat there, completely dumbfounded, trying to make sense of what he had just heard.

He just looked at him. “I-I don’t know what to say-” “Than say nothing,” Marin responded speedily. “You don’t need to say anything. You saved us man, this is the least we can do for you,” Jonah had that same plastered look of confusion and shock as the judge did that day. He kept it for a moment, then he buried his head in his hands, and wept. He wept harder and harder until the tears soaked his cheeks and started to form at the collar of his jumpsuit.

Marin just sat there, smiling a little, shy smile. He didn’t say anything until the guard behind Jonah tapped his wrist twice, motioning that time was up. “I’ve gotta go man,” Jonah looked up, looking like a lost puppy. “But bro,” Marin said, “I am not leaving,”. He hung the phone on its post, and got up. Jonah rose up with him. “See ya,” Marin nodded, and headed out. As Jonah walked back to his cell, he looked up. He couldn’t see the stars anymore, but he knew that they were out there, looking down on him. It wasn’t so bad looking up after all.

Author's Note

I REALLY want feedback on this story. I want to know what you think, parts of it that stuck out, and how it could be improved. Thanks!

Reviews

[Strawberry Evil]

A really god, well written story! I like the main character, very well put together.
I also like the ending, it fits the mood of the story and leaves me curious, and that's good.
Also, the fact that there's a line from the Bible, doesn't bother me, like I first thought it would. It fits in with the story, and serves well as first lines.
Good job!

[nk36n37e]

Thank you! And I thank you for continuing forward despite the bible verse, that was probably my biggest conflict with publishing the story. I eventually decided that the story would lose a layer if I took it out, so I kept it in. Much appreciated!

-Noah

[Strawberry Evil]

It wouldn't be as powerful without it I think :)

[BlaqkShadow]

A fantastic story, I loved, loved, loved reading it. The main character is well developed even in such a short space of time, you can fill in the blanks about what's happened to him in his past, and what it means to be truly heroic. Not all heroes are obvious, and I love that you brought that to light in this.
The part that stuck out for me the most was the vacancy caused by drugs being equal to his trying to reach for the stars, so much so he doesn't see the derelict room and desperate situation he is in. A real gem, thank you for writing this. x

[Archos]

Great story. The composition feels very professional and you obviously know what you're doing. I would perhaps work a little more on the atmosphere (it didn't drag me in as much as some stories - just my impression, I don't see a major problem in it). You might want to re-read as well, there were a few mistakes. Great job though, thanks for sharing!

[nk36n37e]

Thank you very much for your review! You're right, this was more of a rough draft than a finished story, but I put it on here anyways to see what I could do to improve it. in terms of the atmosphere, what are some tactics that you've seen that might help me a bit more in keeping the reader interested?
Thanks again,
-Noah

[Archos]

I can't think of anything specific (being an amateur, what is more beginner I know little theory), but I would simply suggest concentrating on the senses.

[Robert Parlange]

This is a good story. It has a strong main character and a beginning, middle, and end. It is an actual short story. Great job.

There is one problem I found though. In the paragraph that starts with, “Jonah thought about Swain's question,” it changes from third person to first person, then back again. Was that intentional? Sometimes I'm a little dense.