Redneck Runaway

Two Boys ready to start over

Redneck Runaway.....

Seemed like a great plan,Bruce and I had really done it this time. "We'll Show Them!"....

 We had put allot of time and effort into building that Fort. So what if Mom's Roses were in the way.. We took care of it.... "Mom!.. They'll grow back for Christ sakes!"

 Being Grounded for two weeks is rather harsh on an Eleven year old don't you think? "Well, at least I wasn't raking leaves like Bruce was.".. He had a really big a*s yard....

 I watched the sun go down through my window. The street lights softly glowing as they warmed to a brand new night. It was time to put our plan into action,Bruce and I had been talking secretly by phone throughout our two weeks of solitary confinement. We had both come to the conclusion that there was a better place to be so we had decided to just pack up and abandon ship. We would travel farther by foot than any kid before us. We would WALK all the way to my Aunts house... She would surely take us in.. She was the Best Auntie in the whole world... She ALWAYS had gum in her purse......"ALWAYS!"......

 I grabbed my sleeping bag and shouted to Mom as I ran out the door.."__________".."OK I really didn't say anything.... I had been grounded for two weeks. I was happy to still be alive.".. "Sue me.".

Bruce and I had the perfect plan. We would set up camp in Overby's woods like we had done so many times before.. We would camp the night as usual.."Just in case Mama came looking.".

 Early the next morning, right after we finished following the Milk truck around."We knew every single house he delivered Chocolate Milk to."....wink. We would take whatever we could carry..."We forgot to factor in the weight of four gallons of Chocolate milk."....Damn!......

"Shhhhhh.... Hey Bruce....You bring any money?"............"YEP."......... "Well, How much ya got?"........."THREE DOLLARS."........... "OK, I got six dolors in pennies in this bag.".... "I'm hungry, you Hungry?"......... "YEP!".... Bruce was always hungry...........

We set out on our journey this cold October morning... The first leg of our journey would take us to the all night Tote-some store about two miles up the road. The 24 hour convenience store was a brand new concept around this time. This one was the very first to open in our neck of the woods. What better place after 30 minutes of travel, to take a break, get a little refreshment, and most important of all to an eleven year old......EAT!

Bruce and I sat out back stuffing ourselves with Ding Dongs and Cherry cola. Nine whole dollars would buy an endless supply back then. We had our fill and continued on our way.

 "Hey Bruce."...."WHAT?"......."Man it sure is dark out here tonight."........."DUDE!...IT'S DARK EVERYNIGHT!"... "I know that but.....Do ya have to walk so fast?"

This time of morning right before the sun shows itself when the dew is forming and the night chill has reached it's peak. Your mind starts to wander and you wonder if this great plan was such a good idea? Aunt Pansy is the best aunt in the whole world but Mama sure does make good Biscuits.

"Hey Bruce, I'm tired, You tired?"........"YEP!"..... "Let's stop and drink up some of this chocolate milk. I'm getting real tired of hauling it." It's funny, but after almost a complete gallon of chocolate milk one still can go about his normal routine. I figure we had traveled well over half way and a little belly ache never stopped nobody right?.

"Hey Bruce."........"WHAT?"........."I don't feel so good." Now you must remember we had consumed ding dongs and cherry cola in life threatening proportions prior to the two gallons of now, warm chocolate milk. Somewhere at around mile marker number 4 mother nature decided to rear her ugly head. "DUDE!.....OMG!......THAT'S JUST GROSS!...I'M GONNA DIE!".............. Yep!. You guessed it...... Strait from the pages of the Exorcist.... I kuntry, Child runaway extrodnair..... did .. Projectile puke all over Bruce's Back...."The dumb a*s shoulda walked faster." So here we are. Two little boys.... Miles from Mama... one of us covered in vomit.... Trust me here... Them chocolate ding dongs can take on a whole new shape once they have been ate.. EWWWWWWWWW!.... "Did y'all know that chocolate milk will kinda clabber up once ya drink it?...... Neither did I....But it does."EWWWWWWWWWWW!... Now what do we do? We are miles from home and Aunt Pansy's house doesn't seem to be getting any closer..... We just continued on up that road.. From this point on I made Bruce walk behind me. "He smelled like vomit for Christ sakes.".. When we finally could see My aunts house in the distance we just knew soon all our troubles would be over. We rang the door bell with anticipating a welcome fit for kings... When Aunt Pansy greeted us in her robe through sleepy eyes it kinda threw us for a minute...

"Hey, Auntie... It's me.....Punk'n.......Your FAVORITE nefew?".... "Me and Bruce have come to live with you Our Mama's are being MEAN to us."

 Well folks........ Sometimes a good plan isn't so good after all. There is no Happy ever after to this story. The answer to our dreams turned out to be a whole new Nightmare.. Aunt Pansy wasn't up to taking on two new kids. She called my Mama faster than Grandpa getting to the Viagra line. And she whooped me twice as hard...(Y'all think about it.. It'll come to ya.)... Bruce ended up raking his yard and the neighbors yard too......Me?....... I did my two weeks laying on my stomach.. All the while thinking about Mine and Bruce's next adventure.......... Y'all wear them smiles today........kuntry