An Experiment in Artificial Stupidity!

Road rash hurts

 

   An Experiment in Artificial Stupidity

Howdy Folks,
I have a couple of friends that are ? WELL! I'll just say ALL FOAM!! NO BEER!.... May Have a little TOO MUCH YARDAGE BETWEEN THE GOAL POST! But I still love um to death, so we'll just leave it at that...
Now I have this one friend that I've known since we was about 6 or 7 years old......For the stories sake we'll just call him BRUCE... Even though his I.Q. is only about 2 and it takes at least a 3 to be able to grunt. I would just die if he knew I was talking about him...(REALLY HIS BIG OLE DUMB A*S WOULD KILL ME!). So just in case he may read this someday And I know how to get him to stop? I'll just say::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
BRUCE! THIS AIN'T ABOUT YOU! OK! For the ones that stayed with me??? HERE'S YA STORY....Folks one day a long long time ago, when Kuntry was just a small Redneck, My buddy Bruce and me had been at my house watching the Sat. Morning Cartoons......Well after them cartoons was over a show came on that has stuck with me for most of my life........It was filmed,(Yes I said FILMED!) Back then they didn't tape anything......(Didn't ya just love it when ya was at the movies and the film would melt right before your eyes?) Some of ya know what I'm talking about don't cha??????????It would take um 20 minutes to splice it all back together. Only to have it break again 2 minutes later! (THEM WAS THE DAYS.......)
OK! I'm getting off subject here..........Me and Bruce was watching this show.. It was all about making a soap box car......Now if ya don't know what that is?? GOOGLE IT! I ain't got time to splain everything........
By the time that show was over. Me and Bruce was thinking we could be the next winners of the NATIONAL SOAP BOX DERBY.....(At least that's what I was thinking.... God and Bruce are the only ones that knew what was in that boys head.) I swear to GOD! I actually caught him talking to a tree once.........DON'T ASK!!!!!!!!
Now when ya have 1 and a half brains working together. Whatever you build should be at least 1 and a half times better than the other guys.... RIGHT????? Thought so!!!! So we gathered us up a few things to make our soon to be WORLD FAMOUS car................Lots of 2 by 4's.....CHECK!, Lawn chair minus the legs.........CHECK!, 2 Bike wheels for the back and 2 lawn mower wheels for the front......CHECK... WARNING!!!!!! ( Dad ain't to happy when ya steal the wheels off his mower). The last one was for future cars...... Nails.........Check........ Saw.....?????????? NOPE! NO SAW! Thats OK.. we'll just use this old hatchet......(BRUCE'S IDEA!) wink Hammer...NOPE!... Not to worry.. You can nail with this old pipe..(YET AGAIN! Not my IDEA!
Folks we spent most of the day and part of the next trying out different concepts..... Finally we had the finished product.....AND BOY WAS SHE PRUDY! Her slick plywood body was da bomb.. Now I'll try my best here to draw ya a mental picture..(ALL YOU BRUCE'S OUT THERE THIS DON'T PERTAIN TO YOU!).... Imagine if you will? About 5 feet of rolling splinters... With a legless lawn chair for a seat.(NOT your plain Jane lawn chair... A FOLDING ONE..). The front wheels.(THEM BEING THE ONES DAD LET US BORROW... wink) were attached to a 2 by 4 mounted by ONE nail to the underside of the front....We called this our HORSE AND BUGGY steering system..... We had tied a rope to that front Axel, next to each wheel. That way you could turn either way simply by pulling on the rope.....(YEP! BRUCE'S IDEA!). We had attached the back wheels. (These would be the ones from my little brothers Bike) to the back using only 2 nails...(WELL! THEY HAD TO BE ABLE TO TURN).. Now don't y'all fret.. Rednecks always think safety first.. So we made us a REAL seatbelt like them Nascar folks have. Using Rope.. Don't worry, we had both lap belt and shoulder belt..
Well, It was now time to test drive our project car for the first time..... After arguing about it for sometime we decided that yours truly would get to be the test driver and Bruce could drive it when we got to the Nationals..(DAMN I'M GOOD!) Now we chose a location for our test drive that had all the right things..... IT WAS A STEEP A*S HILL......... So we gathered up a few more buddies. (For crowd control and such). and off we went the mile down the road to where this hill was located........Now I call this a hill because thats what it is..... But when we was young we use to call it PORK CHOP MOUNTAIN... It was the steepest longest baddest hill in our nieborhood.... If I had to guess I would say it was about an eighth of a mile long, with a pitch of about STRAIT A*S DOWN!
We readied our car for it's first test... Me at the wheel.(WELL! UM AT THE ROPE!) Had all the safety devices attached... I was tied in,strapped in,and for the final safety feature handed an old Saints Football Helmet to wear..........
A few of the crowd control buddies gave me a big shove and man it was off to the races.....
Everything was going according to plan for about the first 20 or 30 yards.. Then it gets a little fuzzy.. (HMMMMMMMMMM? MAYBE IT WAS ALL THE G FORCES?)I sorta remember when the front wheel fell off..... I sorta remember that car flying to pieces as it started to roll...I kinda remember laying in the middle of the road with a lawn chair tied to my a*s.....But I don't remember the ambulance ride..(DAMN! THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN COOL.) I don't remember the exact moment my arm broke.. Or how many times my head hit the pavement before my Saints helmet fell off.... But I did learn a few lessons that day... ALWAYS LET BRUCE GO FIRST!!! LITTLE TINY ROCKS HURT WHEN YOUR MAMA IS DIGGING THEM FROM VARIOUS PARTS OF YOUR BODY! But the most important lesson I learned that day???? One that has stuck with me through all these years?????????
NEXT TIME!!!!!!! USE MORE NAILS!
Y'all wear a smile today...

Reviews

[Melanie Jane Boicourt S..]

It sounds like Bruce was the one with the full brain in this project. Seriousely, he had the good ideas and knew better than to be the test crash dummy.
Lol!
Sorry 'bout the road rash.
Thanks for sharing.
Love All, Mejasha