YEP! They Got Me...

Joke My a*s.

YA GOT ME!

 

 

 

 

HOWDY FOLKS,

Don't ya just love a really good practical joke? Long before the likes of TV shows like Punk ed and Girls Behaving Badly, there was three guys that liked to refer to themselves as "DA CREW".

These guys would reach new heights on Stupid Mountain whenever the situation would allow..

Yep! I just happened to be one of the three... Trust me, we was always trying to come up with ways to one up the others.. Now we really didn't have any rules and sometimes these little Funny Follies wasn't to funny..

Like the time we ran a wire from the spark plug of Bruce's truck into the cab and tied it to the drivers seat... Whenever you would try to start the motor it would shock the crap outta ya.... Now I have to admit, first few times this was pulled it was funny as funny gets. But the time That truck actually started and Bruce would Jump so high whenever he touched the ignition switch that he busted his head open on the roof. That wasn't to funny... WELL, MAYBE JUST A TAD......

Now folks, safety really wasn't much of a concern back then.. Hell, we were teenagers, Nothing could hurt us... So Looking back at a few of the stunts we pulled, it's a wonder we are all still alive... Now I'll admit our jokes were not always well recieved.... One time we got a rope and hung another buddy Tim from a tree.. Now Tim never was in any type of danger... But the way we made it look turned out to be kinda dangerous for the rest of us.... We tied the rope around his chest and under his arms. Then we made a hangman's noose and put it around his neck... From a distance it looked just like he had hung himself... Now we got a few laughs when some school kids would see him while walking home from school... But it stopped being funny the minute his Mom drove up and thought that he had really hung himself....And when the police showed up a couple minutes later, They didn't think it was to funny either... So I'm Happy to say we retired that joke...

I bet y'all are wondering if the guys ever got me?.. OH YEAH!.. There is one time that stands out in my mind like it happened yesterday.......

We were all three at the Deer Camp. Now we were in our early 30's at this time.. Seems like we should have learned our lesson years ago... I haven't been to that camp in years but it was the place of many memories for me... We use to go there most every weekend even in the off season.. Y'all know, for fun and fellowship, things like that. Didn't matter to us that there was a Strip Club just a few miles down the road.. NOPE! NOT ONE BIT!....lol (Shhhh, Y'all hush, my wife might read this.)

About a month earlier we had all been fishing on the river.. We caught a small gator about 3 feet long. We took said Gator and put it over in the cooler with the Beer. Well Ole Bruce came about as close to having a Heart attack that day as I think a man can come without actually having one?.. He was PISSED. Can ya blame him? All the poor fella wanted was a cold one.. But instead he got a little nip on the hand by a Gator... He swore then and there to take us all down someday.

All these years I have said that Ole Bruce was allot smarter than we had given him credit for. I think he would just play dumb to keep us confused.. He is a Nurse Practitioner In Texas now days isn't that almost being a Doctor? I really don't think a dumb person could hold that job?

Anyway, we were all at the Deer Camp and had been dabbling in the mixed beverages the night before.. OK. We was drunk as skunks. I don't remember when I went to sleep the night before but I'll never forget waking up the next day..............

 

"Psst!...Psst!....Hey Bruce?....Psst!"........WTF YOU WANT?...."Man there's something in this sleeping bag with me?"... WHAT?..."Ummmmmm? I think it's a SNAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"... DON'T MOVE MAN!.. DON'T MOVE!

Now I had read before about snakes crawling into peoples sleeping bags at night before in order to keep warm or something?. But to date, I didn't know a soul that this had happened to.

Now at this moment I was still half asleep so I kinda reached down between my legs... "OMG! HELPPPPPPPPPPP!" Curled up between my legs was an extremely Large Snake.. Didn't know at the time what kind it was But I definitely knew it was there. Folks, I will not lie. I was scared to the point where I wanted to cry.. Bruce and the other guys was all trying to keep a strait face.. I didn't even notice this at the time because all I thought about was that snakes present location and what if he bites me? I'm pretty sure I may need whats down there in the near future?

They was telling me to just crawl outta the bag real slow......NOPE!...WHAT IF I WAKE HIM UP?

I think at this point I was Begging them to get this thing out of there. They was saying That I was on my own because they didn't want to risk getting bitten.... I slowly started to unzip my sleeping bag.... THEN IT MOVED!....OMG!... THE DAMN THING JUST MOVED!......HELPPPPPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I think at this point they could have just shot the thing.. I would just have to take my chances.. I would much rather die from a gunshot wound than a snake bite to the penis....SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP MEEEEEE!

At this point I swear my life was flashing before my very eyes. I honestly don't think I have ever been more afraid in my life. Then, My Buddy Bruce... Good Ole Bruce. Said he would help me... He came over and slowly moved the top of my sleeping bag aside.. "MAN IT'S HUGE!" I'm talking about the snake people...NO! The other snake!...geeze.........Thank God! It's still asleep.... Bruce got a big stick and told me to roll outta the way real fast and he would whoop it good... (YEP! Still talking about the snake.)

I nixed this idea really fast.." What if you miss?" Better yet, "What if that snakes hungry?"

By now this had all been going on for a good 30 minutes.. The other guys just couldn't hold it in any longer... They started laughing really hard...At that moment I still didn't see any humor in my situation?.. That is until Bruce walked over picked up that snake and gave it a little peck on top of the head.........

Folks, That snake had been dead since the previous afternoon.. BRUCE GOT ME!~ HE GOT ME GOOD!

I really didn't know if I should be proud or weather I should come up swinging?.. I was just happy as could be to find out that the family jewels were not ever in any real danger.

A few days later when I started speaking to him again, Bruce told me how he had planed the whole thing... He said he had killed the snake while walking back from the river the day before... He had kept it hidden from us the whole time.... After I went to sleep the night before, he waited until I was snoring good and loud.. Him and the other guys warmed the snake up by the fire, curled it up between my legs in the sleeping bag with me. The rest is History......And I never slept on the ground out by the fire again........

Y'ALL WEAR YA SMILES...kuntry.....