Ain't That Just Erotic?

Redneck Erotica

HOWDY FOLKS,

Couldn't sleep last night so I was surfing around Cyborg land. Have y'all ever noticed how many pages folks have on here solely dedicated to Erotic Stories? Now I can't lie, some of them would leave ya laughing out loud at their plain Ole Stupidness. Kinda like getting the Ewe but without the AAH. Some would leave ya sweating and heading for a cold shower. Some were just Gross. I saw fellas dressed like Girls and Girls dressed like fellas? Now some things I just don't understand and guess I never will but it's a free country so whatever creams your Twinkie is your business.

I had a friend ask me once if I thought I could write one of them Erotic Stories? Now y'all know us Rednecks will try anything once. So I did! Once I Kuntry, teller of Tales, wrote an Erotic Story. And I promise No Farm Animals were harmed in any way while doing so. I have posted this before so I revisited it a wee bit so now ya have to suffer through it one more time.. AIN'T LIFE GRAND?

KUNTRY EROTICA

Once upon a time many moons ago, a few of us had gathered down by the creek.

It was a cold Summers night. Budweiser was flowing like a Mountain Spring. The smell of Love was in the air."

Could have been fish? I ain't sure". Riding nude on her gleaming white horse was the woman of my dreams."OK. Was really just a 4-wheeler, and she was just flashing her boobies at the old guys but a man can dream can't he?" Our eyes met in a drunken gaze. "right after our heads collided because that B***h was after the last beer" I gently reached up and wiped the blood from her forehead."One of us had a really hard head". Then she smiled at me.... I melted...Yes that beautiful Green tooth smile that only a True Southerner could understand. Her 12 Golden teeth sparkled in the moons rays. Her breath, OMG! Her Breath smelled like only the choicest tobacco. Her perfume was the scent of 30 weight motor oil."HUBBA HUBBA"

Yes this woman was a vision of loveliness, a Redneck Goddess. I knew we didn't have long before my buzz wore off so I had to act fast. I took her blistery hand in mine and lead her around to the Hood of my truck. Our lips met in a wondrous kiss. Her cold chapped lips were Heaven to touch. The scent of racing fuel filled my nostrils.."

THANK YOU JESUS!" I slowly lifted her onto the hood. Making damn sure to place her in the butt imprint that was already there."No new dents" Frozen in time in a passionate embrace."More like a beer hug" I kissed her softly on the neck. Our passion soon took us to the next level. I started working my way south. I paused just a moment to lightly kiss her chin. I paused again at the next chin, and the next. Her breathing had become these little raspy moans. Then she quietly whispered in my ear"OUCH! GET YOUR KNEE OUTTA MY DAMN CROTCH!". So I did. She was happy now once more. Our hands explored every inch of each others bodies."Well I did, I think she was just reaching for another beer?" She was teasing me with her bumpy tongue using only a Long Neck Beer Bottle as her prop. She slowly poured some between her breast. Begging me to lick it off. I watched as that Golden Nectar slowly drained between her Bosom. Like a polluted Mountain spring it would turn brown then disappear into her Hairy Belly Button forever. I think I'm about to explode."D****T WOMAN! You done poured beer all over my truck?". So I swiftly reached down and tore away her panties."I had to dry my truck". I'll never forget those pretty frilly red laced panties. "How they scratched the hell out of my beautiful 4 wheel drive". I made myself a promise then and there. No matter how much of a pinch I found myself in? Never to use panties again."Y'all know an old tee shirt works just fine Don't cha?"

I better end this story here in fear that Yahoo may shut me down.. I'll never forget this night, those little red bumps, left above my lip by her mustache. Like the Prince with the slipper I comb the Walmart daily in hopes that someday My Redneck Goddess will return...........

Wear ya Smiles today............KUNTRY

Reviews

[Leticia Bailey]

Hilarious! This is exactly the comic relief I needed after just reading through a lot of disturbing "erotic" stories. The guilty shall remain nameless ; ) Kuntry, you had me at: "Riding nude on her gleaming white horse was the woman of my dreams. OK. Was really just a 4-wheeler, and she was just flashing her boobies at the old guys but a man can dream can't he?"
Humerotica is so under-rated. Keep the dream alive!