NOPE! TAZ A'INT DEAD

things that go bump in the night.

Ole Kuntry doesn't Hunt anymore...... SHOCKED?

Well I use to. Yep I lived in the woods. But I raised a deer from birth to about two years old, and that just made it to hard to shoot um anymore.....

Well this one time(at band camp) Sorry couldn't help it... This one time I was hunting. I got out to my deer stand about 3:00 pm.(won't mention the part about the case of beer we had drank the night before and all through the next day.)(Let's just say, um. I wasn't walking normal.)

This day was rather warm for hunting purposes. Probably about 70 or 80 degrees. So I didn't bring much warm things to wear. I climbed my old azz up into my tree. By then I was sweating like an alcoholic at a church social........OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY! The birds is chirping, nice breeze blowing... Hey??????? Where did SHE come from???? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM? THEN IT HAPPENED!

BAM! The ground woke me up.. Not the 14 limbs I broke on the way down.... THE GROUND!!WHO THE HELL! PUT THIS THORN BUSH HERE? ouch ouch ouch ouch!

Well lucky for me I wasn't hurt........My pride was a little bruised and other than the fact that my forehead was bleeding like a stuck pig, I was OK.(Yes folks I TO have worn a crown of thorns) but not on purpose........

HEY!!!!! Where did the sun go? Why is it dark?? DAMN! It's getting kinda cold out here!I looked at my watch and discovered it was now around 8:00pm.(Well at least the Lord let me get a good nap in before he PUSHED me out of the tree...... GEEZE!)

Now of course I reached for my flashlight and it was nowhere to be found.

Must have fell out of my pocket on the way down...Now I don't know if you have ever been out in the woods after dark.(Well, I'm sure some of ya have. But that would be a whole nother blog.wink wink). Turns out you can't see your hand in front of your face.......and on top of that it was cloudy and starting to drizzle alittle. So there was no moon or stars..... DAMN! I DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHERE CAMP IS!!!No if I just sit here I'm sure someone will miss me and come looking??????????After about an hour I was shaking so bad from the cold I started to get a little worried..... I bet them guys is drunk by now.........Besides I'm not in my normal spot today.....I don't think they are coming????? Now folks I was scared! I'm not going to lie and say I was Mr Macho Man... I WAS AFRAID!!! VERY AFRAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When your out in the woods by yourself with no light in the rain freezing your a*s off, You would be surprised at all the funny little things that pop into your head..... I just kept telling myself... I HAVE A GUN!!!!!!!!!!!! MESS WITH ME BOOGIE BEARS!!!!!!!!!

So I decided that if I didn't want to freeze to death I might as well start walking.... HAVE YA EVER TRIED TO WALK THROUGH THE WOODS AT NIGHT WITHOUT A LIGHT??????? I swear to God trees move.......Because I kept running into them.....You find every hole in the ground that there is. I kept stepping in um! and tripping. finally got plum amusing. I would hit a tree fall down and start laughing.... I would step in a hole fall down and start laughing.... Well, You get the picture........

Finally after what seemed like forever.I made it to an opening.. I looked at my watch and it was around 11 at night....And I had an idea where I was.....GEEZE!!! Only took me 2 hours to make it about 100 yards....

Well at least I'm on this old logging road now and I know that camp is only a couple miles that way??? Well Folks at night..... THAT WAY LOOKS LIKE THIS WAY!!!!!So this was truly becoming one of those eany meany miny mo situations.... Well I eany meany miny mo'd it and decided which way to go.... After walking about a mile I realized I may have MEANIED WHEN I SHOULD HAVE MO'D, so I turned around and started back the other way.........Then I saw it..................WTF is that?????

OMG!!!!!! IT'S THE TASMANIAN DEVIL!!! That sob fixing to EAT ME UP!!!!!!!! I dropped to one knee and lowered my gun......HEY!!!!!!Nothing... HEY YOU!!!!!!!! still nothing. YA BETTER TELL ME WHO YOU ARE????I HAVE A GUN AND I WILL SHOOT YOUR A*S!!! nothing.. By this time I swear I could see that things teeth snarling at me.....I could hear it growling at me......IT WAS GONNA GET MY A*S!!!!!!!! BOOM!!!!!!!!!BOOM!!!!!!! One more for good measure BOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I know I hit it?????? Why ain't it moving??????? Maybe I just dropped it in it's tracks???????? OH LORD........I STILL GOTTA WALK PAST IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GEEZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!SO I inched my way forward, gun at the ready......RAMBO would have been proud!! Then I was there... My demon was upon me........Yes sir folks I had just murdered the biggest pine stump I had ever saw.........Damn stump won't be scarring nobody else, I made sure of it.......(WELL, AT LEAST I HIT IT THREE TIMES IN THE DARK... lol). Well I walk for what seemed like another mile.. Then I saw ANGELS! They was carrying flashlights... YEP three of um..........It turned out to be Game Wardens.. They had heard the gun shots and thought maybe someone was spotlighting and came to investigate... Man was I happy......Well I told them my story and you could tell each one of um wanted to bust out laughing...but I'm so glad they didn't. Because the way I was feeling at the time, I just may be in prison right now for MURDER!!!!!Well to make a long story short.. They got me back to camp.. My buddies all got a good kick outa what happened.(ONCE I WOKE UM ALL UP!). I packed up and swung by the E.R.(got 9 stitches in my head). Went by and picked up my STUPID AWARD!!(for not just shooting my gun in the air in the first place.) but that would have been admitting I really was lost.

So in keeping with the theme of this blog(Y'ALL REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS DON'T CHA??) Wasn't this story something?

But in reality! AW SHUCKS!!!!!!!! IT WAS NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!

Y'ALL HAVE AN AWESOME DAY, AND DON'T FORGET TO SMILE! Somebody just might be watching. I'm outa here........