Duck Duck Bruce

Me and Ole Bruce doing what we do best

 

DUCK, DUCK, BRUCE

 

 

 

HOWDY FOLKS,

One hot summer day long ago. Me and my partner in crime Bruce, had this sudden desire to go fishing....

Only problem, was we didn't have a way to get to Grandpas so our fishing hole choices were limited...... There was a small lake a few miles from my house that we had always wanted to fish, but the owners always said no..

So we did what any normal 14 year old would do... We snuck in and went anyway............

After we had fished a while. We wasn't having much luck.. Ole Bruce decided that he was going to try to catch a duck..(DON'T ASK! ONLY BRUCE KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING IN THAT HEAD OF HIS)

On the other side of the lake there were probably around 20 ducks... I watched as Bruce slowly stalked his prey....Now Bruce got fairly close to those ducks but they were allot smarter than him I suppose. Because he would get to within a few feet of them then they would run away....Now this was really a sight to see folks.. Bruce would flap his arms and make a duck sound.. I think he was trying to disguise himself as a duck..I watched him take off his shirt to try and use as a net..(NOPE! DIDN'T WORK EITHER). After a while he got kinda mad and just started throwing rocks at them.....

Apparently the ducks didn't take kindly to being pounded by stones... They must have called for re-enforcements because outta nowhere it appeared....... This thing was a monster... I think it came strait from the gates of hell. The way Bruce was running you would think it was breathing fire........This monster would run up behind Bruce and bite him square on the a*s. And that God awful sound......HONK....HONKKKKKKK....HONKKKKKKKKKK.

By now I was rolling on the ground laughing...Ya'll know? That kinda laugh that almost makes ya wet your tighty whiteys?. When ya laugh so hard it starts to hurt?... I watched that thing attack Ole Bruce for a good 15 minutes.... It would come up behind him when he tried to run and jump up flapping it's wings and just biting him wherever it could . Bruce would turn around and punch at it like he was George Foreman.. But he missed most of the time, this made it even more funny... All ya heard was this...

HOOOOONK......HONKKKKK.....ouch!.....HONKKKKKK......ouch!......

HONKKKKKKK.........HELPPPPPPPPP MEEEEEEE!

Now Bruce was a big Ole clumsy fella. He couldn't run very far without falling down... When this happened that goose would try to move in for the kill... Bruce was laying on his back kicking at it with both feet....Finally I reckon he had, had enough because Bruce just dove strait into the lake.. Now the spot he had chosen for his swim was over by the dam so it was pretty deep... That goose was still on the bank just a honking away at Ole Bruce.. I screamed for Bruce to just swim across the lake......Only problem was, when Bruce turned around to do this. There was a big Ole water snake out there swimming with him......Now one thing I do know about Bruce? He didn't like spiders nor snakes......You could see the confusion in his eyes... What to do next??????Bruce is out in this lake treading water. The goose is kinda taunting him....Now I don't speak Goose. But if I had to guess? That big Ole demon goose was saying.."COME ON BOY! COME GET YA SOME!" While the water snake was probably saying?"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSWIM!"... Bruce chose to take this fight back to dry land...(WAIT YA'LL... IT GETS BETTER)..

I watched as Bruce took off up that levee like a bat outta hell.. That demon goose was hot on his trail...... It was honking.....Bruce was screaming that he was gonna dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Bruce tripped and the goose saw his chance.... He pounced on Bruce with a vengence...

Bruce had this old hat that he always wore fishing...For some reason known only to him, he would stick a few hooks and some fishing lures on the brim of that hat....Somehow during this round That hat became attached to that Demon goose....

Next thing I see is the goose running from Bruce.. Yep. The tides had turned... That goose was able to stay just a few steps ahead of Bruce.. The goose was honking, Bruce was cussing...(GIVE ME BACK MY HAT YOU G. D. GOOSE!)

I reckon all that honking and screaming could be heard from far off? Because about this time was when the owner of that lake showed up..

He was trying to act like he was really mad? But you could tell after hearing our story it was all he could do not to laugh.. He did tell us that if he ever caught us out there without permission again he would call the law or even worst.. OUR DADS... So we promised to ask next time.... Folks, I really think we had just met the GOOSE WHISPERER that day, because he just walked over to the other side of the lake... Threw some feed out on the ground, walked strait up to that Demon Goose, and got Bruce's hat back.... We left never to return again..

Y'all Have a Wonderful Day and WEAR YA SMILES!..kuntry

 

Reviews

[Chelsea Schermerhorn]

The humor in this piece is as amazing as the imagery. Thank you again for entering my contest, and congratulations.

[Chelsea Schermerhorn]

I really like this. The imagery is amazing, like it really is coming from a 14 year old boy. A lot like Mark Twain, almost, but I would suggest using a little more colloquialism (dialect) and better punctuation. The elipses work in some of the places you use them, but some complete punctuation would really enhance the piece. As much as the story is told from a 14 year old point of view, the long run-on sentence doesn't really have as big of an effect. Thank you for submitting this, you have made it into my first cut of finalists for the Imagery contest.

[Sara Muschweck]

Your ease at telling a story is amazing, you must have laughed yourself silly while you were writing this, I know because I laughed so hard my family was giving me "the look" you know that one, "Mom has lost it again"... thanks for the laugh.