Kuntry Challenge

It's a wonder we are still breathing.

Me and Bruce would argue constantly.Usually over something totally lame. That's what best friends do.....Right? I think we almost came to blows once over who's fart was the most offensive.. When you are around someone pretty much daily . Ya kinda start getting on each others nerves a wee bit. I think we were around 11 years old ,I had known my Buddy Bruce for going on 6 years . I think we had already had most of the normal childhood arguments. Y'all Know? My Dad can beat up your Dad ,and the classic.. ummmmm. Mines Bigger argument?.. Things of that nature..

Well this one summer Bruce had him a growing spurt.. He was a whole head taller than me . We were having an argument over just which one of us was the toughest? We had been watching Super Stars. A T V show where Athletes from different type sports, would compete to see who was the toughest.

They would race Bicycles,Jump over things,run foot races, things of that nature. Bruce and I decided to settle our argument Once and For All!

So we put our heads together that hot summer day.. This is the result ........................

FIRST CHALLENGE: WE WOULD RACE OUR SKATEBOARDS DOWN PORK CHOP HILL! Pork chop Hill was a big a*s hill in our neighborhood. It was about a quarter mile of strait a*s down blacktop. No one had ever ridden to the bottom of Pork chop successfully. I made it three quarters of the way once in a home made go cart, before wiping out due to a faulty wheel....wink. Making it to the bottom on a skate board was pretty much just not gonna happen.

Bruce and I checked our outer layer of safety equipment. BAND-AID ON SCRATCHED ELBOW?........CHECK!.. Ya see we didn't wear all that wimpy padding that they wear today.. Our skin protected us just fine. We both decided that since it was a whole lot closer to the ground. That we would run this race from the sitting position. SEE Y'ALL AT THE BOTTOM!

READY?............SET..........GO!..............

We made it halfway before plowing into each other. When we both stopped our g-force enhanced cart-wheels to the bottom. I was a few feet ahead of Bruce..After checking to make certain all our fingers and toes were in the proper locations. And thanking God for only taking patches of skin and leaving us enough to not frighten Mom so much. Since we both crashed at the same time. We agreed to just call this one a draw..Even though by all rights? I was ahead when all forward motion stopped...We just left it at that.

SECOND CHALLENGE: WE WOULD RAMP OUR BICYCLES OFF THE HIGH BANK AT THE SWIMMING HOLE! We had a creek a few miles from home. Actually it was more of a man made ditch,but it did have a pretty good spot for swimming. The irony of it all was this spot was right beside the local community swimming pool. Who cares if the water is a little murky and brown? So what if we had to kill the occasional snake? It was free!..nuff said!

The bank of the Cane Creek was about 15 feet above the water. The size of our swimming hole was probably the same as the largest pool ya can buy at your local WalMart. As for how deep it was?.. No one knows.. No one was ever able to reach the bottom. We had lost a bicycle or two in that thing so this time we weren't taking chances. We had brought along a couple of ski ropes. We tied one end to the seat of our bicycles and attached the other end to a tree. That way we could just pull our bikes up after the jump.

We decided that whoever jumped out the farthest would be the winner. Now I had always been a little faster on a bicycle than Ole Bruce. So I just knew this one was in the bag?

READY?.........SET.............GO!

I jumped out to an early lead. But we were on grass,he had better tires,We reached the bank at the same time. Nothing now between us but air and the murky water.

Then! Like a parachute opening at full force, our bicycles were snatched out from under us. Seems that in our haste we didn't take in to consideration the length of rope one would need to complete such a challenge. The bright side to this is? We made a Helluva splash. And our bicycles didn't even get wet.....DAMN!...Yet another draw!

We were just laying around in the sun now drying our tired young bones. Trying desperately to come up with something that would settle this nagging rift between us. Once and for all.

Our trip down Pork chop Hill had already proved that we were not afraid of death. Our death defying leap into the Murky waters of Cane Creek Had already proved that?..Ummmmmmm? We were not afraid of Death.

So our next challenge had to be the deciding factor. Then, strait from the Redneck Gods above, it came to me.

"Hey Y'all I've Got It!".........Listen up!

THIRD AND FINAL CHALLENGE: WE WOULD HOLD OUR ARMS IN AN ANT HILL. Now I really don't think explaining is in order on this one? The rules were simple,Me and Bruce was to lay our arms on top of a Fire Ant Bed. First one to move had to declare the other the TOUGHEST KID ON THE BLOCK.

READY?......SET........GO!

THIS AIN'T TO BAD BRUCE IS IT?......nope.......REAKON WE SHOULD STIR UM UP JUST A BIT?.........ummmmm..Yup!............OOOOUCH! THEY BITING GOOD NOW AIN'T THEY BRUCE?.........Yup!........YA WANNA STOP?..............Nope!.........DAMN!

By now them ants was all over. I tried but I just couldn't take it anymore. I jumped up and was swatting and rolling on the ground trying to get those Fiery B******s off me. We both ended up jumping into the water to get them off us.. Hours later you would still get a random bite in places you had forgotten were even on your body. Ole Bruce was itching so bad by now that he didn't even get to enjoy his new Title of the Toughest kid on the block.. Instead he got to explain to his Mom what all the little red whelps was and the reason his face was so swollen.. He did all this on the way to the E R.. Turns out that Ole Bruce couldn't handle his Fire Ants.. Yep! Something about being allergic....Now I really don't know what Bruce's Mom said to my Mom on the phone later that night? Because after a few well placed strokes with Dads Big Black Belt. I really didn't want her to re-live that conversation over in her head EVER AGAIN.

Now I got to thinking? Old Bruce is at the Hospital getting medication and all kinds of pampering from Pretty Nurses Right?. Me on the other hand Had to go a few rounds with Mom and that Belt, Right?.. Don't that kinda make me the winner by default?..... Y'all think about that!

Reviews

[Sara Muschweck]

I laughed the entire time... I can remember doing the same with my bikes and something we called the "Pot Hole" ... you were the lucky one if your bike made it out. I loved the way you tell the story, like you are re-telling it for friends, or family. You make the reader feel comfortable and invited into your world. Wonderful, fun, and just all around 'KNEE SLAPPIN' !"