Tequila Never Helps

Not a very best of days for me, Krishna Prasad, a bright chap from Google, California: breaking up with my girlfriend, Ria, as well as resigning from my job the very same day. I was coming back to my flat after a heart-biting breakup call.

On the way, I decided to spend some minutes in a bar. I chucked some five tequila shots in ten minutes. I didn’t want to cry in my bed after the breakup sober. Moreover, the shots seemed fine on that winter evening. And as (un)scheduled, I left within 15 minutes. I hadn’t taken tequila in such a quantity ever before and hence decided to reach my flat as soon as possible, lock my door and lie down. I tried to sleep. I wasn’t able to. I decided to take my dog Snuffy, a five months old brown Labrador, for a small walk.

On the way, I noticed something unusual. There were some people covered in red paints which I could have sworn to be blood if I wasn’t drunk. They were weirdly trying to put that red paint on one other using their faces. And again, I could have sworn that I saw them eating each other, if I wasn’t drunk! And the weird part was: they were crying but still playing that insane sport. I tried to ask one of them if they were doing okay. One of the guys pushed me hard. I couldn’t control myself standing. I realized tequila must have started doing its work. I decided not turn back to that violent guy and to go towards my flat straightaway. My girlfriend (ex-girlfriend actually) was waiting for me outside.

I tried to control my drunk-expressions and asked Ria, “You can’t live without me, can you?”
She laughed. She gave me a big box and said, “These are all the stuff that belonged to you. I didn’t want to have a single memory reminding me of you. So, please take it back.”
I saw the box. Some cards, gifted-clothes and a wrist watch. Fair enough! I accepted the box maturely and said “Thank you Ria. I am content about the fact you are handling it all pretty maturely. Good Bye!” We shook hands. She left.

The morning after, I had a little hangover. I was having some strange craving for meat. This was new to me because I hadn’t had meat for like three years now. I decided to buy some meat from a nearby WallMartstore. I couldn’t control my craving to the extent that I wanted to eat the meat on the way. What level of insane weirdness was this feeling! I ate it as soon as I entered my flat. I ate it raw. There was something wrong. The crave was still alive. Even after eating some half kilogram of raw meat. What was happening to me? I didn’t want to think in this direction at all but I remembered seeing something like this in many English movies. But those were movies. This is freaking real!

I went out. Ran actually! I had a bio-chemistry expert friend Sagar who had his lab nearby. I was very much thankful to God he was in the lab. And I knew he could help me. The guy used to speak about DNA, blood samples, some stupid mutant transfusions (yes, like x-men). He was a genius. I controlled my emotions and honestly told him about this weird crave for meat. Surprisingly, he wasn’t shocked to hear it. He put on his gloves, calmly took a blood sample from my arm and tested it for like half an hour. And then he came out. Oh My God! I had something weird. He was looking very excited and happy to find it in me. And then I had a conversation I never thought I would have in my life.

“Dude, stop making your geek-face and tell me one thing. Am I becoming a zombie?”

Sagar laughed and said, “This is going to sound insane but please calm your mind and listen to everything I am gonna say next. Do not freak out! I received a warning mail from the NIBTDA (don’t worry, he meant National Institute of Bio-Technical Development Association) last week. They warned me about a virus.” 
“WHAT THE F**K!” I shouted. “I was right then! I was becoming a zombie. Oh wait, you asked me not to freak out! How can you expect me not to! Sagar, please tell me you are kidding. Please, tell mmmeeeee…….”

“Will you shut the f**k up and listen to me?” He stopped me while I was freaking out and blabbering. He said, “I talked to one of them a day before too and they said they knew a lot about this virus.” I was quite. I didn’t have anything to say. He continued, “This virus is called Rougroan and it increases a normal meat-appetite of the host to some hundred fold within some days. The host has no option but to eat whatever he sees. And when he cannot control it, within four to five days of infection, he wants to go for the live hunt. The live and walking flesh around him: humans! Haven’t you seen any drunken people eating each other out behind your street?” I wanted to say yes but didn’t have any guts to even nod out of fear.

He continued. “You have? It’s them. The virus spreads on a physical touch and is spreading widely and we do not have a cure yet. The situation was put forward to the President. He has suggested controlling the situation by putting all the infected people in some rehab cells until a cure is available. He is going to pass the bill which may take effect immediately. All this must be in the national news already.” He was done with his speech.

It was a lot for me to fathom in a five minutes. I had some virus called Rougroan. I am gonna become a zombie. Police are gonna put me into some rehab cells if they know I am infected. Damn those infected people who touched me last night. Damn my dog Snuffy who I took walk to! I am gonna die. I left for my flat. I was still controlling my hunger.

I locked myself in my room; lost in retrospections. Lost in what went wrong. What was my purpose of living? Did I do anything good? I had a sweet girlfriend who I broke up with last night. I met her last night! I touched her last night! Oh My God! I said “Good Bye!” to her and shook hands with her last night! I INFECTED HER LAST NIGHT!

I called her immediately. She picked up after three calls. Damn her attitude right now! I had to tell her.

She said, “I am trying to forget you Krishna. Please stop calling me.”

I started talking and I didn’t stop after that. She didn’t say a single word. She knew I was right. She didn’t have a doubt. She may have seen it in the news. She must have eaten a cat or two. “Now what?” She disconnected. I wasn’t really interested in explaining her things. I was hungry. I made a salami sandwich with four layers of meat and ate it normally like normal humans do.

Trying to divert my mind from insane hunger, I switched on my TV. I had turned on a news channel after quite a few months. The virus was everywhere. Every damn city in the California and it was even witnessed in some cities of Nevada. Then I saw some breaking news. I didn’t know if it was good news or a bad one. The President had ordered all those infected folk to start getting admitted to those cells. They had arranged some 50,000 cells in the California so far. I decided to join myself right-away. It’s way better than becoming a monster. But I would go there in the morning. I could control my hunger for one last night.

While I was lying in my bed and trying to think over the situation, I saw Snuffy behaving strange too. He was eating a rat. Also some unusual continuous barking was there since the morning. Then I devised thatRougroan didn’t only infect humans. What a nerd am I! Still thinking logics. Albeit, I decided leave my dog outside since I didn’t want any last night violence with my pet. When I went near him, he tried to bite me. I had to control his mouth. I took a piece of cloth and wrapped around his mouth. Used the leash rope and tied it to his neck after a long time. Dragged him outside the home, unwrapped the cloth which I had tied on his mouth and finally said “Good Bye!” He went away crazy barking. The feeling was sad. He went near a tree where there was another dog. Wait! It was a b***h. Snuffy was barking and still I could see that the b***h wasn’t afraid of him. One minute, it was all noisy with Snuffy barking, another minute, it was all silent. They were having sex. I saw him being happy for the last time. He was silent after that. He seemed fine. I smiled. I smiled a little more. I laughed. I stopped. My scientist mind started running again. Does sex help in controlling the urges increased by the virus? I just saw a proof. I had to tell this to my girlfriend. May be she too wanted to have it. We had never had it ever! But maybe, she too wanted to have it for the first and last time. Not only her last time with me but also may be her last time ever. We were all gonna die. I called her. She picked up my very first call. I tried to articulate everything pretty well and she seemed fine with it. I couldn’t believe it. We had never had it ever!

While she was on her way and me waiting for her in my flat, some weird thought again crossed my mind. I was wondering about how life changed in a day. I was happy enjoying my job at Google. I had girlfriend. All was fine. I started thinking a little aloud. “Is this all real? Can any of it happen? How can it be? I don’t even have a dog.” I tried pinching myself.

Yes! And Sorry! It was a dream. I had drunk 5 tequila shots to have a sound sleep. Apparently, they didn’t help. But I am not sad about it. I am happy. It makes sense. Everything makes sense. I have had one of the weirdest dreams one can have in a century. Though I wish my dream had some happy ending, I am more than satisfied all of it wasn’t true. What was true? I resigned from my job yesterday. Not only that, I broke up with Ria last night. I have a future to plan. Some jobs to find. These could wait though. Let me get my laptop. Dreams are volatile, I better write them down.