WAITING FOR ECHO'S RESOLUTION (Collab with APRIL)

08 24 14

Premonition agitated
by a culmination of Siamese effects
somehow immune to illegitimate causes
Predilection for a slumber to forget
the din of waking's undisputed knowledge
overruled by reality's judge in his
existential monotone sound booth
playing redundant, rejected residuals
of yesterday's woes willfully wronged
waiting for echo's resolution
in a crestfallen comfort cocoon
stitched with fate's cheapened conscience
hanging by a thread of silent lucidity
Broken legs hobble laps of luxury
and send despondent walks to the corner
for a temperamental reset
A mental epithet relayed by obviation's
extrasensory transponder unwittingly
igniting wishful thinking
stealth as a motorized Orca
painfully pushing possession
past the point of no returns
yet marbles of melancholy meander
where the green grass of generalization grows
sprouting springs of sensibility and sapience
threatening telepathic telemetry
with their malignant callousness

Author's Note

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

There is no stitching in this flowing verse full of such powerful alliteration. It is a rage of a piece that has the feel of someone stuck in depression and feeling sorry for themselves:
'overruled by reality's judge in his
existential monotone sound booth
playing redundant, rejected residuals
of yesterday's woes willfully wronged'

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you John... I think it is funny that you quoted two of his and two of mine.. we wrote this literally in minutes and no editing, so I am tickled with how it came out.. was spontaneous just spur of the moment, feeding off each other... As always, I appreciate your kind, thoughtful, insightful reviews..

[kublakhan27]

So glad you enjoyed it John...not much I can say, April has summed it up perfectly...many thanks.

[Jack Wolfe]

A great collaboration between two great writers. I admit I haven't read much of your work, but what I have, I've enjoyed. I imagine the alliteration would be April's contribution, it seems to be an addiction she handles very well. Nice work.

[kublakhan27]

So glad you enjoyed it Jack, thank you...April's lines are the only ones that have been cited by every single reviewer so far so it kind of feels like her poem on my profile at this point haha That's fine though, she deserves the recognition, and I'm happy for her.

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you Doc.. he is an amazing writer and it was an honor to work with him... hey hey hey Steve!!! if I wasn't following your lead, I would never have come up with those lines.. you are an awesome partner in crime and inspiration.. you pushed me to think outside the box.. if it wasn't for you, this would never have happened.. so shush with that nonsense!!!!

[kublakhan27]

Haha Consider me shushed my friend...I'm happy that I could inspire you April...as I've said, these are some of the best lines you've ever written :)

[Eve Ola]

painfully pushing possession
past the point of no returns
yet marbles of melancholy meander
where the green grass of generalization grows,...
Striking thoughts comes with outstanding poem. Well done

[kublakhan27]

So glad you enjoyed it Eve, thank you :)

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you ma'am...

[s y e]

You guys, this is a great collaboration, you've both merged your pens and really wrote an outstanding piece filled with everything a collab needs. Well done.

[kublakhan27]

So glad you enjoyed it Noodlebop...it wouldn't have happened without April, she wrote most of the lines and I just pitched in here and there haha

[AprilRN1210]

Steve I am gonna beat you with my pen if you don't shush!!! It was equal effort on both parts and you were awesome.. you hear me????
and hey girl! I am so glad you liked it... thank you!!

[TL Boehm]

love the alliteration and formidable word play in this. Well done
yet marbles of melancholy meander
where the green grass of generalization grows
I think that is my favorite line.

[kublakhan27]

So glad you enjoyed it TL...all credit goes to April for those lines and the alliterations :)

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you so much! I am glad you enjoyed it.. it was so much fun writing this with him!!

[Ashira Macy]

Yay! Alliteration frenzy! You both have such different styles that is is hard for me to fathom how you put this together so perfectly.

existential monotone sound booth
playing redundant, rejected residuals
of yesterday's woes willfully wronged
waiting for echo's resolution
in a crestfallen comfort cocoon

I usually try to pick only a few lines as my favorites, but I found that I could not leave any of these without the next, which of course means that you really did a great job of weaving the lines into on another.

[kublakhan27]

haha I think we were both intrigued by the challenge of putting our two differing styles together...that's the first thing a lot of people noticed, which is what I think we were going for ;) All credit must go to April for the alliteration...I can pull it off sometimes, but she really has a knack for it...it's also her lines that you've cited here, which I have no problem in pointing out...she really drove the bus on this one, but I'm glad you enjoyed our collaborative effort...we had a blast doing it, and it was done with no editing to boot...so glad you enjoyed it my friend :)

[Ashira Macy]

Aw foo, I always try to pick out at least a few of each person's lines. Still, it cam together very well and was a wonderful read.

[AprilRN1210]

I am tickled you enjoyed this ma'am... and Steve has said it all really... thank you to you both, it was a blast doing this with him...

[Lyn Anderson]

I think I am hooked on the motorized orca. Such a striking image.

[kublakhan27]

Thank you KL, glad you enjoyed our collab.

[AprilRN1210]

Thanks girl..

[jacob erin-cilberto]

quite the alliterative gem here...voices blending like the assonance and consonance heard in the words.

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much Jacob, April is the master of alliteration ;)

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you for such a sweet review, Jacob.. you know it is a weakness of mine... can't help it... I am so glad that you enjoyed this one..

[MsJewel]

A seamless collaboration with an amazing flow. Love the word choice! I couldn't even begin to give you my favorite lines - they are all truly brilliant. Exceptional writing from two amazing poets. Bravo!

:) Julie

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much my friend, your kind words mean the world to both of us :)

[AprilRN1210]

It is nice to see you ma'am... I hope you are well.. Thank you for such a lovely review.. your visits always brighten the page:)
I am tickled you enjoyed this collab, it was fun..

[Blake Fodor]

What an interesting and uniquely written piece.

[AprilRN1210]

Well Hi there! I am tickled you enjoyed our first collaboration together.. Was an interesting challenge for sure.. I appreciate your time and thoughts, thank you.. :)

[kublakhan27]

Thank you Blake, so glad you enjoyed our piece.

[Jennie Baron]

Hmm, I don't know what more I can add to what the other reviewers have said. I agree this has a silky-smooth flow to it and astonishingly lovely wording, but I'd expect nothing less. It prompted a lot of thought on my part about the nature of reality. I'm certainly privileged to read it, and thanks for the RR.

[AprilRN1210]

good morning to you! Thank you for the lovely review. I am glad that you enjoyed ma'am.. :)

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much Jennie, your kind words mean the world to both of us...I'm happy that our words were able to resonate so deeply with you.