My waking is a walk into a destitute daydream blindfolded by the sun's embroidery of Scarlett redundancy Another day of self-fulfilling fiction siphoned through decisive shutters swallowing deflated social bait with arid straws of filtered daylight mocking optimistic fabrications of a rippled audience with the benign transcendent therapy of your angelic quintessence A woman lurks in your impression of a knighting manifestation on my shoulders sulking under solitude's weight yet the sword of your anointing revelation isn't flat and flush with the descending contours of my collarbones On my shoulders I collect the clammy pools of blood culled from a reality's severing duet From my body falls all aptitude for sensitivity to apathy and between decapitation and the day acceptance is adopted with a sigh of relativity You saved me from a death by disregarded hours and released me to another day alone but alive
awwwwww... I LOVE this song... soooo dang sweet... I am seriously singing along and smiling right now.. oh my gawd... thank you for that... my spirit is dancing happily with your deep, meaning words... this is.... wow... ok.. the poem.... it is layered, but the sparkly rays of sweet sentiment are sprinkled throughout..
you know I get where you are coming from and can relate on so many levels.. alive is a start sir.. it is actually, a damn good start... alone is fixable... some of us are only a click or text away... ((hugs) to you my friend.. what a lovely piece..
So glad you enjoyed the song April, it's a favourite of mine as well :) And of course I'm even gladd.. read moreSo glad you enjoyed the song April, it's a favourite of mine as well :) And of course I'm even gladder that you enjoyed the poem...I'm smiling knowing that you're smiling too :) Yes, you always do know where I'm coming from my friend, and I'm thankful beyond words for that...whenever I'm depressed, which is most of the time, my mother tells me just to be happy and thankful that I'm alive...such a simple and sensible piece of advice, yet so hard for me to wrap my mind around at times...I'm starting to get more comfortable with that belief as I get older, but it's hardly a be-all-and-end-all remedy...then again I wonder if I'd ever write if I were simply content with being alive...anyways I'm going off the rails now haha You know how much your friendship and support mean to me my friend, and I'll never feel alone as long as I have it...so glad you enjoyed this piece, and I hope you're doing okay today...you know I worry about you :) ((hugs))
10 Years Ago
never a remedy in the matters of the head and the heart like that my friend... (just saying)... well.. read morenever a remedy in the matters of the head and the heart like that my friend... (just saying)... well, then looks like you won't feel alone then, cause have it you do... I am as well as can be expected.. one moment at a time.. thank you..
10 Years Ago
Thanks again my friend, I'll be checking in on you from time to time :)
The depth of emotion combined with the imagery in this piece is sensational my friend. You tell such a real story here. The days starts as it does and as it unfolds there can be so many things going on....isolation sets in on occasion but as April has said this is fixable. So many lines in here relate to me and really pull at the heart strings.
Troy
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
So glad you enjoyed it my friend...it started out as a simple story and got increasingly personal a .. read moreSo glad you enjoyed it my friend...it started out as a simple story and got increasingly personal a I got further into it...I'm glad to know that there is someone out there that relates to it...thank you Troy :)
It's a love poem Steve, told with all the craziness of your mind and feelings and I am sure that the one you wrote it for or had in mind when you wrote it, knows this very well and made her heart soar... Roy Orbison also did a song like this that is good...
ALIVE!!! HE's ALIVE.. another benefit of writing a love poem. It makes your blood flow and body tingle and then, standing there, in front of you the dream, the angelic woman who carries kisses and soft smiles and never swords except to keep those monsters away... Sorry Steve, got carried away thinking about all you put in your LOVE poem...
~~redzone
Haha Well I feel more confident about it being a love poem now than I did before my friend...it felt.. read moreHaha Well I feel more confident about it being a love poem now than I did before my friend...it felt like just another heaping helping of despondency from my diary when I finished it...I can only say this about the person I had in mind...they did not know this song was coming with it haha Other than that, the subject of this poem may never come up, and that might be for the best :P
I wanted something romantic, but my creative destiny is in the abstract, perpetually flirting with outright darkness...I'm not even sure what else to say, but I'm glad you enjoyed it...I didn't think much of it when I finished it but 13 reviews is the equivalent of 130 for me so I must have done something right...I don't know if you can tell but I'm having a few drinks...I hope I'm making sense haha Thanks Curt :)
10 Years Ago
I sure hope you saved some booze for me. Might only be 7am, but booze for breakfast was once a favor.. read moreI sure hope you saved some booze for me. Might only be 7am, but booze for breakfast was once a favorite ... along with cold pizza. Those were the days. If only i could remember what i did maybe I'd have more memories. HA!! on reviews you are doing better than me don't think i got that many reviews yet.
10 Years Ago
Haha Yeah cold pizza is like caviar for me ;) I'm visiting my Mom right now o the drinking is on hol.. read moreHaha Yeah cold pizza is like caviar for me ;) I'm visiting my Mom right now o the drinking is on hold for today...probably only today though haha
yet the sword of your anointing revelation
isn't flat and flush with the descending
contours of my collarbones
On my shoulders I collect
the clammy pools of blood culled
from a reality's severing duet
From my body falls all aptitude
for sensitivity to apathy
and between decapitation and the day
OH MY. I just keep reading those lines over and over again.
“swallowing deflated social bait” ah, now you are playing MY song, my friend. Some days I am downright anti-social and the older I get, the less patience I have for the BS of social niceties. I am tired of smiling at those who would stick a knife in my back if they had the opportunity. However, I believe your message has a much deeper meaning. We dream dreams and somehow they never come to fruition. We followed the rules thinking the “Donna Reed Show” was real life. When we awakened from the dream, well, we realized Noah’s ark was the last place people were always two by two. Sometimes, though, being alone is a good thing. It certainly trumps being in a miserable relationship! You have this unique was of expressing yourself, Steve.....your vocabulary is so descriptive. I so enjoy delving into the meaning behind the words. Wonderful work. Oh, and that Everly brothers song is GREAT! Lydi**
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Haha I don't think I ever had patience for those niceties in my most youthful days my friend...you k.. read moreHaha I don't think I ever had patience for those niceties in my most youthful days my friend...you know me, I'm pretty cynical, especially when it comes to the matters I've addressed in this piece...as lonely as I get sometimes, it's preferable to what I've endured in my past...at this point I think I'd rather be alone and write riveting stuff than not be alone and write generic poesy...but I'm going off the rails a bit here haha So glad you enjoyed this piece my friend, I didn't think much of it at the time but it seems to have struck a nerve...glad you like the song as well, it's one of my faves...thank you Lydi :)
The realities of salvation, leave us living with ourselves.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Well said my friend...salvation may keep you going, but you're still alone when it's all said and do.. read moreWell said my friend...salvation may keep you going, but you're still alone when it's all said and done...
10 Years Ago
So true, but second chances are worth more than the first. We can establish what we never had.
Well you said you were going to do it, and you've written in your own charming and distinct style my friend. 'Knighting manifestations' and 'anointing revelation', pleas within the heart of a dreamer. Apathy is hardly something you possess in your repertoire and no decapitations please Benji, for who shall stun us with poetry such as this? As always, you made a statement within your brilliantly edgy & complex declaration. Perfect song. xo
Mission accomplished I'd say. :)
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Ah you make my heart smile Mrs.R, something you're better at doing than anyone else...it's hard for .. read moreAh you make my heart smile Mrs.R, something you're better at doing than anyone else...it's hard for me to accept this one as a love poem, at least in an 'ode' style...I do suppose it is one when all is said and done, but my attempts at writing positive things rarely turn out that way...I guess it just isn't in my DNA...but your support trumps all the reservations I may have towards this piece or anything else I write...it means the world to me that my poetry means that much to you...look how much you inspire me...seems like every second or third thing I write is directly or indirectly inspired by you, which is a wonderful thing...you've made me a better writer, but you've also made me a better person...I'm not sure how aware you are of that...
The song is one of my favourites...thanks love, I'm thrilled that you enjoyed and felt this piece :) xo
10 Years Ago
Now you've gone and made me cry Steve...you own my heart in this moment! xo
10 Years Ago
here's a tissue ma'am... I still have some from you making me cry.. only fair I say... between the t.. read morehere's a tissue ma'am... I still have some from you making me cry.. only fair I say... between the two of you, I am going to have to run and hide before I have no tears left... grrrrrr... you two may make me cry but ya'll always make my heart smile... I would suggest a group hug, but will just slide the tissue over instead... :)
Haha Sorry ladies, I didn't intend my melancholy to become so contagious, but I can only speak from .. read moreHaha Sorry ladies, I didn't intend my melancholy to become so contagious, but I can only speak from the heart...I exhausted a few tissues over the course of writing this, trust me haha I'm still very much open to that group hug though ;)
10 Years Ago
Sounds like a plan to me, and since it's Frieday, we should throw a few cocktails in there just for .. read moreSounds like a plan to me, and since it's Frieday, we should throw a few cocktails in there just for good measure ;) Squishy group hug & sloppy kisses...
10 Years Ago
uh oh.... don't know if I need those at the moment... but will take the hugs for sure. :)
This is open to any number of interpretations, but yes, I see it as about the saving power of love. To me it is also about how some days, daydreams are the only thing that gets us through. The entire poem is awesomely beautiful in its vocabulary choice, as are all your poems, but the first few lines and the last few are the best.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
It is about the saving power of love, and the debilitating power of it when it' either insincere or .. read moreIt is about the saving power of love, and the debilitating power of it when it' either insincere or unrequited, sending the lover to his dreams as the only solace he has...so it is certainly about dreams as well...I'm sure I had other things in my subconscious as I wrote it, but it's about loneliness first and foremost, I'm not gonna lie...so glad you enjoyed it Jennie, your support and kind words mean the world, and they give me confidence when I'm in dire need of it, which is more than people know...
What I get from this is a love that saved the speaker, but in the end the love still didn't last.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Welcome to my attempts at a positive write my friend...sigh, maybe next time...but this is what I wa.. read moreWelcome to my attempts at a positive write my friend...sigh, maybe next time...but this is what I was referring to last night when I was saying how I admired your ability to stay quirky even when dealing with angst...the closest I can come to it is wry sarcasm on sporadic occasions, and I couldn't even muster that with this one....
one of the best songs ever..."Dream, dream dream dream, dream....when i want you, in the night, when i want you to hold me tight, whenever i want you all i have to do is dream"
but when i wake....i am alone, you are not there...and today is another nothing...another day of being little more than alive...but not so much in heart.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thou hast said it my friend...this is one of my favourite songs, I just needed the right poem for it.. read moreThou hast said it my friend...this is one of my favourite songs, I just needed the right poem for it, and this was the right one...so glad you enjoyed this one Jacob, thank you as always for the support.
My first book is out! Any comments that anyone may have to offer regarding my work would be deeply appreciated, as I'm yet to get a review.
www.amazon.com/Waltz-Around-Swirls-Steven-Fortune/dp.. more..