'BY INDIRECTIONS FIND DIRECTIONS OUT'

08 19 14

For the sake of good intention
I'll surrender my intent
to a martyr's apprehension
over where to implement

this intrinsic need to reckon
I'm here to affiliate
with a purpose that will beckon
to me if I cling too late

to whatever destination
I mistook for the wrong turn
Fate will stamp a laceration
into my attempt to learn

the dynamics of my reason
for attaching to this state
for exploring sense is treason
in the brailled code of fate

And I'm blind so no excuses
will avert a guilty plea
I've already spent my uses
on a binge of sympathy

I'm an avatar of vicious
avarice in my obsessed
state of bitterness suspicious
of the ones around me blessed

with a magnet of affection
and a pleasant frame of mind
who can turn from the direction
I'm too simply doomed to find

I pretend to be a martyr
for depression's ball and chain
Am I sure I can't try harder
in an effort to abstain

from a self-destructive yield
to a so-called fate of grief?
I no longer know...I'm keeled
over in diseased belief

Author's Note

Title: Hamlet, 2.1.66

Avatar: M.C. Escher

Reviews

[Ayvid N]

Wow Steve. The rhyming and structure in this writing are so effectively and elegantly done.

"the dynamics of my reason
for attaching to this state
for exploring sense is treason
in the brailled code of fate"

- This was the spark of pure poetic genius I was referring to...'The brailled code of fate"

"I'm an avatar of vicious
avarice in my obsessed
state of bitterness suspicious
of the ones around me blessed"

...I totally appreciate this. When feeling low, we tend to be suspicious, even paranoid sometimes, towards the best of intentions, on a self-pitying spree, alienating others . In my case I often turn vicious too, just as you said here.

"I pretend to be a martyr
for depression's ball and chain
Am I sure I can't try harder
in an effort to abstain" ------- I love just love this. I totally do!

""I pretend to be a martyr
for depression's ball and chain" ...I just had to repeat this! Its too good.

[kublakhan27]

I always love hearing from you my friend...you always know just where I'm coming from...I used to do rhyming pieces on a regular basis but I've gradually gravitated towards free verse as time has gone on, so I felt the need to return to a fixed form and prove to myself that I could still do it...I didn't feel great about it initially and I wondered if maybe I'd lost my sense of rhyme, but your kind words have put my mind at ease...as usual I find myself struggling to find words to do justice to the depth of your insights, but I can only say thank you with all my heart for taking the time to offer such a lovely review...and thank you as always for understanding...you know how much it means to me :)

[Ayvid N]

Your rhyming is as good as ever. It is and always will be a great pleasure to read your thoughts through your unique poetry Steve.

[Ashira Macy]

Wow, I really loved this one. I read it out loud and everything about it was perfect. Meter was smoother than silk, and the rhyme scheme added pretty patterns to it. I liked that each stanza ran into the next, it made sure that it wasn't choppy and hooked me in, I didn't once want to stop reading. Depression is an awful thing, and I am sure I don't know exactly how you feel, but I know my version of it, and it is hard to see anyone happy around you when you are feeling so lousy.

[Lyn Anderson]

This is tough for me to read, but it really is a wonderful piece. I lived with a person who used his depression as an excuse to hurt me, so for me, I have a hard time expressing my feelings on the issue without sounding bitter and angry. I get it, I do, but it still hurts.

[kublakhan27]

Yeah, and it's because of those people that people like me don't get taken seriously...you've read my writing, you've talked to me, and you know I'd never use it as a tool of convenience...trust me,I'd much rather be happy than depressed, and I'm still doing my best to remedy that...I'm sorry it brought up bad memories for you, but I'm glad you liked the poem.

[Frieda P]

Sorry it took me so long to get in here, work/life gets in the way of poetry some days, the nerve.

Well....you took the road less traveled but you ended up in the same place, rhymes with--I'm on to you Benji. ;) No matter, your brilliance shines through, even in the dark recesses of braille, you knew I'd love that line. 'Pretend to be a martyr', now that's pretty witty, albeit frustrating as bloody hell, that'll get you points and send you to the city limits...and diseased belief is sort of an oxymoron, but in Dali's language it makes perfect sense, although your metabolism sped up a bit since your last binge. It's like blinking xmas lights, they're mesmerizing, until one goes out, and the whole thing goes kablooey. ;)

Love the rhyme scheme, it's a bit askew, like the view from your stamped laceration. I mean, I love it to pieces.... xo

Very cool video.....

[kublakhan27]

Haha No you don't miss a trick Mrs.R ;) There's more Dali in this review than in the poem I think, I don't even know where to start haha As you can probably guess, this was an attempt at nursing my wounded pride back to health...I haven't done a fixed form in ages, so I needed to find out if I still had it in me...if it worked, I'd get some of my confidence back, and I did, though I can't say if it made me any happier...nonetheless I'll focus on the positives, cuz Mrs.R might slap me silly if I don't ;P The oxymorons were inevitable...I'm a walking contradiction on a myriad of levels, and my psyche is very much akin to Christmas lights...one short circuit is all I require to trigger a power outage...but alas, I survived another poem, and the holidays can proceed, for now anyway...

That song could probably go with any number of poems I've written, but I think it's the only one that could have went with this one...so glad you enjoyed it love, I honestly wasn't sure how you'd respond to this one ;) xo

[Kenneth The Poet]

Quite the write, KK. Love the rhyme and imagery.

[kublakhan27]

So glad you enjoyed this one Kenneth, it was definitely a labour of love.

[Sheila Kline]

In the brailled code of fate, we look back and realize we did not see it at all - just attempt after attempt to meet the mark of expectations of life and then it hits us - we are overwhelmed and fall to our knees as we lament over what might have been, of what is to come with the realization that what is, is just what is.......music is great to give added credence to a confessional to reckon with!
And the artwork of M.C. Escher - ever climbing and climbing but where do we go???

[kublakhan27]

This was the mental equivalent of trying to separate a ball of tangled wires...as always, you have a way of tapping into the bare bones of what I write my friend...I'd never be able to explain what was going on here in my own words but you've done it with incredible precision, which makes me happy...sometimes I have to dwell heavily on the music and visuals that will accompany each piece, but I was pretty sure I was going with these options from the get-go...thank you as always Sheila, for going the extra mile and offering a wonderful review...so glad you enjoyed this one, it was NOT easy working this into the meter ;)

[Einstein Noodle]

brilliant ..best confessional ever .. stripped bare and raw to the bone .. but Sir Kubla .. you are so not so!
i applaud this brutal honesty .. making me peek-a-me ;)
E.

[kublakhan27]

You have brought a smile to my face with your kind words my friend, and there were not a lot of smiles to be found in the process of this composition haha It is a bare-bones work, no doubt about that, and the process of fitting it into a fixed form did not make it any easier, but I used to do a lot of rhyming pieces and I felt the need to prove to myself that I could still pull it off after not doing one in ages...so glad that this one resonated with you, especially in light of the confessional nature of it...thanks E ;)

[Matching Socks]

Wow, just wow.
This knocked the wind out of me.
xo

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much my friend, I'm glad that this one resonated with you...it was NOT easy working it into the meter, but I wanted to challenge myself ;) xo

[Matching Socks]

you know it resonated buddy, big
xo

[Sophy Freebirds]

"For whatever reaction, i mistook for the wrong turn"- we learn fr our mistakes. But those turns we take in life can't be changed.. this is a wholly different poetic AVATAR of yours. I love that word as it is taken from my mother tongue. Its an optimistic piece Steve and i loved it. Coming from you it was kinda miracle.:) i liked the rhyme pattern here. And ofcourse you can do anything you want. You have got that in you. This piece does contains holes - of self pity but it becomes great when you move away from that "self destructive yield".. Amazing as ever K.K .. ;) ★takecare★

~Sophy

[kublakhan27]

haha Yes it does feel like a miracle of sorts when I find myself in an optimistic territory, but as you pointed out, there is still a lot of angst in my words...the unsettling thing is that I still find myself making the same mistakes even though I should have learned from them by now...depression has a way of making bad habits hard to break though, and I can only hope that if I write about them enough, I'll be able to flush them out of my system at some point...

I'm glad you liked the pattern...I used to do fixed forms all the time but I haven't done one in ages and I felt the need to prove it to myself that I could still do it...there are still some clumsy bits but it worked out better than I thought it would...I don't know if I'd rank it among my personal best, but I felt the need to change things up...thank you as always for the support Sophy, it means a lot knowing you enjoy my work so much :) You take care as well ;)

[Sophy Freebirds]

You will surely get it out of your mind... don't worry.. and a bit of angst is good for the poet's soul.. ;),was aa pleasure

[Jennie Baron]

Thanks for the Dire Straits, especially for a song that's not the same old crap the radio stations play. It's eerie, we do seem to have a lot of the same musical tastes. By the way, this poem struck me as very musical in its flow...

And thanks for the Hamlet reference. It adds a level of depth and nuance. Guess I didn't tell you but we actually hold the same degrees and Hamlet is, of course, a favorite.

[kublakhan27]

Glad you like the song Jennie, I put a lot of thought into the musical clips...I collect vinyl as well...I have a few hundred albums and they're one of my favourite bands...I also saw Hamlet live for the first time last summer...it started at sunset and ended in the dark, and was performed around an army heritage site...quite the experience :) This is the first time in ages that I've done a rhyming piece with a clearly defined rhythm...I used to do them all the time and I felt the need to prove to myself that I could still do it...so glad you enjoyed it.