'BY INDIRECTIONS FIND DIRECTIONS OUT'

08 19 14

For the sake of good intention
I'll surrender my intent
to a martyr's apprehension
over where to implement

this intrinsic need to reckon
I'm here to affiliate
with a purpose that will beckon
to me if I cling too late

to whatever destination
I mistook for the wrong turn
Fate will stamp a laceration
into my attempt to learn

the dynamics of my reason
for attaching to this state
for exploring sense is treason
in the brailled code of fate

And I'm blind so no excuses
will avert a guilty plea
I've already spent my uses
on a binge of sympathy

I'm an avatar of vicious
avarice in my obsessed
state of bitterness suspicious
of the ones around me blessed

with a magnet of affection
and a pleasant frame of mind
who can turn from the direction
I'm too simply doomed to find

I pretend to be a martyr
for depression's ball and chain
Am I sure I can't try harder
in an effort to abstain

from a self-destructive yield
to a so-called fate of grief?
I no longer know...I'm keeled
over in diseased belief

Author's Note

Title: Hamlet, 2.1.66

Avatar: M.C. Escher

Reviews

[AYVID N]

Wow Steve. The rhyming and structure in this writing are so effectively and elegantly done.

"the dynamics of my reason
for attaching to this state
for exploring sense is treason
in the brailled code of fate"

- This was the spark of pure poetic genius I was referring to...'The brailled code of fate"

"I'm an avatar of vicious
avarice in my obsessed
state of bitterness suspicious
of the ones around me blessed"

...I totally appreciate this. When feeling low, we tend to be suspicious, even paranoid sometimes, towards the best of intentions, on a self-pitying spree, alienating others . In my case I often turn vicious too, just as you said here.

"I pretend to be a martyr
for depression's ball and chain
Am I sure I can't try harder
in an effort to abstain" ------- I love just love this. I totally do!

""I pretend to be a martyr
for depression's ball and chain" ...I just had to repeat this! Its too good.

[kublakhan27]

I always love hearing from you my friend...you always know just where I'm coming from...I used to do rhyming pieces on a regular basis but I've gradually gravitated towards free verse as time has gone on, so I felt the need to return to a fixed form and prove to myself that I could still do it...I didn't feel great about it initially and I wondered if maybe I'd lost my sense of rhyme, but your kind words have put my mind at ease...as usual I find myself struggling to find words to do justice to the depth of your insights, but I can only say thank you with all my heart for taking the time to offer such a lovely review...and thank you as always for understanding...you know how much it means to me :)

[AYVID N]

Your rhyming is as good as ever. It is and always will be a great pleasure to read your thoughts through your unique poetry Steve.

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

WOW, this write was an amazing poem. Very talented indeed. :)

[MomzillaNC]

Your meter and rhyme carry the reader into the narrator's state of mind, to be weighted down with him by self-doubt, self-pity, and suspicion of anyone and anything not in the same state of mind. Very well crafted.

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much Momzilla, I worked pretty hard on this one :)

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome.

[anne]

I loved each line...its beautifully framed.... :)

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much Anne :)

[Rita L. Sev]

I think we need a benefit or fund-raiser for this most deadly of diseases, for even when it doesn't take physical life, it sucks out the soul and takes loved ones with it... You worked out these rhymes admirably, Steve. An excellent read.

[kublakhan27]

I hear you there my friend, I'm still trying to recover from this piece, it took a lot out of me...so glad you enjoyed it, thank you Rita :)

[Eve Ola]

you done in very impressive way. Great job with rhyme as well

[kublakhan27]

So glad you enjoyed it Eve :)

[Avanthika]

the poem looks good with the rhyme :)

[kublakhan27]

Thank you Avanthika, glad you enjoyed it :)

[Blake Fodor]

Wow poem is really impressive...this one is amazing!!

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much Blake :)

[realmwriter]

Very forth coming of the feelings we have all had at one point or another. This whole piece is moody and weighty, it makes you feel what is written on the screen. It makes you go through every emotion as you read and to read over it again while holding your breath, you can feel the wait of it pushing on your chest. There are little pops of lightening within and thunderous clouds of expression sprinkled throughout. What a skilled write.

[kublakhan27]

Thank so much, I'm glad that this one resonated with you so deeply...it was a definite labour of love, starting with the volume of emotions involved, then trying to fit it all into the meter and keeping it seamless...so glad you enjoyed it, and many thanks for the insightful review.

[realmwriter]

You're very welcome.

[AprilRN1210]

oh wow, look at you!! the melody of the words are so enchanting as they take you on this deep, dark journey into the abyss of feelings, doubts, thoughts, and demons... Those "lacerations" that get "stamped" do run deep and hurt, but it is those lessons that you learn that help you to grow... we all have our scars, yes, some deeper and more profound than others, but if we always dwell on those, then they will fester and infect the rest... love the references to decoding with braille and you being blind so not having an excuse.. the answers are there... we just have to know HOW to look, where to look, and understand what we see.. then we have to ACCEPT it--which is usually the hard part, and then move on from there... it is hard not to be bitter when those around you seem "blessed".. but when they are willing to SHARE their blessings with you, then you should enjoy.. partake... i know... easier said than done... we all want our OWN rewards for work and life attempts... sometimes we are too busy focusing on what other people have to realize the small pleasures in what is before us... we are all different... maybe what you want isn't what you need... what is good for one person isn't necessarily good for another... even if it is something you want... I could tell you endless stories and examples of this very phenomenon happening to me throughout the years, and in the end i can see the lesson.. hated it then.. but know in my heart now, it was for the best... surround yourself with these positive friends.. they can make a huge difference in your outlook. for you are an awesome person and there are plenty who see and appreciate... positivity is infectious.. those bright rays of lights that others shine warm the soul and lift the spirit...

"I pretend to be a martyr
for depression's ball and chain
Am I sure I can't try harder
in an effort to abstain"......... yes... I had to copy the whole dang stanza... I LOVE THIS... I have been here... I KNOW what this feels like... you have described something that is so daunting and tormenting in such a way that it HIT me... it also makes me just want to reach out and give you the biggest hug ever..... this is so well written and so much honesty, emotion, and soul in this write.. makes it magical, powerful, and moving.. I am so proud of you my friend.... AMAZING... ((BIG HUGS))

[kublakhan27]

My dear friend, this is one of the most touching and awesome reviews I've ever received...I'm actually in tears as I try to formulate a response to express how happy you've made me with such a deep (and spot-on accurate) collection of observations...first off, let me just thank you for taking the time to pick this piece apart as you did, finding every nuance that was hidden within, the presenting it in this incredibly in-depth review...that alone brought a huge smile to my face :) Yes, there are a lot of good thing going on with me yet I do have a hard time accepting them...I don't know why, I guess I do seek my own rewards as you mentioned, but I must teach myself to be more grateful for the blessings that my friend have shared with me...this is nothing new for you my friend, you know me pretty well now and you know where my head is at...but I assure you that I never stop trying...I have a hard time distinguishing between what I want and what I need, and I think that's the cornerstone of all my issues...if I could ever work that bit out, I'd probably not only be a happier person but a more gracious one...

I'm happy that there were parts in here that you could truly feel...that was another bit that brought a smile to my face :) It's been a long while since I did a rhyming piece with a meter, so I was worried about how or if my message was going to get through, but to say that you've put my mind at ease is a massive understatement...thank you so much for all you insights and support April, and most of all, your friendship...not many people take the time that you have to dissect and try to make sense of my psyche, but you do, and in the process you often wind up explaining to me who I am when I'm not sure myself...thank you thank you thank you, and I wish you all the best :) ((BIG HUGS))

[AprilRN1210]

you know you mean the world to me sir... I saw YOU in this piece.. not coded, not hidden---just you.. honest... and beautiful... it moved me... I know I got long winded, but felt it--so shared... I am glad that I could bring happy tears and a smile... you are amazing and deserve it... please know the truth in that statement.. YOU ARE AWESOME... your writing is brilliant and your soul is kind and giving... you are a bright light even if you hide it.. I SEE IT.. so let the world see... it was my pleasure... oooooh love the big hugs... thank you... :)

[kublakhan27]

:) What can I say, I'm still speechless my dear friend...I can only tell you that I have this review saved, and will refer to it in times when my confidence is lacking...your support and friendship mean more than I can articulate, but you know how i feel :)

[AprilRN1210]

good!!! save it, read it.. just BELIEVE IT... that is the hard part...You should know me by now.. I don't give false flattery, and I don't say things I don't mean... ever... I am genuine and honest.. I mean every word and there are plenty who would agree with me... take the words in and FEEL them... :)

[kublakhan27]

Oh I'd never doubt your honesty my friend, and I know you'd never offer false flattery...you never need to worry about me doubting your honesty, and that's why your support means so much...I do feel it deep in my bones, no exaggeration :) xo

[AprilRN1210]

good!! I am glad... one of these days, I am going to pick that brain and make you do a collab with me.. you know that right?

[kublakhan27]

Haha Oh I know, and I'll be ready...I'll be increasingly busy in the next week or two working on my manuscript, but you know I'll have no trouble making time for you ;)

[AprilRN1210]

yay!! glad to hear it sir!! ooooh, I am excited.. gonna be soo much fun!! watch out.. I won't bite... too hard.. lol :P

[kublakhan27]

Haha Bite as hard as you wish my friend, just don't tickle me...tickling is more torturous than biting to me...wait, should I even be telling you that? haha :P We'll have to set up a time to start working on one...I'll be in touch, or you can let me know :)

[AprilRN1210]

yea, agreed.. I am way too ticklish, a fact my baby brother exploits way too often. it is torture!!
so no.. no tickling either way mister!! .. anytime is fine with me, hopefully will get to go to Cali in the next few days though, so we will see... fingers crossed...