A NAME IN BURNED-OUT LIGHTS

08 08 14

A want of ambition to be overblown
circumvents a poet's oath
taken by me to assist in my
ear canal's scribbled chiseling
to allow the entertainment
of as many scores of
understanding voices
as a poet can absorb

A bearable aesthetic hangover
in the pain of culminated decibels
sure enough asphyxiated on the alter ego
soreness in the hush of revelation
that the lion's share of voices
understood some other poets
in a brighter introspective light

To a turgid degree
they were outsmarted by the
quivering suppression of my roar
beneath a cankered tongue of ink

Ambition is the retort of health
to lethargy's undoing disorder
Now I yearn with smirks immune
to health for that lethargy
to call out my jealousy of
satisfied readers and their voices
entertained in the company
of more deserving ears

Author's Note

Captcha: hammerer

Reviews

[Sheila Kline]

Steve, you only have to reach one person with the right message to be a hero, a superstar, a saving grace, a knight in shining armor so just be yourself, write because you enjoy it and don't worry about who is impressed, and who is not. So, I'm gonna pull a Shakespeare on you, "To thine own self be true"! You are GREAT, you don't need the approval of other writers to prove it!!

[kublakhan27]

You've made me smile on a night when I didn't think it possible my friend...I don't know, I just feel invisible on some nights...to simply say thank you doesn't seem adequate, but I have no other words...you know how much your support means to me though, it transcends words...I'll go to bed feeling better about myself than I did before I received your review...thank you Sheila :)

[Sheila Kline]

Ah, that's nice..............have a good night's sleep my friend!!!

[Sami Khalil]

We write for the love of our craft, for the inspiration we see all around and that we want to share with others, for the satisfaction it gives us and the meaning to be part and parcel of a greater community of writers, for the emotions that are reflective of our humanity and above all to give glory to God and as His creation. Now jealousy is natural like any other feelings we posses but there is fine line when it crosses into evil like pride or others. ( Talking in general of course for anybody)
Write your heart and soul and humanity will echo you. Excellent...:).....

[kublakhan27]

Thank you for the insightful review Sami, I'm gad you enjoyed it :) Don't worry, I'm nowhere near evil or pride...the jealousy, yes, that could be better taken care of, but a lot of times I'm just venting...I do write for the love of it above all, and would keep doing it even if I wasn't read by a single soul, but you know how it is, we all want an audience, I just have to learn to accept quality over quantity...many thanks again :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are right. Always welcome...:)......................

[Frieda P]

You don't have to dream about it hon, you are genius, those poetic demons will surely leave us feeling hungover, I don't think you're alone in this feeling. Aren't all creative types insecure...and we're only satisfied til we have another idea, and write it in our inky blood. Your poetry is so unique, I would know i was you from a million miles away...not everyone has that claim to fame. Funny, that John Lennon, who represents peace, is singing this one, reminds me your mindset too. ;) Just saying...

'quivering suppression of your roar'...not so much here. ;) xo

[kublakhan27]

Well, that mindset was really the cornerstone of this piece Mrs.R...I'm sure you know what I'm getting at in this one, and if the poem doesn't do, I was sure the song would...the support of you and my other friends has done immeasurable wonders for me in terms of confidence, and I can't tell you how much that means, but I continue to try and come to grips with the fact that I'll never have the numbers on this site to go with that confidence...but it's alright, you always put my mind at ease, and as I've reiterated many times, your support along with a few others is all that really matters, I just get depressed sometimes and have to vent, though this one is more a vent on myself, an admission of guilt for not supporting my friends when they achieve the goals that I don't...I'll never live that down...but anyways I won't start a pity party cuz I feel do feel much better now...so glad you enjoyed this one, you are my dearest and sweetest friend, and I thank you for putting up with me and my emotional high maintenance ;) xo

[Mark]

Another one of those days? ;)

I am not going to repeat everything April just said (though I agree with her every word;)

im simply going to say with heart bypassing filter.

Kubla. .. I know of no one else who could have said that in such beautiful verse.

understand?

I love your voice

I love it even more when it is your heart that is speaking:)

so chin up;) and show me your soul

[kublakhan27]

haha Most days are those days my friend, try as I might to fight that mentality off...I fight if off for a day here, a day there, then I'm back into my usual mindset...and the thing that is disquieting to me is that this IS my heart speaking, it must be my heart for me to feel this way so frequently...I'd like to think my soul isn't this dark, but the only way I know for sure is to keep writing, and as long as I'm writing, I'm inevitably going to churn out stuff like this...but it does make me happy to hear your kind words, and hers, I can honestly and truthfully say that...I only wish was better at channeling it into something positive that I can retain, as opposed to falling back into this negative mindset...I've been feeling better as of late, which is the best thing I can say...I'll do my best to keep my chin up...thanks as always for the kind words my friend...you always understand where I'm coming from :)

[Mark]

I do understand. . as you do me (its the only reason I comment of such things;)
you know I love ya, I said it a list;) just wish I could help you show so many others exactly what I see;)

[kublakhan27]

It's quite aright my friend, the people will see what they want to see around here...if I knew who those thirty people are that just clicked on it and didn't take the time you did to compliment and talk to me, they'd never get another look from me...but as I told April, I wish I could articulate my positive feelings as we as my negative...it really does make me happy when I get your reviews, I just articulate how happy it makes me...thank you nevyn for sticking with me, I know I'm not an easy person to stick with :)

[AprilRN1210]

Sometimes it isn't the quantity it's about the quality... while some people are more famous, more well liked, or well understood, doesn't mean that they are better--sometimes means that they go out of their way to be heard..... for example on here those with tons of reviews--lets say out of 1000 reviews maybe 4 would actually say something worthwhile, sincere, or helpful.. jealousy is something that has plagued all of us at one time or another, but when you are awesome and have true friends it is easily overcome... ambition is a wonderful thing, it can give you the drive, the motivation to continue when dark clouds threaten, but sometimes people can go overboard and get lost in the "competitiveness" in it.... we have to be careful how we "measure" success and which accomplishments hold merit... makes you wonder who writes for "ego" and who writes for "expression"..... another nice write sir....

[kublakhan27]

These are the things I struggle with everyday...they scare me...I know I'm not competing with anyone, but that's the only thing I think I can say with confidence with regards to all the points you've made here...the jealousy should be easy to overcome because I know I have true friends that constantly assure me that I'm awesome...so why do these feelings dog me so relentlessly? It really does scare me April, the things that run through my mind on a daily basis...I tell myself and my friends that I'm happy for them when they achieve their goals, but would I really feel this way if I was honest with myself? I know I write for expression too...that's the one other thing I can say confidently, but I must have an ego just to get the inkling to write something like that...this poem is unequivocal attack on parts of myself that I disapprove of, and the attack is made that much more potent when I realize how easily you picked up on all of these elements...this stuff scares me April, it really does...

[AprilRN1210]

we all have our "demons" that we struggle with everyday... part of life.. the fact that you know yours, acknowledge them, and are working towards overcoming them says something about you.. one day at a time is all we can do... it feels so good to be understood, appreciated, liked, and seen by others... I understand this and can relate.. but when it doesn't happen--that is ok too.. don't let it get you down... may just be a rough patch... I have read some awesome pieces that had no reviews... or one review... and had been posted a while.. that broke my heart.. but the writers were thankful for the review, humble and still optimistic... if some people have fallen by the wayside, that is ok too.. there will be plenty others who will eventually discover your work and fall in love too.. and I will say this again... I have visited pages with hundreds of reviews.. most of them are generic one liners that are clichéd and really don't relate to the piece... is that really what you WANT?.. the people I see review your pieces are genuine, honest, sincere, friends who look and try to understand the piece, how you are, how it relates.. that is priceless... I have seen some people on here start out humble and writing for themselves and then the "fame" go to their head and turn them into something that I don't want to be around... so I will take the few, awesome reviews any day my friend.. .because ultimately I write for myself and my friends on occasion... smile... you are loved, appreciated and understood by some awesome writers---that means something!!! ((hugs))

[kublakhan27]

Sigh...you've summed it up so well, I don't even know how to respond...I should definitely be more appreciative of the reviews I do get, cuz I know they are sincere...it's just that some of my friends don't just get lots of reviews, but the majority of them are deep and sincere...that's the kind of thing I wish I had...I wish I were on the top lists as much as some of my friends are, I wish I had that degree of adulation, cuz for them, the adulation hasn't gone to their heads, and it wouldn't go to mine...but I guess I'm just digging a hole the more I talk about it...but you know your reviews mean the world, not just the reviews themselves but the time you take to have these conversations with me...they mean so much more than I can articulate...I wish I could express my positive feelings as good as my negative ones...but I'm grateful beyond words for your friendship, even though I'm not very good at expressing it, and you do bring a smile to my face when you tell me the things you have here...I just have to stick to that philosophy of one day at a time...I mean, yesterday I felt great, and even managed to produce an upbeat poem...I just hope it doesn't take me another week now to get another one of those days, but I'll do my absolute best, for sure...thanks so much April, for everything ((hugs))