DISPOSITION BREEDS OBSESSION

08 07 14

Those old dispositions elevate
like welts on my night's
hypothetical indifference
emotional beneath a crust
of frailty like onion skin
I immerse sullen in a monotone
of moods and I wonder which
of them will play the role
of sentimental foil
to my dogged antiheroism

I wish I could roll this
mental haggis of obsessions
into a stone-laced snowball
and kill the matador
window feeding me
the red cartwheeling matter  
of fulfilled attention
and maybe take out some of
those who know me by my nickname
which is not Norm

Author's Note

Reviews

[Frieda P]

You know you might try a balm or something for those welts on your 'hypothetical indifference', nothing worse than indifference in my book....you've been a little less abstract lately, or I can just read 'dali' now....

I have to tell you 'mental haggis' certainly got my attention, that stuff is so disgusting, so eww what imagery here. You know I'm gonna be calling you Norm from time to time now. ;) This one was a bit more subdued, as if you whispered it in hushed tones of antagonism.

Wouldn't you like to get away where everybody knows your name? ha ha Norm....at least your husband doesn't want to be a girl...ya know, just saying.... ;) xo


Dogged antiherosim....of your frail onion skin peel... &

100 red cartwheels

[kublakhan27]

I was just thinking of you love...I was gonna write and see how you were holding up...

I do think the abstract factor has subsided a bit as of late, which I guess reflects my mood...I've been a lot more direct...still it makes me a little uneasy cuz my identity has always been based on Dali and the abstract, and I don't want to lost my identity...even though this piece is very personal, it still doesn't sound like me poetically-speaking, and that makes me a bit uneasy...

I thought the haggis image was pretty good in the context of what's been going through my head...I would like to get away to that place Mrs.R, cuz I haven't really found it yet, if you get my drift...I'm quite fond of the ending as well...there is a pun involved, and I'm just glad I don't have a husband, let alone one that wants to be a girl haha

Thank you as always my dear friend, I don't know what I'd do without your support :) xo

[Jennie Baron]

Wow, another very intelligent and imaginative poem. I guess I was not the only one intrigued by the "mental haggis" bit...but it works!

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much Jennie, I'm glad you enjoyed this one :)

[Matching Socks]

A jambalaya of mental images. :)
Cool write.

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much Ana :) This is another in a long line of psychological self-assessments, which have been coming on a regular basis as of late...

[Matching Socks]

Self-assessment can be harmful. Just saying... We're our own worst critics.
Self-awareness is good...

[kublakhan27]

Very true...the problem is I have too much time to think...I can't keep a proper job with my issues, and trust me, I would work cuz I'm sick of being literally penniless all the time...on the bright side, it's given me lots of time to write, as angsty as it may be sometimes :P

[Matching Socks]

Lol. At least you're looking on the bright side. :)

[kublakhan27]

Ha I have no choice really...I'd either be in a monastery or a padded room otherwise ;P

[kublakhan27]

Ha I have no choice really...I'd either be in a monastery or a padded room otherwise ;P

[Lyn Anderson]

Mental haggis -- that has got to be one of the best lines I have ever heard. As a crazy obsessed trivia nut, I think of Cliff -- love the Cheers reference.

[kublakhan27]

Haha That was the last image that came to me writing this piece...I had to alter the line to work it in, and it's the most popular part...the Norm reference was a pun, but I would have used that song anyway, it's one of my favourites.

[Ashira Macy]

As always your work is full of wonderful layers of emotional and intellectual wedding cake. Every single line has so much meaning behind it, it is often difficult for me to choose favorites. That being said, here are two that called out to me as I reread it:

hypothetical indifference
emotional beneath a crust

I imagine what you are saying here is that though on the outside you have made yourself out to seem as though you don't care, there will always be an inner world full of emotion. Wonderfully penned my friend.

[kublakhan27]

You are spot-on my friend, as you always are...one of my favourite songs has always been The Great Pretender, and I think I had it in my mind when I wrote this...people tell me a lot that I'm a nice guy but I rarely feel like one...as my writing suggests, there is a lot of negative stuff boiling up inside of me...my next poem is going to make it even more direct than this one...so glad you enjoyed this one Ashira, thank you for reading and for understanding :)

[Ashira Macy]

I am with you on that my friend. In a way we are all just playing our parts out like a stage play anyway. The only people who ever see us outside of our costumes are those that are unfortunate enough to become close enough. Now I have the Great Pretender running through my head. =P

[kublakhan27]

Haha I get it stuck in my head a lot ;P

[AprilRN1210]

try as you might to be "indifferent", those who feel as deeply as you do can never accomplish that feat... guess that's where the welts come in... reminding you that you do FEEL and you can't ignore... everyone wants to feel they "belong" and that there is a sense of "community" amongst "friends"....

the sullen, hurt, feelings can creep in when we start to feel the loneliness, and take over... snowball effect of emotions... confusion, anger, pain.... they torment you until you just want to throw it back like the unwanted ball of angst that it is...

very emotional write sir.. it touched me... the flow added to the intensity beautifully...

[kublakhan27]

You understand me so well April...I've mentioned this before,but it's no mean feat considering most of my family has never even figured me out...I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, its a not-uncommon theme in my work, and I still have another poem in the bank addressing this theme...I try to be patient and look at the bright side of things, and I can fight it off for stretches of time, but the loneliness along with those other emotions always come back...I'm so thankful or the support you give me and my writing...so glad you enjoyed this one :)

[AprilRN1210]

I can see and relate well my friend... most people don't take the time to "look" that is the difference.. and I know exactly how that is... it is always a pleasure.. ((hugs))

[kublakhan27]

:) ((hugs))

[Kenneth The Poet]

Definitely not the Norm at all.

[kublakhan27]

You have a great knack for picking up on puns Kenneth...many thanks.

[redflutterby]

We are our own worst enemy at times...I can relate well to this piece. The second stanza is my favorite...mental haggis eh?? Love that line. x

[kublakhan27]

We can be my friend, though I'm not lacking for enemies these days...I thought this was something you might relate you...the haggis was a last-minute addition haha I hope you're doing okay...I've missed you..xo

[redflutterby]

I have my own share but grief puts so much into perspective. Those enemies are but dust specs in the wind. Ha...I'm doing the best I can. Living one day at a time which is better then the alternative...x

[kublakhan27]

I understand, I'm trying with all my might to do the same...I'll drop you a line soon...in the meantime you know I'm wishing you well and hoping for the best for you...x