JUST LIKE TOMBSTONE BLUES

04 15 14

I tried to be cordial with inactivity
washing it with weeping juice like a pardoned effigy
but the diamonds of determination were so wrapped in mind debris
that I threw away a fortune in potential

The smiles of the platitudes are louder than their laughs
An appeasing of their attitudes I warrant with the gaffes
of an undertaker's underling bestowing upon epitaphs
another deadened and deprived credential

Seeing days in ways that never did occur to me
Every end a mending by default, a sour recipe
for compromise eroding in a rusty pot of empathy

The dentist rubbed his fingers when he saw my gritted teeth
No sermon on the mount from me, more a mumble on the heath
My incisor is a tack that would support a giant's wreath
Thorns of novacaine will numb my Christmas wish

For the sake of universal order I will freeze a yawn
Mostly harmless said a hitchhiker of Earth so I can spawn
a batch of clones to live on hold where all the battle lines are drawn
I'll zip up and in the universal order I'll languish

Seeing nights in ways that never did occur to me
Every satellite a telecast of fault, a sour recipe
for sleeping juice to boil over in Big Dipper's empathy

Where's a pound of flesh when needed? I've grown tired of these ribs
On the grill of soggy marrow, hungry haunts will have first dibs
Call on William Blake to send the weepers to their cribs
Wishful thinking I'll preserve beneath the floorboards

With a hand in nothing new and an incisor in the usual
intestine chains surround my motivation's hot pursual
Don't read too much into my implied acceptance of a dual
with a messenger of fact's implicit hoards

Seeing days in ways that never did occur to me
Every end a mending by default, a sour recipe
for compromise eroding in an empty pot of sympathy

Sound the bugle for my bed is made, I'm rested for detention
Solitaire I'll play in my confinement for the crime of sought attention
I revolted the philosophers in plugging my intention
I would not concede that lab rats had it worse

The satellites are full and bright, the shadows walk on lakes tonight
I'll dream of sleep but eyes will play me in my bedroom's voided sight
Lay with me and sigh and the elastic laws of nature might
halt the quivering continuum of fate's forsaken course

Seeing nights in ways that never did occur to me
Every channel plays the same old cooking show's ensoured recipe
Compromise a minor seasoning in liver-flavoured empathy

Author's Note

Rhyme scheme inspired by this song...the title is inspired by another Dylan song, Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues...I tried to capture a bit of his rambly style as well...as if anyone could capture anything about his style right? :P

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you did capture it...and that is a really good song..."when you're lost in the rain in Juarez and its Easter time too" ...."and negativity won't see you through"

something like Rue Morgue avenue...i like the allusion to the dentist here and sometimes finding inspiration is like pulling teeth...and poems come as painfully as sitting in the dentist's chair...fearing the worst.

i dream of sleep too...but the muse won't allow it most of the time. with the mind debris of the poet often we end up with a boatload of potential never reached...because we just get everything jumbled trying to get it to paper.

dylanesque you were shooting for and dylanesque you achieved, he is one of my favorite singer/songwriters, the voice of our generation...and you are one of my favorite poets on this site.

jacob

[kublakhan27]

Your kind words are inspiring and humbling my friend...I was eager to hear from a die-hard Bob fan to find out if I did in fact pull it off...you definitely brought a smile to my face with your review as you always do...thanks so much.

[isus]

i'm listening to the song great great :D :D :D :D: DD: :D: D::D: :D D::D :D: :D:D :D: D: ::D :D: :D

[kublakhan27]

Haha I listened to it several times through the course of writing this...thank you Isus :D

[Frontier]

I like this

"Seeing days in ways that never did occur to me
Every end a mending by default, a sour recipe
for compromise eroding in a rusty pot of empathy"

and how you kept repeating it throughout. The part about freezing a yawn for the sake of universal order, thought it was funny. One thing though you might want to check over the flow.

[kublakhan27]

Thank you Frontier :)

[Pryde Foltz]

I tried to be cordial with inactivity
washing it with weeping juice like a pardoned effigy
but the diamonds of determination were so wrapped in mind debris
that I threw away a fortune in potential

Incredible metaphor work, Steve. Man, I hear you on the tooth pain … nothing quite like it.

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much Pryde...the antibiotics have killed the pain but I still look like there's a golf ball in my chin haha

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

OMG!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A POEM, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this. Amazing, stunning.

Kaze~

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much Kaze, so happy you enjoyed this one :D

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

Your very welcome, it was my pleasure. :-)

[Frieda P]

Woo, it's got rhythm & rhyme, and I can dance to it, I give it a resounding 100... clever, witty, a bit daft, and genius, all wrapped up in the compromise and emptiness of empathy, how could anyone resist the harmony of pride here? You even made the toothache work in your favor, whilst nearly making Bob's monotone voice come to life, and I adore that second stanza, 'the smiles of the platitudes are louder than their laughs', that'll stay with me...what a great quote from your unique Daliesque pen, this is superb Steve and oh so yummy, if I could get that liver flavor out of my head ! Now, I'm seeing night in a new light too...Love, love this.....! xo

[kublakhan27]

Well my current dental conundrum is making smiles difficult, but you managed to get one out of me through the swelling, just as only Mrs.R can do ;) I'm been writing more off-the-cuff material lately, and even though it still isn't my preferred way or writing, I'm learning some things about my style that I never realized before in all my years of writing, and the feedback on this one so far has sent me over the moon...I tried to work in as many of my literary idols as possible, be it in direct references, or references to their characters, or just by mirroring it in my surreal way of looking at things. There's obviously some Dali in here, a lot of Dylan, being the main inspiration, some Leonard, a bit of Wilde, there's even a bit of Poe in there ;) And as you know, I like to attempt song lyrics and rhyme schemes on occasion just to prove to myself that I can still do it haha

So glad you like that line love...the second stanza is an important one for sure, it's one of the more serious sections, with my usual daft wit becoming increasingly prominent as the poem progresses. I'm so happy to know that you loved this one so much...after all, there is a lot of Benji in it, more like Benji running with his head cut off (see avatar haha) but Benji nonetheless. Thanks so much Mrs.R :) xo

[Deuces]

Personification of inactivity in the first line. Hot!!!
I love this piece. I interpreted it as maturity, perhaps getting older and the way the world is seen through our eyes so differently as we age. I could relate so much to, "Seeing nights in ways that never did occur to me," as I tend to feel this way as of late.

Very unique, intricate and deep writing. Great work.

[kublakhan27]

So glad this one resonated so deeply with you G :) Truth be told, I'm leaving this one up to interpretation...there are some hints of coming of age throughout, but there are elements of many other things in there as well...I'm hoping it conjures a different story for everyone...thank you my friend :)

[redzone]

well Steve, it seems that you and ole Bob D had dinner together one night at the "restraunt at the end of the universe" and traded witicisms with Dougie Adams and his "mostly harmless" enterauge (sp). I never tried their liver flavored empathy though.. any good??? I think though I'd stay away from that "sleeping juice", it has been known to make B. Dylan a bit rambly. I am having fun with your poem Steve and all its references to music books eating and even dental work.. oh brother... lol. When I'm on my puter, I will come back and listen to this song.. enjoyed muchly your creative style... ~~redzone

[kublakhan27]

First off I gotta say I'm SO happy that you got the reference, I was really keen to see if anybody would, so that's pretty cool :) There are other references to some of my idols and influences in there as well...a bit of Leonard, a bit of Dali (Frieda's other nickname for me haha), a bit of Wilde, even a bit of Poe. But of course, it ultimately revolves around Bob...I'm not so sure I'd want dinner with him though...he's a pretty strange guy and I'd be too intimidated to know what to say...actually the sleeping juice is another cross-reference, this one involving Coleridge, another longtime favourite (and his opium). This is a fun one to write though, the most fun I've had writing a solo piece in quite some time...and I listened to that album a lot while putting this one together over the last two days. So glad you enjoy my style my friend, and thanks as always for the support :)

[s y e]

OMG, am I really seeing a brand new poem from my number one best friend in this whole universe, Stevedoo!? I'm like shocked and stunned and blown away. Ha, okay so I got excited...

Firstly, I adore the picture, I've seen that before and it was like it was written for me! I laughed so much just seeing it again. I loved the imagery here and the way you worded it... such a smart little Steveroo (I'm a bit hyper so excuse my funny sentences)

// For the sake of universal order I will freeze a yawn
Mostly harmless said a hitchhiker of Earth so I can spawn
a batch of clones to live on hold where all the battle lines are drawn
I'll zip up and in the universal order I'll languish //

The first two lines made me laugh... ha. My Daddy says when I yawn it's like a big black hole, lmao! :-P

Overall, this was a hit and I am so happy to see you writing again, looks like all you needed was Frieda to come back and WALLAH!

[kublakhan27]

Hahaha See, I told you she had this way of just willing words out of me :) This isn't my traditional voice by any means, but I felt the need to change it up after struggling for that last while, so I decided to get more spontaneous and off-the-cuff...I still had to work it all into the rhyme scheme of course, which had to mirror the song I referenced, but instead of dwelling on words that rhyme, I just did it line by line and let the rhymes take care of themselves.

I'm glad that there were bits of it that you could latch onto...this is a rare case in which I left something wide-open to interpretation, hoping it would tell a different story for everyone. So glad you enjoyed it my smart little Noodlebop...you know how much I value your friendship and support , and thanks for being by number one friend too :)

[Lyn Anderson]

Well, you have your own style, so there. And I really like some of the imagery and clever wording in this piece. Liver flavoured empathy? EWW and perfect.

[kublakhan27]

Haha Yeah the liver thing was a late addition, but it sounded right in my mind ;) So glad you enjoy my style, it took me about a dozen years literally to find out what it was...thanks so much K :)