THE CHILL IS INTEGRATED

03 06 14

I'm not fishing orally for compliments
in this sea of self-pity
yet I have this chill
that curls and recedes on the clockwork
of the rippled intermissions
when my skin is open to the Sun
Its heat keeps me honest
but the chill is integrated
in my most embarrassing outbursts
so that guarantees a return
of those waves in which I languished
indifferently and existential
I dog-paddle in a silly celebration
of no regrets / but like a drunk
stuck between senses
I'm a waterlogged fisherman
campaigning for a hook

Author's Note

Written in ten minutes...this should be fun...

captcha: disallow...

Reviews

[Rita L. Sev]

Its heat keeps me honest
but the chill is integrated
in my most embarrassing outbursts ...

We live in such fear of our own insecurities, and do such crazy things to divert attention from them... I like that last image, the waterlogged fisherman. Every fish'll bit if you've got good bait... but some days we'll take the scraps...

[kublakhan27]

So true Rita...you know me pretty well now, and if you've ever seen my statuses or comments elsewhere, you may have noticed that my insecurity has a way of deteriorating into a full-blown inferiority complex, and a deep resentment over the fact that I do not get near the attention that some of my friends get for their writing, and that is where the embarrassment factor comes in. I am genuinely happy for my friends when they get that adulation, but there's always that undercurrent of resentment, and it often makes me wish there was no status box on the site cuz it's such an easy place to unleash a day's worth of bitterness in a few seconds and a few words haha I'm getting better though :)

[Rita L. Sev]

Getting better is always good - any step in a more whole, content and balanced direction is a good start. Funny, I had a meeting with a student today who has been stressing out because, in his words, "No matter what I do, I'll never be as good as *Susie." (the top student in the class) It broke my heart, because he is very bright, very hard-working, and an all around great kid. I left him with these words from St. Francis DeSales - "Be who YOU are, and be that well." I think we could all use that reminder - Steve, this site would not be the same without you, and I appreciate that your poetry makes me think and feel in ways others do not. Status? You are YOU - and that's all that matters.

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much for the support my friend, it goes a longer way than anyone can realize :)

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

Such a stunning write, you have a gift that just shines like a diamond. :-D

Kaze~

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much Kaze...your support and kind words mean more to me than you know :)

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

Your very welcome. :-)

[MsJewel]

Great use of metaphor in this wonderfully written poem my friend. I believe we all need reinforcement at times...the support of those around us. Another amazing poem for my library.

:) Julie

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much Julie, you always give me a confidence boost with your kind words :)

[writing mojo]

You always take the most intangible things and bring such beauty...You have that gift of rehabbing these simplistic emotions to the page with such air of coincidence.. amazing piece.

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much my friend for the kind and inspiring words.

[Ayvid N]

"I'm not fishing orally for compliments
in this sea of self-pity
yet I have this chill
that curls and recedes on the clockwork "

- Steve, this is an awesome take on our need for reinforcement! Our fear of lack of acceptance...the chill we keep feeling time and again...

Again...

"I dog-paddle in a silly celebration
of no regrets / but like a drunk
stuck between senses
I'm a waterlogged fisherman
campaigning for a hook"

We may try to just enjoy and just be in the placid moment...but we never stop looking for more!

You outdid yourself with this one. It's a brilliant potrayal of a poet's psyche! It worked so much for me. Thanks for sharing your feelings!

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much for the kind words Divya...I'm happy to know that this one resonated :)

[redflutterby]

Hmmm...sounds like a case of insecurity Steve. Dont feel bad...ive battled that myself lately. Among other things. My muse has left me and my health is crap. But I'm struggling along because its all I can do. Keep your chin up friend. x

[kublakhan27]

Red, I'm so happy to hear from you again...I've worried about you and still do. As for me, I'm nothing if not insecure, especially lately, as my muse has abandoned me as well. Before this piece, I wrote one thing in three weeks, and that's all I need to get uncomfortable. But don't worry about me...keep your chin up as well my friend, and I hope you'll keep in touch...xo

[redflutterby]

Of course I will. And your concern warms my heart but dont worry. I'm doing a little better tonight. Just need to get my immune system back up. Hopefully my muse returns... hard when youre struggling and can't even express it through words. Big hug hun...xo

[kublakhan27]

It's the worse, I know...when you depend so much on words for therapy, it's depressing when they're not there...and I know that depression...but it will come...I know that's not comforting right now, but trust me ;) Hugs to you my friend...xo

[Lyn Anderson]

This is so neat. Great imagery and metaphor, although I am stumped on fishing orally -- I am wondering if you meant aurally? Anyway, maybe not, the orally gives me a much more graphic image, anyway, great write.

[kublakhan27]

Haha Nope it's orally my friend, which is a bit more graphic, though I do like aurally too...Glad you enjoyed it KL :)

[Lyn Anderson]

a lot more graphic, lol.:)

[kublakhan27]

Haha It's not out of the question that I will alternate the two in the future :)

[RichGee]

To want/need affirmations in life is human...some of us want/need it more than others.
Judging from all your reviews, you are one hell of a fisherman...
Genius work of art my friend!

[kublakhan27]

Many thanks for the kind words RichGee :)

[RichGee]

My pleasure

[Stella Armour]

the most spontaneous writes i find are always the best ones.. sending you my freely given compliments on this heartfelt poem..... :o)

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much Stella, much appreciated :)

[Stella Armour]

My pleasure..........

[Lydia Shutter]

We all have multi-faceted personalities...times when we need the pats on the back and times when we retreat like turtles into our shells. When posting a poem, we are putting ourselves out there.....will we get approval or be ignored? Difficult to predict sometimes. Still, we do it.....we dive in and take the chance. You know what? The water is usually just the right temperature at the WC! I liked this one. Consider this an un-fished for compliment! :) Lydi**

[kublakhan27]

A perfect review my friend...in my time on WC, about a year and a half now, I started with a pretty substantial group of friends that offered lots of output on everything I posted. That pattern has rapidly dwindled to the point where I can't even get twenty reviews for anything I post. It's very deflating, I won't lie, but the good thing about it is that it taught me who my true friends are, the ones that are truly interested in what I write, and that makes it all worthwhile. Thanks so much Lydi :)

[Lydia Shutter]

The truth is, there are so many responsibilities in life, I find I don't always have the time to keep up with the poetry at the WC.....but when I do wander in, yours is a page I do come to consistently.

[kublakhan27]

I know just how you feel Lydi, I'm not sure how some folks find the time they do to be here so often...I'm happy to have you as a regular visit though, that means a lot :) You're in my subscription list but I haven't had much time to keep track...I hope to make it up to you soon.