RISE, SHINE, AND FALL

RISE, SHINE, AND FALL

A Poem by kublakhan27
"

10 15 13

"
I awoke with the want
to take a nap

The salient dawn did well to
cull and claw at my cognizance
like medicated taffy
Admirable is Apollo after all
Not the most approachable sibling
yet neither am I at times

In my time of only-childhood
the surroundings of a sunlit house
serenaded me on contact
with the threshold that locked down
the night in my bedroom

Days were like sand
from a shattered hourglass
funnelled into a container
of the future
Every morning was a vacuum
tending to the funnel with the grains
of possibility retrieved for
another cycle through the secret
we are spared of as children
until the vacuum as appliances
are wont to do
died

leaving us with adulthood
and a bowl of something
that reeks of ashes

© 2013 kublakhan27


Author's Note

kublakhan27
This was a rushed piece, though given how few people read my stuff now, it's probably not worth a damn anyway...Smirnoff may or may not have helped my cause here...but having only posted one thing so far this month, I was desperate to get something out. I don't know, I may have to go back to this one.

My Review

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Featured Review

A childhood filled with love and a feeling of security gives way to adulthood....when nothing is quite as it seemed back then. Have the dreams fo childhood burned down to ashes? There are days it does seem that way. The imagery in your poetry is superb. A joy to read. Lydi**

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

I was thinking about how we spend so much of our childhood longing to be adults, then regret the fac.. read more



Reviews

I am not familiar with your writing, but having come to return your kind favor of reviewing my Dracula poem, I am more than grateful for your review of my piece as I might have missed this, and it would have indeed been my loss to have not read of that which I can indeed relate to!

When we are children, and so innocent and looking to that which shall come in future days, we expect the moon to shine brighter than it does, we yearn for the big and wonderful to happen, we really are at times unlimited in our expectations, but when we view life as we are older and what has actually come to be, we see a totally different world than that which we perhaps hoped for. The disappointment may be great, the struggles even greater to just become comfortable with where we are. And, then we have all the tomorrows to deal with......that is the rub!

I am very impressed with your skill as a poet!!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

Thank you for stopping by Sheila. I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and I agree with your sentiments .. read more
This is incredible, Mr. K ! Amazing use of enriched imagery, not to mention your
Spectulauar unique use of your extensive vocabulary!

Eloquently poignant, I um at a loss of words now, just know that I
Absolutely love this poem! Pockets it...a cupcake with a 100/100

(Wonders why I'm still dealing with writer's block?) :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ms. barrie

11 Years Ago

(Everyone's writings) blah blah, ten characters
kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

That's quite alright bud, critiquing is not my strong suit either...maybe that's the origin of my is.. read more
ms. barrie

11 Years Ago

I do not get that many reviews because I usually write long narrative poems
Or lyrical poem's .. read more
There are so many days when I feel like what is the damn point, anyway?! Looking back, studying, excavating, even... Does nothing to get us up out of that bed, Steve. We have to soldier on. We just have to. I feel you on this one, man. Angi~

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

I can tell that you do my friend. It's not a great place to be mentally. The way you've described .. read more
Angi

11 Years Ago

I have your back if you have mine. One step at a time. You are welcome, Steve.
"Days were like sand

from a shattered hourglass

funnelled into a container

of the future

Every morning was a vacuum

tending to the funnel with the grains

of possibility retrieved for

another cycle through the secret"~ You're a brilliant writer (Smirnoff or not) with an amazing talent of depicting the darkest thoughts which are deeply etch in your readers minds....I can see the beauty of this pain...of losing time and dreams as an adult...Well penned, creative write!~xoxo~

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

I'm so glad you were able to tap into this piece so deeply my friend. It definitely came from a dee.. read more
Robbie~xoxo~

11 Years Ago

I can truly relate to this... not everything is rosy, and I appreciate the emotions you have evoked .. read more
kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

I hate admitting it but gratitude is a work in progress with me. I was never good at enjoying the l.. read more
This is a poem that I can definitely relate to = having had those days when I wake up and feel like pulling the covers back up over my head.

The way you turned to memories and then back in the last stanza is incredible writing. The flow, the pain, the emotion...everything...perfection.
If this was rushed- this reader would never know it.
Brilliant writing

:) Julie

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

Thanks so much Julie :)
Beautifully penned the journey of life with its despair.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

Glad you enjoyed this one Moon, many thanks as always for the support.
"I awoke with the ant to take a nap..." This piece starts out with a feeling of weariness; Life is just too exhausting some days, and turning to the memories of youth is not always invigorating... The means by which we aim to find the "shine" don't last long. This poem is felt in my bones, each metaphor uniquely crafted.

Your title speaks volumes as well... A great piece, K.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

You nailed it with your assessment my friend...thank you for reading and sympathizing :)
This was an interesting and nostalgic type of write. Loved the vivid poetic imagery you've displayed here. Great work Kublakhan. An enjoyable read. :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

Thank you as always B, glad you enjoyed it :)
leaving us with adulthood
and a bowl of something
that reeks of ashes

The trick perhaps is to learn to love like a child again and self-console with wisdom. Great write, steve. Loved the closing.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

Very good point, I never thought of it that way. So glad you enjoyed it, thank you Pryde.
OMG! this is absolutely amazing, the form, the meter, the ability to flash from past tense to future and keep the readers attention with (this and that) Wow! "medicated taffy" "Admirable is Apollo after all "Not the most approachable sibling yet neither am I at times" You dove deep in those metaphoric atoned bones of yours to express this inward turmoil of a child hooded unmask...brilliant stuff



Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

Thanks so much for the kind words Mojo, they do mean a lot, more than you know. I'll be checking ou.. read more

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991 Views
25 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 4 Libraries
Added on October 15, 2013
Last Updated on October 16, 2013
Tags: rise, shine, fall, dawn, childhood, growing up, morning, hourglass, future, ashes

Author

kublakhan27
kublakhan27

Nova Scotia, Canada



About
My first book is out! Any comments that anyone may have to offer regarding my work would be deeply appreciated, as I'm yet to get a review. www.amazon.com/Waltz-Around-Swirls-Steven-Fortune/dp.. more..

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