SWALLOWED STANZAS (VII-VIII)

09 18 13

VII.

Smooth fire on the water summons Autumn's contradiction

Colours splash the scenery and blur the Summer into fiction

No more hues of blues and yellows, orange and red will soon prevail

and my tongue will burn the snowflake's sad impression of the hail

VIII.

White glitter mingles with the grey like grains of sand

in the hippie's holdout lamp resigned to angled ceiling's reprimand

If I popped the cork and downed the psychedelic juice

what degree of swallowed murder would the lava law induce?

Author's Note

I to VI: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/kublakhan27/1222723/

Reviews

[writing mojo]

these written seasons are out of this wold! Such planetary misalignment, and in your beautiful foreign foliage spaced out, then, came upon the poet to write it's empirical landscape, screaming a flood of star dander, just to scratch the echoing surface to be understood...great piece

[kublakhan27]

I thank you immensely for the support my friend. I always enjoy reading your takes on my work and how eloquently you express them.

[Tate Morgan]

I like living where the seasons change It is the way of our ancestors to mirror the seasons of our lives well done

[kublakhan27]

Thank you Tate.

[KAOlmsted]

What degree indeed... 1st, I believe, as you popped the cork with deliberate and intentional malicious aforethought ;-) *dun dun dun*

The seasons changing in VII took my breath away. It's been a while since I've seen a proper season change. I went from the extreme cold of Alaska to the extreme heat of Florida. I rather miss my upstate NY autumns...

Well done, my brilliant friend. As usual, of course. xoxo

[kublakhan27]

Hahaha good thing I don't actually do all the things I think about doing...did that come out like a tongue-twister? ;P My life's catalogue would be extremely thin if I didn't have the weather to write about...otherwise I'd be writing about popping those corks...

You humble me with your kind words as always my friend, thank you :) xoxo

[KAOlmsted]

And I do all the things you think about doing and more ;-) My sister told me once she would never read any book that began with a passage about the weather. I quickly changed the opening paragraph in my book. The question you might ask yourself is, did I change it to eliminate, or include the weather ;-)

My absolute pleasure xoxo

[kublakhan27]

Haha well-played hun, and I don't wanna give my answer cuz I don't wanna be wrong ;) xoxo

[KAOlmsted]

wink-smile-hug xoxo

[ms. barrie]

Wow, this is simply stunning, the imagery in very line
portrayed in both of these stanzas you penned
exquisite!, Not to mention the fluidity and rhyme. Your incredible use of vocabulary,
Paints breath-taking surreal landscapes that takes one away while reading this.
Thanks for sharing :)

°~ Barrie Joy

[kublakhan27]

Thank you for the wonderful review Miss Barrie, it brought a smile to my face, which is saying something these days :)

[ms. barrie]

You're quite welcome, Mr. Steve, apologies for my delayed reviews, been distracted
With company and figuring out new writes. Awe, I wish you'd smile more,
But I know the feeling :)

[kublakhan27]

No worries my friend, I've had a hard time getting around to reviews myself for a myriad of reasons...hopefully my head will clear a bit soon and I'll be able to devote more quality time to reading and reviewing, especially your work cuz I really need to sit down and concentrate with your stories ;)

[ms. barrie]

No rush, P. Obsession is hidden for a while and Chapter 30, hasn't been born yet lol.
I'm trying to come up with other new writes, solitude and r.l. silence
Would be nice...anytime, you want meander around my side
of the cafe, feel free to... again, no rush! :)

[Keith]

Amazing images in these 2 stanzas. Love the first, the second is vivid but skulling a Lava lamp? People drink weird s**t at parties here, but that tops it, sure not letting them near this poem tho.

[kublakhan27]

Haha yes there is definitely a pair of entirely different moods here...the first stanza probably is better but once I got that image for the second one there was no turning back :P

[Frieda P]

I believe you do have a lava lamp Benji, I love that stanza, in truth I love the entire write, your swallowed stanzas are so full of luverly symbolism that I get lost in them. Leonard may have been the 1960's psychedelic hippie but you're ours for today. :-) xo

[kublakhan27]

I don't know what it is but when I sit down to write these things, I get into a mindset that I don't get for anything else I write, which is too bad cuz it's become one of my most popular pieces here haha Trust me, I may have been born in the 70s but I'm a 60s hippie all the way...you're aware of most of my interests now, and of course I have a lava lamp ;) I've been told I was born fifteen years too early, and I wish I was haha So glad you liked it Mrs.R :) xo

[Rita L. Sev]

Both stanzas are impressive, but I am in awe of the first...

Smooth fire on the water summons Autumn's contradiction
Colours splash the scenery and blur the Summer into fiction

Imagery, wordplay, vivid language, even rhyme in these first two lines alone... Gorgeous!

The second stanza has me thinking - about lava lamps and hippie revenge... I enjoyed this read, K!

[kublakhan27]

Thank you Rita :) I think the first one is stronger as well...the second one was inspired by a comedy routine I saw many years ago about a good night gone bad for a couple of old hippies, especially one of them haha Glad you enjoyed them :)

[shallimarRose]

"water summons Autumn's contradiction" great line..

"White glitter mingles with the grey like grains of sand
in the hippie's holdout lamp resigned to angled ceiling's reprimand
If I popped the cork and downed the psychedelic juice"

Wonderful piece here Steve with great metaphor and word usage. xo

[kublakhan27]

Thanks Rosebud, glad you enjoyed it :) xo

[Jack...]

I have often wondered what it would taste like to drink the lave lamp liquid, maybe hot jello? But what flavor? And once ingested, would it still move about inside of me as my body temperature changes? Would it be visible in an xray? Yes, I may be weird, but so am I.

Loved both of these Steve, the first, brings autumn to our eyes in colorful metaphors, the second...well lets just say it brings back memories of autumns a long time ago.

[kublakhan27]

Haha very good questions my friend...trust me, I think the same weird stuff on a regular basis...well I guess that's obvious cuz I write about it :P So glad you enjoyed them Jack...I think those were the exact reactions I was going for with both parts.

[Riding the Rainbow]

really impressive use of words.
well done;)

[kublakhan27]

Glad you enjoyed it, thank you Kejara :)