SO HERE I AM

07 18 13

I am resentful of the present and envious of the past.
I wonder if I'll ever have a so-called real job again.
I hear the kettle bubbling viciously.
I want everything to happen for a reason.
I am resentful of the present and envious of the past.

I pretend to be book-smart.
I feel mortality when I touch a photograph.
I touch every talisman I can get my hands on.
I worry upon making every single decision.
I cry to the point that I fear dehydration.
I am resentful of the present and envious of the past.

I understand why I stopped trying to figure everything out.
I say, too late, things that should be said
I dream but I only remember the nightmares in the morning.
I try to forget what I learned in high school.
I hope I can make people happy without being happy myself.
I am resentful of the present and envious of the past.

Author's Note

Throwing my name into the "I Am" hat, which I wasn't gonna do, but reading some of the others inspired me enough to go with it. Nothing special. Captcha: fallback.

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

Such honest emotions expressed in this introspective write! You have shared your innermost thoughts...the ones that might seem contradictory at first, but actually make sense to me. While there are many lines with which I can identify, this one blew me away, "I feel mortality when I touch a photograph". This time of year, I find myself looking at old photos and videos. When I do, I realize most of the people are gone...and someday I will be too. I resent the aches and pains and wrinkles I have today and I am envious of the me I used to be....oh yea, I relate. Your writing is absolutely wonderful. I think you do make people happy with your words. You make me realize my bittersweet emotions are not as "out there" as I sometimes think they are. Lydi**

[kublakhan27]

It hasn't taken you long to figure me out my friend haha I'm essentially a walking contradiction...it's because of my medical conditions...I really don't know who I am to this day, and I think a piece this demonstrates just how far I am from truly figuring myself out, and who I actually am, because I am so different from day to day, even minute to minute. I've learned that one thing we certainly have in common is the way we approach the holidays...with every passing year, our shopping lists get a little shorter, and photo albums become thicker. My resentment of the present stems from the wish that I had the same personality then as I do now...I would definitely have handled some things differently, but the past has no conscience and owes me nothing, try as I might to convince myself that it does. That's the thing I envy, the ignorance of the past. But all of this aside, it does make me happy to know that there are some people out there who relate to what I write. It's really one of the few sources of happiness that I have, and you've brought a smile to my face with your kind words. Thanks so much :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, you throw your hat in the ring...and this poem rings with your special touch...

are poets ever Really happy?

i don't know...i am also "resentful of the present (for the most part) and envious of the past"

but again as it relates to some things...love is better now...the rest, as Hamlet would say "is silence"

[kublakhan27]

I'm actually going to see Hamlet in a couple of weeks, can't wait for it haha I ask myself the same question about poets, but it could be asked about anyone really, after all the world isn't what I'd deem an overly happy place...I guess this is a classic case of kids taking their childhood for granted...we wish we were older when we were kids, then we get there and it's vice-versa...thank you for the review Jacob.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I pretend to be book-smart -- love this line, though I think you're probably quite book-smart in reality :)

I like these "I Am" pieces...I guess I wrote my "Who I Am" piece too soon, huh? Though I guess it doesn't follow the basic outline of statement lines.

I understand why I stopped trying to figure things out.
---and----
I hope I can make people happy without being happy myself.

are the two lines that really stood out for me in this...such a sense of saddness here that I want to reach through the screen and squeeze you until you burst (metaphorically of course). You make so many happy with your words. Lovely...and honest.

[kublakhan27]

Funny thing is I was not a fan of these kinds of things before, but once I read a few of the others, they started growing on me, and I think it helped clear my mind a little...but something as confession-driven as this will inevitably be sad coming from me...you certainly brought a smile to my face with your sentiments here though...I'm humbled and glad that I can make you happy with my words...thank you Sarah :)

[rhythm&blues]

Outstanding, you did such an effective job with this one, I certainly have a better feel for your spirit after reading.

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much my friend.

[Angi]

Steve, This is a hard one isn't it? I found out a lot about myself doing this one. You have shared your guts with us, here. Thank you for that. Angi~

[kublakhan27]

I didn't realize how tough it was till I tried it haha I'm so used to giving the poetic treatment to everything I write...glad you enjoyed it my friend.

[kublakhan27]

Oh, do you know the link for that contest? I can't find it :P

[Angi]

I like exercises like this. They teach! Here is that link.

http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/%22I-AM%22-Poetry/48578/

[kublakhan27]

I like exercises, contests not so much haha Thank you Angi :)