What if I wish not to sleep What if I endeavour not to invest in the optimism of the digital finality of midnight pills and cloudy glasses What if I pretend to live numberless and pulverize integer conformity What if I could What then if I did
What a joke
II. To Forget Midnight
I write to forget midnight
(New Year's Eve Are you listening?)
Keep the stars Screw the mysteries and theories that impale the firmament like a junkie dart in a dead callus
III. For Cotton Candy?
What if cotton candy penetrated self-inflicted metaphors of malaise with a lemon-shaded downpour of sucrose instead of ashen thunderclouds evaporating like amusement park con artists
Keep the embryonic morning quilt of clouds seasoned with the cross-breed insinuation of swiss cheese and cotton candy
A lot to ponder here, amazing. What if the numbers on that clock had no meaning, and time did not dictate our existence... if everything that looked sweet actually was... if one day at a time didn't need to be one minute at a time.
Some thoughts your words have given me - I don't know if these were the intended concepts, but that's what is so great about poetry. I am impressed with this!
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
There were many things swirling around in my head when I wrote this one, none of them good unfortuna.. read moreThere were many things swirling around in my head when I wrote this one, none of them good unfortunately but I felt a little better after I got it off my chest...time is certainly a huge player here and your ideas certainly line up with some of the sentiments I was trying to get across...I guess the predominant theme was the monotony of everyday life and how we are indeed slaves to the clock, be it consciously or not...it's a pretty personal piece so I'm really glad you liked it :)
Loved the stanza format you've chosen to use here. It really brings to life the validity of this fine write. The overall theme easily speaks for itself. One of your best to date. Keep up the great work. :)
wow- this was enticing and incredible. reminded me of my personal favorite literary master: e.e. cummings. incredible job. this one's getting shelved in the library to revisit and read again!
Thank you Dana...I haven't read any Cummings in a while but I've always been fascinated by his style.. read moreThank you Dana...I haven't read any Cummings in a while but I've always been fascinated by his style, especially the "grasshopper" poem, whose title I used to remember correctly but it now slips my memory haha I'm humbled to be mentioned in the same breath...thank you so much for the support :)
(I haven't forgotten about your RRs, I promise I will read them very soon :))
11 Years Ago
no worries, it takes me a long time to get around to my RRs as well. and yes, if you'd like to take .. read moreno worries, it takes me a long time to get around to my RRs as well. and yes, if you'd like to take a look at some of his stuff that i was referring to, look at "impressions" and "amores" i think you will enjoy them!
In your stuff... in this piece... It's impossible for the naked eye to see but I feel there are tiny little cuts, here and there so that the words, lines, stanzas are like a sort of magnetic poetry set. In my mind I move them about by just reading in various directions; left, right, up, down, diagonal, etc.. It's amazing what falls out, drops out, hops out, sprints out and runs slobbering for the big red button near the sign on the wall, the one labeled "Escape Pod." E.g.: "What if I wish to forget midnight for cotton candy?" The wheel of fortune spins, that clicking sound, those spaces lighting up so the winning contestant solves the puzzle. A phrase from a famous poem by the founding father of the poetic school of Neonoetics, "What A Joke, or 12:01." One can only wonder at the taxes levied on those prize winners.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Haha they'd be forced to read this poem and this poem only for the rest of their lives...that would .. read moreHaha they'd be forced to read this poem and this poem only for the rest of their lives...that would be their tax...it's a miracle nobody's spun it too hard yet, and broke it off its axle or whatever is holding it down...it looks so big and imposing on the screen and it's probably made of cardboard...thanks my friend.
...and congratulations and solving the puzzle...I won't make you read this for the rest of your life.. read more...and congratulations and solving the puzzle...I won't make you read this for the rest of your life though :P
Woah bud, I can feel the frustration in this write. Your title drew me in and I loved it. You had me teary eyed but maybe thats just me and if its not what you were going for then sorry, must have interpreted it wrong. :-/
Great piece, kudos to you
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Oh no, you didn't misinterpret it my friend...this was a tough write, and not without its tears...I .. read moreOh no, you didn't misinterpret it my friend...this was a tough write, and not without its tears...I can't remember the last time I wrote in this frame of mind o_o But I'm happy to know that this piece has spoken to people...I feared it would be too self-indulgent for that :P
11 Years Ago
Phew, okay so now I'll cry. It was spot on and well written.
Amazing grace and brilliance capture your every word Steve, you said you were going to get this one out there and you did it with such excellence that it's blinding to the mind's eye. Frenetic and relatable, there are no abstract meanings here, the frustration is palpable....if I'd read this at 3 AM I'd have cried in your tears...I read this earlier and was unable to respond, you know the reason why...
"It begins with your family, but soon it comes around to your soul.
Well I've been where you're hanging, I think I can see how you're pinned:
When you're not feeling holy, your loneliness says that you've sinned"
You know this one is going straight into my favorites....xo
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
My dear Frieda...I wish I had the words to articulate my gratitude and equal the support that you've.. read moreMy dear Frieda...I wish I had the words to articulate my gratitude and equal the support that you've articulated here...a lot of tears have been shed in the last 24 hours and will likely continue to be shed well into this night...just moments before I read your review I sent you a song, and I think the words apply both to you and the one you hold dear...there is a crack in everything...that's how the light gets in...xoxo
Steve,
I can feel the frustration, the hair ripping kind. It also feels frantic. Trying to find just the right words. In your face, New Year's Eve! That midnight ticking closer makes no difference to me! I will conquer these words, yet! Angi~
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thank you Angi...this did indeed come from a deep dark place that I try not to visit, yet it tends t.. read moreThank you Angi...this did indeed come from a deep dark place that I try not to visit, yet it tends to visit me a lot...even though the tone is frantic, it took me three days to write, and it was certainly not without its frustrations...I'm very glad you like this one in light of how personal it is :)
This hyperactivity has produced some fearful images for me, Steve. Thankfully my brainstorm is a morning thing which stops me doing practical stuff....and knackers me by 10 o`clock. You need a boring friend you can call...then fall asleep not listening to them. Your dilemma has produced a great poem I wish you had had no need to write. P.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thanks so much my friend...I scared myself to a degree in the process of writing this...one of art's.. read moreThanks so much my friend...I scared myself to a degree in the process of writing this...one of art's cruel ironies is that the most creative periods stem from times of turmoil...I'm hoping I got a lot of these anxieties out of my system with the completion of this piece, but I won't really know until I sit down and try to write my next poem...given the personal nature of this work, it means a lot to me to know you like it as much as you do.
My first book is out! Any comments that anyone may have to offer regarding my work would be deeply appreciated, as I'm yet to get a review.
www.amazon.com/Waltz-Around-Swirls-Steven-Fortune/dp.. more..