What if I wish not to sleep What if I endeavour not to invest in the optimism of the digital finality of midnight pills and cloudy glasses What if I pretend to live numberless and pulverize integer conformity What if I could What then if I did
What a joke
II. To Forget Midnight
I write to forget midnight
(New Year's Eve Are you listening?)
Keep the stars Screw the mysteries and theories that impale the firmament like a junkie dart in a dead callus
III. For Cotton Candy?
What if cotton candy penetrated self-inflicted metaphors of malaise with a lemon-shaded downpour of sucrose instead of ashen thunderclouds evaporating like amusement park con artists
Keep the embryonic morning quilt of clouds seasoned with the cross-breed insinuation of swiss cheese and cotton candy
A lot to ponder here, amazing. What if the numbers on that clock had no meaning, and time did not dictate our existence... if everything that looked sweet actually was... if one day at a time didn't need to be one minute at a time.
Some thoughts your words have given me - I don't know if these were the intended concepts, but that's what is so great about poetry. I am impressed with this!
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
There were many things swirling around in my head when I wrote this one, none of them good unfortuna.. read moreThere were many things swirling around in my head when I wrote this one, none of them good unfortunately but I felt a little better after I got it off my chest...time is certainly a huge player here and your ideas certainly line up with some of the sentiments I was trying to get across...I guess the predominant theme was the monotony of everyday life and how we are indeed slaves to the clock, be it consciously or not...it's a pretty personal piece so I'm really glad you liked it :)
This took me back to my convo with a friend about how time became our greatest enemy and how it often wins. I was thinking that in life, the greatest challenge is not facing our greatest fear nor winning over our other selves, our dominant essential being. The greatest challenge is keeping pace with time. There is a lot of things to ponder on this write, Steve and as always, you haven't failed to keep my mind at work:)
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Some say that time heals all wounds, others say it waits for no one...I have always been more sympat.. read moreSome say that time heals all wounds, others say it waits for no one...I have always been more sympathetic to the latter school of thought...it's like an incurable disease that one can only hope to control with medication...of course, the words are my meds (all my real meds notwithstanding)...I'm still pondering this piece myself...it was written in an agitated state, as has been the case with the last few things I've written...thank you as always Maryanne, for the time you take to immerse yourself in my words...I like to make people think (duh) so I'm glad this one has done that :)
11 Years Ago
I've also noticed that on your recent writes. The good thing is, it channels emotion and it'.. read more
I've also noticed that on your recent writes. The good thing is, it channels emotion and it's what made your words come to life. Yes, I agree with the latter. I think it's an absolute logic. You're very welcome, Steve. You know how I loved to delve into your pool of words:)
Another thing you've heard me allude to regularly is the fear of where my head would be if I didn't .. read moreAnother thing you've heard me allude to regularly is the fear of where my head would be if I didn't have that outlet...I always cherish your input my friend :)
11 Years Ago
Oh, I'm pretty sure I will still find your head above your shoulders ;D It is technically our heads .. read moreOh, I'm pretty sure I will still find your head above your shoulders ;D It is technically our heads that find the perfect outlet for us.
11 Years Ago
Haha I don't know how my shoulders have borne the weight of my psyche all these years ;D
A lot to ponder here, amazing. What if the numbers on that clock had no meaning, and time did not dictate our existence... if everything that looked sweet actually was... if one day at a time didn't need to be one minute at a time.
Some thoughts your words have given me - I don't know if these were the intended concepts, but that's what is so great about poetry. I am impressed with this!
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
There were many things swirling around in my head when I wrote this one, none of them good unfortuna.. read moreThere were many things swirling around in my head when I wrote this one, none of them good unfortunately but I felt a little better after I got it off my chest...time is certainly a huge player here and your ideas certainly line up with some of the sentiments I was trying to get across...I guess the predominant theme was the monotony of everyday life and how we are indeed slaves to the clock, be it consciously or not...it's a pretty personal piece so I'm really glad you liked it :)
Wow, Hon. I really like: "What if cotton candy
penetrated self-inflicted
metaphors of malaise
with a lemon-shaded
downpour of sucrose
instead of ashen
thunderclouds evaporating
like amusement park
con artists". Puts me in mind of the work of healing the inner child. Thanks. Xo.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
:) There was certainly a lot of healing involved in the process of getting this piece written...so g.. read more:) There was certainly a lot of healing involved in the process of getting this piece written...so glad you like it...thanks bud :) xo
I really enjoyed these groups of poems and the very unique way you described your depression with words such as Embryonic and Lemon-Shaded. I also enjoyed how each one was a gradual build onto the last one, only by reading the last stanza does the entire picture become clear. Good write.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thank you my friend, glad you like it and understand where I was coming from.
'What if cotton candy
penetrated self-inflicted
metaphors of malaise
with a lemon-shaded
downpour of sucrose
instead of ashen
thunderclouds evaporating
like amusement park
con artists '
This is probably my favorite stanza I've read this week.
Especially in a heavily metaphorical collection, and ESPECIALLY following a really low toned stanza about 'junkie darts and callus'', this stanza just comes off so fantastically 'what if' in juxtoposition.
What if instead. Cotton Candy?
Even then it's still a con.
Goddd. Great work.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thank you for your praise Sandbox, it means a lot :)
Hey my friend, congratulations! Your goal has been met. Twenty reviews on one piece!
11 Years Ago
Haha thank you friend...I noticed that just a little while ago...I will whine no longer, not about t.. read moreHaha thank you friend...I noticed that just a little while ago...I will whine no longer, not about that anyway :P
My what if's become more convoluted as the clock ticks later. There was a time when id write till three or four in the morning. But work and life got in the way. Sad but we roll with the punches and take what we can get I guess. Fantastic write here. ;-)
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
I hear that...if I didn't know how convoluted my questions got with the passing of age and time, I k.. read moreI hear that...if I didn't know how convoluted my questions got with the passing of age and time, I knew when I finished this piece...I have many reasons for being up that late, none of which I want, except for the fact that I get a lot of writing done after hours...this was a completely different animal though...I've written things that could have been written any time of day, but if this piece did not get written on the night it was written, it would never have happened...glad you liked it Red ;)
What a good write my friend, the so many "What if's" in this do make me truly ponder, for I'm a "What if-er" too. I always say; "True art never sleeps" for I meet you there my friend ;) this fight, or inner fight is hard at times, but on days we have rest, we can look backwards for what we have produced... do you know what I mean? :) It's a perfect way here to protest, or to say no: "to all civil manifests" that's what I got from this, as infact it's just a normal day, and each and every night, we pass midnight... Again here I see the 3 stanza brilliance, back from the last time I mailed you that example, that's fantastic. The psychadellic music of Styx is fantastic here, "reminds me of one of my meetings with Dionysos" LOL ;)
Great work my friend, you never dissapoint me. xoxo
- Elisa
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
A repeated stretch of "What if's" are not a device I would want to utilize on a regular basis, but t.. read moreA repeated stretch of "What if's" are not a device I would want to utilize on a regular basis, but this piece was a perfect storm of circumstances, none of them good unfortunately...thankfully things have cooled down a bit since and hopefully I do not have to write something like this again for a long time, or feel like I did when I wrote it...I totally believe that true art never sleeps :) I've written probably the bulk of my life's catalogue after hours but like I said, this one was a different animal...I've written a lot of stuff that could have been written at any point on the clock, but there was only one night when this was going to get written...and once I did finally get some rest the next day (cuz I didn't sleep at all that night) I was able to look back and realize that it did help immensely to get it all out, but that's how poetry is supposed to work right? ;)
I'm quite happy that you like the song as well...I have all their albums and I just had to add this song cuz it sums up EXACTLY how I felt when I was writing...actually, it almost reads like a non-euphoric paraphrasing of my words LOL One can never have too much psychedelia in their lives, not artists anyway ;) Thank you again for understanding (all of it!) my friend...it makes me happy knowing my words entertain you xxoo
The way you bring music here, is the same, as I do, for I, "Or bring music after a write I wrote" or.. read moreThe way you bring music here, is the same, as I do, for I, "Or bring music after a write I wrote" or I bring music, on a write when I wrote on that particular piece. So it's connected, second to that, I understood the meaning of that night in particular. For maybe I didn't wanted to dig deeper on it for psychological reasons, and overbloomed it with discreteness. You are a fantastic thinker and writer :) for I am a fan!
11 Years Ago
:D xo
11 Years Ago
Sleep well my dear friend xoxo :) till the next episode :D
My first book is out! Any comments that anyone may have to offer regarding my work would be deeply appreciated, as I'm yet to get a review.
www.amazon.com/Waltz-Around-Swirls-Steven-Fortune/dp.. more..