THE GINGER NIHILIST

02 02 05

at the same time
they fall out of grammar
and hang from the source of their shape
like a silk dress to a slim
wire hanger by a shoulder
fault-line wavering significance
arrives at my words
impregnating the barrens of my open jaw
with sentiments hauled in
and barricaded back by timid tongue
and left to hold court with reason
and not to comingle with my heartbeat
and  come out in stutters

Author's Note

Another old chestnut I just found, from an era when I was still committed to lower-case letters.

Reviews

[kublakhan27]

I do love to read your older pieces, for they are timeless, and still so relevant my friend...

Hmmm a difficult one to interpret, I thought at first, you compare yourself with a jacket, but when I read it was a silk dress, (students? at that time) so it was inneens female in my mind, a jumble of thoughts, but I think most of that you try to express what it was in 2005, when and how you stood in life, with all the side feelings next to it. I could be way off, but it was splendid, in metaphor. Thank you dear!

- Elisa

[kublakhan27]

Thank you my friend, it's kinda weird because I lost interest in a lot of the stuff from this period, I was still trying to find my voice and I just didn't think they were that good, but I started revisiting them recently and this is one of a few I thought was still worth sharing...it wasn't written till I finished school but there's a good chance I was thinking of school when I wrote it...you were quite on the mark with your interpretation my dear ;) Thank you as always for spending the time that you do on my work :) xo

I so love your work, so you're most welcome, it's every time a lovely discovery for me! thank you dear xo

[Strider Marcus Jones]

Most excellent poem on the surface and beneath. 100/100

[kublakhan27]

So glad you enjoyed it. Thank you Strider.

[Androglossia]

It reminded me of something you told me about during your high school days. It's related to girls:) Not sure if our convo is still on your PM but my fingers are not used to pressing the delete button so it is still on mine. Well I guess the emotion or the occurence you were implicating on here is not uncommon to teenagers regardless of the gender or preference:) I, for one am still experiencing this in the present time. I think you have perfectly delivered in your own style the process of taking shape or the materialization of your supposed thoughts into words only to find it interrupted by your lack of courage maybe? Or pride? Or insecurities? How about denial? Based on this write, though your voice has improved a great deal, it's still immanent.

[kublakhan27]

Nice to see you again Maryanne :) I do indeed have all your convos still, and yes, you are a master of being keen to what I'm trying to say no matter how deeply I try to hide it in abstract talk ;) This comes from '05 so I was just starting to get acquainted with my own style after almost eight years of trying to figure it out, so this is a special one for that reason...lack of courage? Probably...lack of pride? Probably...you get the idea haha

I hope things are well with you...they tend not to be when you return from a hiatus...thank you for reading and understanding as always :) xox

[Androglossia]

You're very welcome, Steve! I'm doing pretty well but this cafe isn't, lol. There's war out there. War of the geniuses that is. And I tend not to get involved :D

[kublakhan27]

Ugh, you have no idea Maryanne...things are actually semi-mellow right now compared to where they were last week...I haven't gotten involved either...I'm glad to hear you're doing well though...you're telling the truth right? haha ;)

[Androglossia]

Course I am! LOL I won't lie to you. And I do that to you alone, lol. And what about that tag line of yours? I've been seeing that for days now.

[Androglossia]

Geez.. you've changed it to your trademark tag line:) So I guess it means you're feeling better now.

[kublakhan27]

LOL That's true, and the sentiment is mutual ;) It was a reference to all the drama that was going on around here while you were gone...I'm not convinced that it's fully dissipated yet but it has mellowed out at least haha It doesn't necessarily mean that I'm feeling great, but when do I ever feel that way? ;P

[Androglossia]

I've heard you say that before:) Or should I say I read you? lol At least for a short period of time you told me you were feeling okay. Well, you never said you're feeling great but at least it was close to feeling great or so I thought haha! Truth is, I never wanted you to change into a jovial person because it is the morose you that made you the artist that you are.

[kublakhan27]

Oh I'm sure you've heard and read it from me many times my dear :) Yeah it's a fine line between okay and great when it comes to me, and okay is usually the case with me...but it's true, I would not be anywhere near the writer I am today if I didn't have my psyche and a jumbled past (and present) to draw from...silver linings in everything I guess haha ;)

[Rhianne Ney]

Great poem though and nicely written. I hope you continue working wonders, great job. (:

[kublakhan27]

Thank you Rhianne as always...your support definitely goes a long way in pushing me to get better :)

[Rhianne Ney]

(: I'm glad. keep working wonders~

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Loved this one, my friend. Your poetic voice is screaming in soothing verse here. So many great lines...and I sense an undertone of super sensuality for some reason; maybe it's just me. lol Well done!

[kublakhan27]

Haha people do point out that undertone from time to time in, well, almost everything I write...I was just starting to find my own voice around the time this was written, so it's a special one for that reason...thank you Sarah :)

[s y e]

Woo, I loved this, it just calls out your name, well doy! You wrote it, haha. I love how you put a twist on yours words. You always pour heart into your writes, you can tell that, all done with to the fullest. I really loved this, it was a great!

100/100 favs!

[kublakhan27]

Thank you Noodle, your support and enjoyment of my work truly means the world :)

[s y e]

The pleasure is all mine. :)

[Baby Ricochet]

"slim wire hanger by the shoulder fault line" Love that line

[kublakhan27]

Many thanks as always

[Frieda P]

Forget to say I love the Cougar too. ;-)

[kublakhan27]

It will come as no surprise that he was another one of Dad's faves...that's a great album too, one of my own faves ;)

[Frieda P]

Sounds like hanky panky to me...cat got your tongue hon? This is so you, love how you twist your words, they still sing, even if your words get stuck, your heartbeat is always in your poetry. Love it, yes the dress is killer and oh so smooth.

[kublakhan27]

I feel like the cat has been hanging off my tongue for twenty years now :P It's funny that I always think my voice has changed when I go back to these old pieces, but I'm usually reassured that I haven't changed all that much...of course it takes someone who knows me well to notice that ;P And those "dress" lines seem to be far and away the most popular lines ;)

[Frieda P]

I was going to say it's a 'girl' thang, then I noticed that Baby R liked it, not touching that, he's mean, hahaha, I've noticed, it takes your friends to see it, and you know I"m always here for you to tell you what's going on in your own life *laugh* ;-)

[kublakhan27]

No need to fret Mrs.R, I still think it's safe to say it's a girl thing...heck I wish they were all girl things but you get my drift ;P Actually I'll let you in on a little secret...the only RRs I sent this to were my small group of female friends...and yes, I'd probably forget my head was screwed on if not for you sometimes ;)