Hello Mr. Hammer
you come to me
like an athlete in a trade
There's a manager in bed
an owner in my head
and a mandate for madrigal
mechanics
I can't say I don't miss my sickle
and its dutifully sly hook
informing me of fabric
for the taking
over the pedestrian tease
of my self-concealing knees
With a sickle
I could lure in the cargo for superiors
With a hammer
now I see that I can
get a job done myself
So I welcome you aboard
Mr. Hammer
deadline acquisition
Now I know my team of limbs
is in advanced transition
Thank you manager
for bolstering my prospects
Now for playoffs
when the play gets off
on winners' purpose
Now you
come to me my manager
I have a champion
that wants to come
to terms with you
I'm not sure if I should even mention this, but I've been writing for many years and this is the first time I've ever written something with pen in one hand and alcohol in the other...this may be gone in a few hours when I look at it with a level head...till now, I'm putting it out there to see if it makes any sense to anyone, then I'll take it from there...
My Review
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I love that song...just saying ;-) Your first drunken poem? Awesome job. I find writing drunk is just one of those things that happens *laugh* I mean, if it didn't, I wouldn't get much done xD I love the title, too, and that last line...great stuff.
Oh that's one of my favourite songs of all-time and I think it fits ;) I actually don't like alcohol.. read moreOh that's one of my favourite songs of all-time and I think it fits ;) I actually don't like alcohol a great deal so I imagine it will not happen again for a good while even though this one has been fairly well-received...I have other escape routes that do greater favours for me on a creative level ;P
For those that would like to see my comments in their entirety without the site's issues screwing things up:
I'm not sure if I should even mention this, but I've been writing for many years and this is the first time I've ever written something with pen in one hand and alcohol in the other...this may be gone in a few hours when I look at it with a level head...till now, I'm putting it out there to see if it makes any sense to anyone, then I'll take it from there...
i have always said that poetry is 1% inspiration, 1% perspiration and 98% interpretation...
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
Haha I like that philosophy...my sweating usually doesn't start till after I've written something th.. read moreHaha I like that philosophy...my sweating usually doesn't start till after I've written something though, when I'm waiting to find out if I made any sense...
12 Years Ago
*chuckles* this was supposed to be another comment and i put it out as a separate review....have ano.. read more*chuckles* this was supposed to be another comment and i put it out as a separate review....have another beer, quinfinn! hey, you know what they say, "no pain, no gain"
LOL That's okay my friend, you are enlightening me today with some things I'd never thought of...I'd.. read moreLOL That's okay my friend, you are enlightening me today with some things I'd never thought of...I'd say hand me another beer but I've probably tempted fate enough for this week :P
well, i rarely ever sit down to compose without a beer on the table so i have to assume you are welcoming your new writing partner, Mr Hammer. as in let's get hammered...people have no idea what a drunk is...i drink beer all day and never get drunk..(European roots) and some have one cocktail and they get "hammered"....whatever your underlying message here, this is a unique and very entertaining piece of writing, khan. well done.....does your head hurt yet?
You're not gonna believe this, but the "hammered" concept never even entered my mind until just now... read moreYou're not gonna believe this, but the "hammered" concept never even entered my mind until just now...and needless to say it's making me look at my own work in an entirely different light haha I may actually remove my original comments and then see if anyone has any input on it (the formatting is messed up anyway...not a surprise given the things that go on around this site)...my health, and the meds I take because of it, only permits me an occasional drink and I used up a lot of those occasions last night...but when you're stuck pet-sitting at someone's house with a cat in heat, something's gotta give...surprisingly I feel quite fine today haha Thank you Quin :)
12 Years Ago
well, so much for my interpretation! i did enjoy making it lean that way though.
12 Years Ago
Haha no I like your interpretation, it makes perfect sense...I feel clueless for not picking up on i.. read moreHaha no I like your interpretation, it makes perfect sense...I feel clueless for not picking up on it myself...of course I was a little lacking in clues at the time :P
This is very oblique, Kube, but I`ll give it a whirl. Has the multi-faceted man you are found true love, or am I on a wrong-un completely? Whoever or whatever Mr Hammer is,
he seems to be doing you good! Very enjoyable. P.
Haha yeah sorry, I'm not sure if this one is a keeper yet, I'll need more input :P I wouldn't say tr.. read moreHaha yeah sorry, I'm not sure if this one is a keeper yet, I'll need more input :P I wouldn't say true love, but there is a form of love involved, and I was compelled to use tools as symbols...I'm glad (and a little relieved haha) you enjoyed it :)
12 Years Ago
Relieved. I`m a pussycat, man, a pussycat!! I only need good writing to keep me purring. P.
12 Years Ago
Haha my recent writing has not been up to par so I'm kind of grasping for different approaches these.. read moreHaha my recent writing has not been up to par so I'm kind of grasping for different approaches these days...I'm currently looking after a cat in heat, so the last thing I can afford to do is start purring...then again, if it shuts her up, I may try anything...
I truly like your take on the underlying message you're trying to get across here. Mr. Hammer is truly coming to save the day when it counts the most. Great job. :)
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
You've stated the essence of the piece perfectly...thank you my friend :)
My first book is out! Any comments that anyone may have to offer regarding my work would be deeply appreciated, as I'm yet to get a review.
www.amazon.com/Waltz-Around-Swirls-Steven-Fortune/dp.. more..