WHATEVER

12 17 12

Humouring
Fooling
Tonight
they are one
and the same

Just to bemoan
the proximity
of words on paper
to words on a tongue
plants my newborn
despondency
on a mirrored podium
of selfishness

I thought I was
sanctifying
routine breath
and token platitudes
in greasy hand-held
rituals
But just like holy water
sheds its symbolism
and is sucked back
into nature's cycle
the ink I warm
and nurse my words
to health with
will bore itself
into the impermanence
of paper or a monitor
and what I said
will shed the hope
it may have carried
at a time of
hopelessness

Lottery tickets
are what I'm writing
as I sit here
with my skull
swimming in a pillow
of utopia
nursing a ruptured
Narcissism
slashed down
in a war of wills
with your sadness

I was humoured
with your happiness once
and fooled tonight
by your sadness
Nonetheless
I thank your sadness
for a necessary lesson
Clinging to the same numbers
is a Pollyanna policy

Author's Note

I'll go back to this when I have a clearer mind...

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I was humoured
with your happiness once
and fooled tonight
by your saddness -- lovely lines...bittersweet.

Sometimes these lessons are like daggers in the heart, but we must learn them still the same. I think that even without a "clear mind" you have portrayed something I can definitely relate to. I feel the purging in this, and the yearning for understanding and for things to just be "right with the world" in a way.

You twist the knife with this one...and I feel it. Well done.

[kublakhan27]

I guess it's a case of having to experience the bad to know what the good feels like, and having faith in the presence of a balance...I think these are the musings of one who is denied that sense of balance...so glad you can relate to this one, being one of my more reflective pieces in recent months...thank you Sarah :)

[EMMIE]

How moving! I don't see why you should go back to this when your mind is clearer, I believe we write the most powerful poetry when our mind is in a state of chaos. You WILL win ;)

[kublakhan27]

Thank you Emmie, I do appreciate the encouragement, and I have been officially talked out of tinkering with this...Chaos: 1, Retrospection: 0 ;)

[EMMIE]

Alright!!! That's the spirit! Lol

[kublakhan27]

lol ;D

[Phillitup]

You are obviously full of emotions and thoughts currently...why? Is everything okay? I hope your mind clears. Nicely penned.
Best regards,
Dell

[kublakhan27]

Ah there is a lot going on between the ears these days...the predominant theme of this year was loss...I do enjoy Christmas (which seems to put me in a minority among most of the folks I know here) so I think that will be therapeutic, not to mention starting a new year from scratch...many thanks for the compliments and concerns though, they are much appreciated :)

[Phillitup]

sure!

[That_Girl]

Why do you need a clearer mind when this is lovely just as it is? Don't f**k with it, there's no need. I think I like it right now. Not every piece has to have a definite conclusion or a "story". This is good.

[kublakhan27]

Thank you Avy, I do feel better and more confident in the piece knowing that :) I was depressed when I wrote this, in the wake of having let somebody down...I rarely write in this state cuz I can barely hold a pen straight let alone think straight, and when I do write, I always feel the need to go back to it, but usually get talked out of it haha Let's just say I can live with this so long as I don't talk myself into a sequel...

[Pax]

whatever it is, I hope you'll win :D
I don't think there is anything to be change here...
it's already great for you did it with emotions...
impulses of the current state...
again I'm browsing the dictionary for meaning...lol

I thank your sadness
for a necessary lesson
Clinging to the same numbers
is a Pollyanna policy
~ oh... its not just me who is thanking sadness... very well done!

[kublakhan27]

Oh I hope I win as well my friend...but, as the saying goes, you have to learn how to lose before you learn how to win :) It's rare for me to write in the heat of the moment like this but whenever I say I'm going to back and tinker with it, I get talked out of it lol Thank you as always for the compliments :D

[Pax]

your most welcome... i often write like that.... the heat of the moment for the emotion is strong and I'll come back on it later for editing only... the saying is a real say, truth! that's how we learned...

[kublakhan27]

It sounds strange, but it tends to be the other way around for me...I'm such an emotional person that I can barely grip a pen in times of stress, forcing me to wait till the emotion simmers before I can write, then once I go back to edit, I rekindle those emotions in my mind...I'm a person of extreme emotions and extreme contradictions, and that's not just me saying that, I've been told that by others :P But I'm slowly gaining a grasp on how to be emotional and hold a pen at the same time so maybe there's hope for me yet haha :P

[Pax]

haha... me i had a bad case of memory lost ..lol.. coz i tend to easily forget that thoughts and emotions if i would not write it down directly... maybe because i have a very changeable mind..lol.. but its the truth my mind keeps on jumping to thoughts to thoughts and its a crazy messy sitauting in the head... its a jungle mind if i may say...lol...
peotry heals the wouds i think so writing it down will take the uneassiness deep down... you will always have hope in you... don't give up...

[kublakhan27]

Haha I get you :P and thank you as always for the encouragement...it does matter :)

[Pax]

and you see i have lots of typo...a jumbled thoughts indeed..haha..;D
hope you understand it pretty well... your welcome!

[kublakhan27]

Haha no worries, I used to do editing work so I have a habit of proofreading everything I type including my comments here lol...trust me, I have my fair share of typos ;P

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

The dog with the bone, staring at its reflection in the water and seeing the bone thinking, "Mine! Mine! Mine!" The 3rd stanza is really good. Hell, it even makes sense. And then, chance for hope in despair while smiling auto-reflexively. You could continue it but I think the point has been made. But, what do you think?

[kublakhan27]

Haha it almost feels like a bonus when I make unmitigated sense now :P I certainly agree that the point has been made but I'd like to rework some of what is here...mind you, every time I express that intention with a new piece on here, I get talked out of it haha...I'll have to let it sit for a while unless I get a strong impression that people don't want me to tinker with it :P

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T. Serrat]

Here, I would say, a tinker's prerogative rules. :)

[kublakhan27]

lol :)

[Muse]

too many great quotes to quote them all...

Lottery tickets
are what I'm writing

and

I was humoured
with your happiness once
and fooled tonight
by your sadness

Just a couple of my favorites. I call this writing of yours a hodge-podge of emotions. I enjoyed it very much!

[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much :D

[gombeggar]

i think this is fine expression...the stuff i understand...i look forward to you lengthening it because i don't think it's done

[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much...I'm not quite sure what to do with it at this point but I'll think of something.