THE INVALID

03 ?? 01

I.

Still I can't account for her feelings

There was time
there is, and there will be time;
in bed
I can cross no threshold

nor can I engage in funeral games
for the coats of allies lost,
lost to all of us in a shared flash of time
and found on our own
one by one

Thinking is the lone exercise left to me,
my thought is all that's left

still I can't account for her feelings


II.

Windows are kind and conducive to morning,
walls are the stolid antipodes of time

Windows and walls are a human synthesis
and yes
I'm the only one who understands this

The need of a window to feed us the morning
is nothing to them;
no one here is livened by the coming of the sun
only the hastened coming of lust:
the sweet injection given by one timeless frame
and taken by the other
as a wound takes a blade
over and over

over and over
for nothing here is spilled

Death is but a myth
and nature is barren
unlike the morning that I once had


III.

So I am without the morning
(still);
alone in my very own season of darkness

Morning did come to me
at a time when memory
still wore the laurels of gratuity -
I was content - in fact, hell-bent -
on rising deftly with the dawn
before I'd learned to rise for her

I clung to her
saddled to her ivory rays
gripping her sultry ideals
when she took me traveling
through the smug dystopia
of my own absence

ignorance

every memory, every anecdote
a nest housing lines of impertinence
waiting to grow, and wanting to die;
bloodlines were for kin, not I

She was driven
she knew more than I
knew about more than I
so I clung to her
and let her carry me
all the way to the end of life
and this surreal pasture
where I lie awake now
cheated out of day
cheated by the day
thinking
never sleeping
for there's nothing left to dream about
beyond here


IV.

My eyes now
so accustomed to the lack of windows
don't tell me when I'm blinking anymore

I live in the heightened shadow of live burial
with no vital appetite
and no external light to lure the shadow away

and yet
I've more eternal light
than any window could exude
I've as much eternal light
as she who left me here
though not before acquainting me
with these (unsynthesized) walls
that deflect my acquaintances
back at me
(over and over)

So who blinded me
this darkness or the dawn
and if it was the latter,
before or after I outgrew her?
I've always known the morning to sour under grey
but always to return;
is it possible that I had grown enough to blind her
or even enough to taunt the bounds of her perception?
They are not used to that sort of thing around here,
leading one to wonder why I'm still here


V.

They don't change
I don't stop;
why am I still here?

here alone
and where is she?
Out cavorting with immortal youth
(her own kind)
sheathing their immortal thrusts
while I lie here
coated in a grey muck of wrinkles
and matted hair
like one awaiting mummification?
I am her kind
can she hear?
I am her kind
I have her light
(can she hear?)
I do
I am
yet I am naught

I am
we were

Author's Note

Inspired by the Greek myth of Tithonus and Eos.

Where man is not, nature is barren.
- William Blake

To dwell in presence of immortal youth,
Immortal age beside immortal youth,
And all I was, in ashes.
-Lord Tennyson

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

I wish to pen something that is dignified and worthy of this work but I feel inadequate to the task. Blake and Tennyson might reach from beyond to lay hand upon your shoulder in heartfelt companionship. Is it any wonder that there is loneliness for minds that reach between the threads that bind the fabric of humanity to it's own fragile existence? I think not. You may drink unwillingly from cups that show reflections beyond walls and windows, in seeming solitude that only you perceive. But I can assure you only this. For now, you are not alone.

[kublakhan27]

Well, this piece does have a few years on it now, but it remains very relevant to who I am and my place within the human jungle...thankfully you are right in the sense that I am no longer as alone and I do have a few people to lean on when circumstances demand it...it means a great deal to me that you think so much of this work, as I do hold it close to the chest, so to speak lol I have other monologue-type pieces that I've penned more recently but they're based on anime characters and therefore not quite as accessible as the Greek myths...this is the first poem of this type I ever did.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T. Serrat]

I can tell that it was cast upon an ancient firmament with purpose. BTW, should you ever reveal the anime based contrivances then I shall be inexorably lost. Jagged cartoon silhouettes rampaging across kabuki screens only stimulate further my dyslexic sense of interpretation.

[kublakhan27]

Haha yes, anime is an acquired taste, no doubt about that...still, it beats the hell out of Spongebob and Zim in terms of mental substance LOL

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T. Serrat]

Well! I am compelled to uphold the honor and dignity of Spongebob fans everywhere. Cooking spatulas and condiment squirters at arm's length. How's daybreak work for you? (Hmm, but where on Earth, which day break? Gary? [Meroww.])

[kublakhan27]

I actually liked the first season...I thought it was cute at the time...now the briefest exposure to that voice makes my ears bleed x_x

[Rhianne Ney]

I love the way you wrote this poem and I figured out your style quickly... Keep writing;D

[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much :)

[Rhianne Ney]

You're welcomezzz

[afra]

Oh wOw ...its was amazing ...good job

[kublakhan27]

Thank you I appreciate that^^

[Belinda]

Poetry isn't my strong suit, but I can see it most certainly is yours! I can only hope to phrase words as beautifully as yours one day! BRAVO!

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much :D And don't worry, I've been doing it for a lot of years now...I'm hardly a natural lol

[Ella]

Oh wow... I don't know what else to say. Amazing! Beautiful! Spectacular! Another stunning job Stevie :)

[kublakhan27]

Thank you so much :)

[Ella]

Youre welcome :)

[SmileBig :)]

This is wonderful :)

[kublakhan27]

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it :)

[MOON]

You are a fine poet my friend to take the Greek myth and write such inspired verses , poignant lonely words of outgrowing and longing and loss . Lovely

[kublakhan27]

Thank you as always for the support and compliments...they mean a lot^^

[Brandon Mathis]

great write its really good

[kublakhan27]

Thank you^^

[Abdul Batin Osman Bey]

I can see the style of Blake and Tennyson, it reads much from that era, I liked the overall feeling.

[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much...most of my favourites come out of that era^^