THE INVALID

03 ?? 01

I.

Still I can't account for her feelings

There was time
there is, and there will be time;
in bed
I can cross no threshold

nor can I engage in funeral games
for the coats of allies lost,
lost to all of us in a shared flash of time
and found on our own
one by one

Thinking is the lone exercise left to me,
my thought is all that's left

still I can't account for her feelings


II.

Windows are kind and conducive to morning,
walls are the stolid antipodes of time

Windows and walls are a human synthesis
and yes
I'm the only one who understands this

The need of a window to feed us the morning
is nothing to them;
no one here is livened by the coming of the sun
only the hastened coming of lust:
the sweet injection given by one timeless frame
and taken by the other
as a wound takes a blade
over and over

over and over
for nothing here is spilled

Death is but a myth
and nature is barren
unlike the morning that I once had


III.

So I am without the morning
(still);
alone in my very own season of darkness

Morning did come to me
at a time when memory
still wore the laurels of gratuity -
I was content - in fact, hell-bent -
on rising deftly with the dawn
before I'd learned to rise for her

I clung to her
saddled to her ivory rays
gripping her sultry ideals
when she took me traveling
through the smug dystopia
of my own absence

ignorance

every memory, every anecdote
a nest housing lines of impertinence
waiting to grow, and wanting to die;
bloodlines were for kin, not I

She was driven
she knew more than I
knew about more than I
so I clung to her
and let her carry me
all the way to the end of life
and this surreal pasture
where I lie awake now
cheated out of day
cheated by the day
thinking
never sleeping
for there's nothing left to dream about
beyond here


IV.

My eyes now
so accustomed to the lack of windows
don't tell me when I'm blinking anymore

I live in the heightened shadow of live burial
with no vital appetite
and no external light to lure the shadow away

and yet
I've more eternal light
than any window could exude
I've as much eternal light
as she who left me here
though not before acquainting me
with these (unsynthesized) walls
that deflect my acquaintances
back at me
(over and over)

So who blinded me
this darkness or the dawn
and if it was the latter,
before or after I outgrew her?
I've always known the morning to sour under grey
but always to return;
is it possible that I had grown enough to blind her
or even enough to taunt the bounds of her perception?
They are not used to that sort of thing around here,
leading one to wonder why I'm still here


V.

They don't change
I don't stop;
why am I still here?

here alone
and where is she?
Out cavorting with immortal youth
(her own kind)
sheathing their immortal thrusts
while I lie here
coated in a grey muck of wrinkles
and matted hair
like one awaiting mummification?
I am her kind
can she hear?
I am her kind
I have her light
(can she hear?)
I do
I am
yet I am naught

I am
we were

Author's Note

Inspired by the Greek myth of Tithonus and Eos.

Where man is not, nature is barren.
- William Blake

To dwell in presence of immortal youth,
Immortal age beside immortal youth,
And all I was, in ashes.
-Lord Tennyson

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

I wish to pen something that is dignified and worthy of this work but I feel inadequate to the task. Blake and Tennyson might reach from beyond to lay hand upon your shoulder in heartfelt companionship. Is it any wonder that there is loneliness for minds that reach between the threads that bind the fabric of humanity to it's own fragile existence? I think not. You may drink unwillingly from cups that show reflections beyond walls and windows, in seeming solitude that only you perceive. But I can assure you only this. For now, you are not alone.

[kublakhan27]

Well, this piece does have a few years on it now, but it remains very relevant to who I am and my place within the human jungle...thankfully you are right in the sense that I am no longer as alone and I do have a few people to lean on when circumstances demand it...it means a great deal to me that you think so much of this work, as I do hold it close to the chest, so to speak lol I have other monologue-type pieces that I've penned more recently but they're based on anime characters and therefore not quite as accessible as the Greek myths...this is the first poem of this type I ever did.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T. Serrat]

I can tell that it was cast upon an ancient firmament with purpose. BTW, should you ever reveal the anime based contrivances then I shall be inexorably lost. Jagged cartoon silhouettes rampaging across kabuki screens only stimulate further my dyslexic sense of interpretation.

[kublakhan27]

Haha yes, anime is an acquired taste, no doubt about that...still, it beats the hell out of Spongebob and Zim in terms of mental substance LOL

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T. Serrat]

Well! I am compelled to uphold the honor and dignity of Spongebob fans everywhere. Cooking spatulas and condiment squirters at arm's length. How's daybreak work for you? (Hmm, but where on Earth, which day break? Gary? [Meroww.])

[kublakhan27]

I actually liked the first season...I thought it was cute at the time...now the briefest exposure to that voice makes my ears bleed x_x

[Sophy Freebirds]

Tithonus- Titan of Dawn. Victim of Eos's lust kidnapped with ganymede and reduced to cicada. What a pathetic fate. "I can't enjoy funerl games"- depicts how desperate he is for death but it never will come for him. Eos forgot to ask Zeus for immortal youth concerning him.And here in rots behind thee silver gates.
"She took me travelling through my own dyatopia of my absence... space IGNORANCE.it enhances the psycho analytical nature of the poem.Then the rhetorical question"where is she"- answer- coverting in her immortal youth.The bitterness!! Gosh!! An exquisite piece of mythology K.K .. commendable work ;)

~Sophy

[kublakhan27]

I could not imagine him being lonely or sad, I could only picture him being resentful and bitter...seems as though I can never escape those emotions haha This was written way back in 2001 for a mythology class and it's the first time I wrote a myth-based piece...obviously I was still trying to find my poetic voice, which is probably why every part has a different style...so glad you enjoyed it, thank you Sophy :)

[Sophy Freebirds]

Ohh you're welcome.. i was in grade one back then.. lol

[kublakhan27]

Haha I don't know where all of the time has went, it still seems like yesterday...by the way I just wanted to mention that the other link I sent is a much more recent piece, and much more in tune with my poetic voice ;)

[Androglossia]

Time has its own way of interfering mankind and interfer it will without empathy nor attribution. Little did man know, time is his worse enemy. It can break his strongest barrier and take what he have. It cheats but it doesn't lie. And when it comes for us or for the ones precious to us, we need to recognize its strength for recognizing its power is the only way for us to understand and accept.

Do I need to remind you that I don't read Greek myth? Of course you knew:) My take could be something far off but it is full of honesty.

My friend, there is a lot of emotion on here masked with fine words and famous myth but he who feels, sees.

[kublakhan27]

Eos was a goddess who had a thing for mortal men, Tithonus in particular, so she asked Zeus to grant him immortality...he reluctantly did so, but Eos forgot to ask that he retain his youthful looks, so he continued to grow old perpetually while she went off to look for new young mortals to court.

That's the myth in a nutshell haha Having said that, it doesn't diminish your ideas in the least...you gave this a purely human perspective, which I'm happy for cuz I was hoping someone would do that...it's actually the reason I didn't explain the myth, cuz I wanted to leave the door open for that purely human element...and when you take the mythology out of this piece, it does become a statement on our love-hate relationship with time...you have a knack for reading between my lines and coming up with some of the things I had in mind when I write a particular piece but kept to myself :) Thank you Maryanne :)

[Frieda P]

Alright, you've made me gasp, I've told you that you're genius plenty of times but this is a masterpiece of epic proportions my friend...you know the parts of this that resonates in my bones. I could quote this entire piece of work but I'll refrain.

I live in the heightened shadow of live burial
with no vital appetite
and no external light to lure the shadow away

That is a poem within itself, so much here to devour, I took this one down with gusto indeed. Can't say enough Steve. Outstanding!

[kublakhan27]

So glad you like it Mrs.R, I guess you could call this my magnum opus ;P I knew there were parts that would resonate with you...I'm still smiling as I take in the words you've left here...thank you Frieda :)

[Frieda P]

You made Mrs R proud, I'm gloating, it's ridiculous ;-)

[kublakhan27]

Haha well someone has to do the gloating, it can't be shy little me ;P Always glad to know I make you proud ;)

[Frieda P]

You're all grown up now Benji ;-P

[kublakhan27]

Haha Finally...surely I haven't lost any of my youthful innocence though? ;)

[Frieda P]

Haha to Mrs R, you'll always be the innocent. ;-P

[kublakhan27]

Benji can live with that ;)

[KAOlmsted]

I think you get a perverse thrill out of making me gobsmack ;-) This is truly brilliant. My favorite lines:

"Morning did come to me
at a time when memory
still wore the laurels of gratuity -"

Still...you turn me on ;-)

[kublakhan27]

Haha yeah, it's fun doing that ;) Thank you my dear, glad you like it :)

[KAOlmsted]

I knew it ;-) Always my pleasure, Steve...xoxo

[kublakhan27]

;) xoxo

[That_Girl]

Dude... if my brain could come up with HALF the s**t yours does... I'd be pimping myself out. (poetically of course...) Seriously... damn.

Favorite part? Last two lines. ;)

[kublakhan27]

LOL Thank you Avy, that means a lot :) But I think this just goes to show how uneventful my school life was, and why I would relate to this particular guy O_o I don't know if I had a favourite part before, but I can award that title to the last two lines now as well ;)

[That_Girl]

lol maybe. :p You're welcome. :)

[.]

A long but awesome poem! Worth reading every word! :D 100/100

[kublakhan27]

Thank you so much :D

[.]

Ur welcome! :D

[Castonovia]

Truly exquisite, I love Greek myths and this being about Tithonus and Eos, well penned... drinking from the cup of immortality, but years being leeched so age ripens and saps beauty away to remain a wizened husk of existence... barely movable ;) The different cycles you went through in this woven tale, the deep set loneliness, the timeless quality, and being immortal yet entirely different, well penned indeed!!!

[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much :) This was a long-term project indeed...there isn't a whole lot of wiggle room when tackling the Greek myths...you have to try to put your own spin on it without tinkering with the myth itself. I'm going to attempt another one sometime but I just haven't picked one yet...I'm fascinated by the be-careful-what-you-wish-for motif and have written a few things with it in mind but if there's any story that really nails that motif, it's the Tithonus/Eos myth :)

[Muse]

The skill behind this poem...amazing. It stands alone, not pictures, not sound, non of this is needed to feel pure emotion. I like your use of vocabulary, in some ways too it felt like a sonnet.

So who blinded me
this darkness or the dawn
and if it was the latter,
before or after I outgrew her?
I've always known the morning to sour under grey
but always to return;
is it possible that I had grown enough to blind her
or even enough to taunt the bounds of her perception?
They are not used to that sort of thing around here,
leading one to wonder why I'm still here

the line:

before or after I outgrew her

This line struck my inner core.

So much talent shown in this writing...I don't even know where to begin. Just stunning! 100/100

[kublakhan27]

Thank you so much...that means a lot :)

[Poison Ivy]

the beginning was very captivating. and the rest of it was so worth reading.

[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much^^

[The Random Writings Of ..]

This piece is one that I cannot get out of my head. It has a somberness to it that leaves a void deep inside you as you read through it. I am not sure if that was your intention. The piece is so deep and so very intense. And I have to agree with UfoAuthor, I don't think I could ever write anything to compare, although it would be a great accomplishment.
This piece is a rare tale - the title Invalid I think fits perfectly. Because as I read this, as I said the void is left - or is it some type of a deep loneliness and despair.
I like how this is divided into separate sections. It is like going through different phases of the thoughts, the existence. Bringing the piece to the full circle.
This person - her? The immortals, her kind, your kind. Very intense. Again, this piece blows my mind. I have read it a few times, only because there is so much being said. This is so well written and I have to say, this is one of my favorites that you have written. Thank you for sharing.
((hugs))

[kublakhan27]

You know, I'm really not sure what I was aiming for lol Of course I can't deny the presence of loneliness in a lot of stuff I do, especially in earlier stuff :P And this particular story spoke to me on some level...and when I decided I was gonna write about it, it more or less separated itself into those sections...it's hard to explain lol But I'm happy to know that it has resonated as deeply as it has, and of course, I'm happy you like it *hugs*

[The Random Writings Of Me..Kates]

As always you are so welcome! Your pieces are always a pleasure! When I get them in my RR I love to see what you have come up with next! You have an amazing talent and I know I tell you this a lot, but it's true my friend :)