I WROTE SOMETHING

02 21 11

I banished my muse
to mute-happy land
erased what I felt
and wrote what I knew
an epic that would have compelled you
to fondle my hair and undress
my identity girdled in crisis
something that would have unfurled
the fist of your heart
and pumped it with pulse
I wrote what would make you speak
But how many epics are there in our world
exiled in drawers and attics
versed in the ominous dust of the right time
maybe unearthed past the prime of their worth
if only to lure the lucre of royalty
to the unearther
With destinies lost in each other's translation
loneliness penetrates me like a heroin needle
for you'll never read
the epic I wrote for you

Author's Note

A revamped version of "When I Was Young."

Reviews

[TLK]

"something that would have unfurled
the fist of your heart
and pumped it with pulse" -- excellent. I love the feeling of your authorial agency over someone else's heart.



"loneliness penetrates me like a heroin needle
for you'll never read
the epic I wrote for you"

The 'heroin needle' is an excellent metonym -- it brings to mind the shame of addiction, the uncontrollable nature of habit, and the jerking joy of the opiate hit.

It really grounds the whole poem in a dramatic kind of emptiness.

[kublakhan27]

Yes, one must be cautious when dealing with strangers...it's very easy to fall in with the wrong crowd...again, I'm glad you were able to really tap into the emotional core of my works and thank you :)

[TLK]

I'll keep reading, this is good stuff.

[kublakhan27]

Thank you for the support, and I do intend to work my way through your catalogue as well...it may not be today but certainly within the next few days^^

[TLK]

Don't sweat it. My little bovine words can wait. They have endless fields of commas to eat in the meantime.

[kublakhan27]

Haha yes commas can be mischievous little tykes at times.

[Aubrai]

Give me time, I'm going to analyze this first. Word for word, line after line.

[Pete Langley]

I don`t write much introspective poetry because I know how hard it is to write successfully, but you`ve cracked it with this one, I think,, Steve. How many times do we miss the opportunity to voice our real thoughts and feelings when we have them, instead of locking them away to revamp them retrospectively - as if the acute emotion is too sharp to air? P.

[kublakhan27]

You hit the nail on the head my friend...I didn't really "know" anything when I first started writing, including myself...heck I'm still trying to figure that out to this day haha But I figured that's where I had to start if I was ever going to write about anything around me...looking at this now, I can't believe I wrote it way back in '97...the first four lines were the only part I re-wrote last year...it still feels like I only wrote it yesterday, but I'm sure that's due to the fact that I haven't changed a whole lot since...it's largely a reflection of my shyness, and only the fifth or sixth thing I ever wrote, and the first one that felt like a real poem...I have held a lot of things in over the years, some of which are too late to let out now, and others I'm still trying to get out...for all of these reasons, I hold this piece close to my heart...I'm so glad you were able to tap into it with the precision that you have...thank you Pete.

[Frieda P]

Oddly arousing, maybe since you've asked to be undressed and those drawers in your attic are compelling to say the least. Always a deep read, where's this epic piece you wrote for me? This is more flowing than most of your reads, I guess all that undressing, allowed you to let your hair down. I just hope you didn't have a hair product in your locks whilst we were messing with it.

[kublakhan27]

That's cool cuz I think I was going for odd arousal haha I do know that this is one of my very first forays into allegory...a lot of people have asked why I don't write like this all the time but this comes for a younger and more innocent time...my resignation hadn't graduated to all-out resentment yet :P But all in all, this piece was more about loneliness than mystery...my hair is long enough now that it has to be jelled back before my mask goes on but that was not the case at the time ;P

[Frieda P]

You must teach me that one...how does one go about doing that intentionally I wonder...also warn me before you get to 'all out resentment' I'll meet with my therapist first before I read you. ;-P

[kublakhan27]

I have no idea, it was so long ago ;P No need to worry about the resentment thing, you're safe from that...I'd keep that therapist handy though, there's always a chance you'll need it with me around...

[Frieda P]

Wait...I thought this was therapy.... ;-)

[kublakhan27]

No, this is healing :)

[Frieda P]

101? ;-P

[Frieda P]

When do we graduate?

[kublakhan27]

Hmm I don't know, I haven't been released from detention yet...

[Frieda P]

ha...is that where they strap those straight jackets on your arse ;-)

[kublakhan27]

Haha No, my mouth...how do you think I became such a brilliant wordsmith? ;P

[Frieda P]

haha so that's your secret, damn! ;-)

[kublakhan27]

Haha yeah as long as they don't start cutting limbs off, I'll find a way to get words out ;)

[Frieda P]

yikes, since when do you do horror genre?

[kublakhan27]

Since I learned to stop thinking out loud ;P

[Frieda P]

hahahaha

[kublakhan27]

;)

[Frieda P]

You could arrested for that you know? ;-P

[kublakhan27]

For thinking out loud? Yeah that's why I had to stop ;P

[Frieda P]

Well it depends on what you're thinking, otherwise people just think you're a nutter...

[kublakhan27]

I have a feeling it's not an either/or option for me...

[Frieda P]

Lol!!!

[kublakhan27]

;D

[KAOlmsted]

Now I want to read this epic masterpiece ;-) Tease!

But you know what? This actually makes me want to fondle your hair and undress your identity, so...I guess you win anyway. Excellent write.

-kimmer

[kublakhan27]

LOL I could say they're all masterpieces but it's not my kind of humour...though anything that involves fondling and undressing, I'll go along with ;P Seriously though I'm glad you like it...it's the first free-verse thing I ever wrote many moons ago :)

[KAOlmsted]

Well done (she said, fondling his hair...)

;-)

[kublakhan27]

Haha will I get that response if I write more ;)

[KAOlmsted]

Only one way to find out ;-)

*laugh* God, I don't do flirty very well...just ignore me :-D

[kublakhan27]

Haha Don't worry, my keyboard is like alcohol...I am unspeakably braver, and more interesting, behind my keyboard than I am in the flesh ;D

[KAOlmsted]

I know what you mean...when I talk to people--like TALK to people--I have a hard time articulating my thoughts, and invariably some smart a*s will say, "And you're a writer?" *laugh*

[kublakhan27]

LOL At least you get that comment...people just think I'm generally weird, and if they see my writing they think I'm weirder :P I think people see me as a split personality, which I can't really argue with :)

[KAOlmsted]

You're so weird ;-)

:-D

[kublakhan27]

Haha thank you, I'll take it as a compliment ;D

[KAOlmsted]

Good; that's what it was ;-)

[kublakhan27]

lol *sigh of relief* ;)

[Kenneth The Poet]

A very good re-vamp.

[kublakhan27]

Many thanks, this is actually a third version of this one...it's a bit of a splice between the first two

[Kenaz]

To the library with you.

[kublakhan27]

Many thanks^^

[Emma Lee-Riviera]

O_O You have a gift. Seriously. I'm in awe of your imagery, as it takes the soul and gives it wings. *applause* Beautiful, my darling.

[kublakhan27]

Thank you so much...that means a lot :)

[Eloha]

I could relate to this quite deeply, thank you.

[kublakhan27]

You're very welcome^^

[Destinyxi]

Honestly, this is so far my favorite poem you've ever written, not because I actually understand this one (which I do), but the flow of it, the words, the meaning. How long did it take you to write this one?

[kublakhan27]

Oh my, I think I wrote the first version around 1998...it was one the first things I ever wrote...I decided to resurrect it last summer and I spent two or three days on it, which seems like a good idea now cuz it seems to be one of my most popular things...I'm glad to know it's your favourite by me :)

[Destinyxi]

I love all your work honey, but this one stood out to me. :)

[kublakhan27]

*hugs* and I'm glad you do :)