ROAMER'S CHORUS

06 28 10

A penny to a well
is how my hand goes to your waist
to campaign for animation
of the sway that fear erased
Does longing have a vocal
independent from the rules of rhyme
not a pendulum but a sundial
to unfurl the time
I venture to divine from
our elastic history
Should I try to hang a note
or will you drum it shut on me?

Reviews

[Pax]

"Does longing have a vocal"
~just great...a beautiful write...short and brief...with a profound sadness...

[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much^^

[Ella]

I think I like it... Truthfully I am confused by it, though I bet that is my fault since I just woke up.
It seems really good anyways! :D If I was awake I would probably love it! xD

[kublakhan27]

Haha that's okay, I seem to have a talent for confusing people...I'm glad you think you like it though :D

[Ella]

I was so out of it this morning xD

[kublakhan27]

lol Mornings are like that sometimes :)

[Ella]

Lol, most of my mornings are like that xD Especially when I got to bed at 2 and get up at 8.

[kublakhan27]

I'm almost the opposite...it's takes me till 5 or 6 to get to sleep, then I'm up at 1 or 2, at least on the days I don't have to get up early. But I'm an insomniac so I'm used to it lol

[Ella]

I have insomniac tendencies sooo... I usually can't fall asleep for two hours when I actually go to bed sooo, it's annoying. Haha.

[kublakhan27]

Haha yeah I know the feeling...I do have meds to help me relax at night but they don't always work...actually they didn't work last night cuz I was up till 6 but I was also working on a poem so that kept me up too :P

[Ella]

I dont have meds. Id have to tell someone then.

[kublakhan27]

Oh I see...I got to a point where I didn't have much of a choice.

[Ella]

Ah, I hate when that happens. Live with me for a month and you'll see why there isn't a choice to tell.

[Poison Ivy]

the opening line is so good here, works perfectly in tying the reader into another world

[kublakhan27]

Many thanks^^

[MOON]

Great flowing write I Like the word choice and imagery.

[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much^^

[Castonovia]

Toying words flowing together so divinely and fluently, well penned, it's got great rhythm ;)

[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much :D

[Castonovia]

My pleasure ;p

[B-poet]

Very catchy and creative. I like the subtly of poignant and profound diction. Great write. :)

[kublakhan27]

Many thanks :)

[demureminds]

I liked the flow and use of metaphors. Well written (:

[kublakhan27]

Thank you :)

[cilla]

An interesting poem ... but since you have chosen to use a rhyme scheme why not try using measured lines ... meter? Like ...

A wishing penny to a well
is how my hand goes to your waist
to campaign for animation
of the sway that fear has erased

Two added words and you have four lines of 8 beats (syllables). Meter gives the poem a natural rhythm and since you've already gone to so much trouble (work) spend a little more time and make it perfect,

Good stuff, this is ... nice touch of humor!

[kublakhan27]

Thank you :) I use all kinds of different meters actually...I'm sure I have at least one here that follows that scheme lol I think I was just going for a general flow on this one and letting the syllables sort themselves out...

[EMMIE]

Such a great, great flow I read this without stopping lol. Very intimate and great use of wording awesome job!

[kublakhan27]

Thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed it :)

[Kenneth The Poet]

Found via my news feed, must say I am impressed. Great work here.

[kublakhan27]

Thank you :)