FLIGHT OF THE TWILIT SENTINEL: Episode One

See notes below. Opening quote is pretty well known, but for the sake of context (and copyrights), I should point out it's from William Wordsworth's poem of the same name.

EPISODE ONE: Existence

"I wandered lonely as a cloud..."

    It was a simile that could have conjured profundity in any of the trio of realms that comprised the Grand Universe.  But the realm from which it originated was the most logical hub for its coining.  It was borne of the land beneath the clouds, the land in which its natives raise their heads to contemplate those very clouds and their shapes, patterns, paths, and any other manner of wonder they formulated in the minds of the most grounded of peoples: inhabitants of the land referred to as The Earth, which in itself houses the closest equivalent of shared existence between the realms. 
   
    It is the most picturesque of Earthen countries, with velvet fields of beige and green, offering up a sense-feeding potpourri of vegetations, architectures, and scores of species that do not graduate from the class of Legend beyond its borders, not even to the other land-based civilizations of the vast, waterlogged Earth.  It is the country of Hyrule, and though it was and remains unbeknownst to its residents, it is a land whose history is not tied down by the gravity that keeps its people from discovering the evidence that would give incontrovertible credence to its lore.
   
    Earthens in all regions, but the Hylians in particular, have formulated a veritable compendium of lore, including stories that slid beneath recorded history's back door upon an oral sprint through the foggy forest of natural - inevitable - ignorance.  The Hylians have produced The Earth's most vibrantly-detailed and tightly-plotted mythologies; in time, they will long to trade in the revealed realism of that vibrancy for a one-age-fits-all refitting of the ignorance in which they were clothed for so long. 

         Above the Earthen clouds, and above the atmospheric ceiling painting their sky with seeming blue infinity, can be found an approximation of the parallel universe believed in, dismissed, contemplated, and debated by the Earthens for as long as they have coveted intelligence.  The residents of this approximately parallel universe called their home Skyloft, the middle tier of the Grand Universe.  To the remaining few who remember how spirited and spiritual Skyloft was before The Change, it is known now simply as the City In The Sky.

    Clouds were to Skylofters what oceans are to Earthens.  Loneliness is not limited to The Earth, nor is self-reflection, apparent symptoms of a lengthened stare-off with an apparently infinite scene.  From the meshy white vantage point moving weather occasionally brought, no Skylofter with any semblance of an educated guess could discern from the City's inscrutable height the murky spin-top of bleeding colours and its purpose so far beneath the geography of their own perceived monopoly of existence.

         Skyloft was allotted the unfortunate fate of having an evolutionary leg up on The Earth by virtue of being the first realm to be visited by the top tier, a place and a people lonelier than any cloud, lonelier than the sky itself.  Their sky offers no reflection of a mysterious-older-sibling fascination, or at least an upstairs neighbour to gossip about.  What it does offer is infinity; the universe's only true awareness of it, and not in the blue that alternates between light and dark hues in tune with the carousel flights of Skyloft and The Earth around the sun, the yellowy white orb of heat and light from which both realms derived their most necessary resources.  This realm lay perched far beyond the blue dome that was home to the cycles of life defining the existences of Skyloft and The Earth, and far beyond even a hint of the light emitted from their sun.  It is not so much a sky as a void that envelops this high realm in abstract black, and not so much a patchwork of clouds as a powdery haze of burgundy and burnt gold that hovers below its continental edges like a cosmic mattress.  This haze is to them what The Earth was to Skyloft.  This outpost of a realm is known to its creators as the Land Of Twilight.

Author's Note

The overwhelming response to the prelude of this piece was that it was too wordy and not entirely accessible in light of the circumstances I outlined in the comments there. This is why I hardly ever write prose though...the only way I know how to write is in poetically, and one of the hardest things for a writer (or maybe just me) to do is scale back the vocabulary of something that was laboured over in the fashion this story has been. So even though I'm substantially proud of how this is going, it has gotten little love beyond the bit of love it's gotten here (which I'm unspeakably grateful for of course :) ). I'm now in the sucking-up process of that reality.

Reviews

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Very interesting thought, that there could be people dwelling in the sky as they do on the ground. fun concept

[kublakhan27]

Glad you enjoyed it Speedy, thank you :)

[Seyi Ojenike]

Lovely

[kublakhan27]

Thank you^^

[quixotic_rose]

It's definitely interesting, a little wordy as said, but overall I liked it :) The comparisons you give are almost like a realistic fantasy and I find that really intriguing :) good work!

[kublakhan27]

Thanks :D I'm actually pretty sure I'm gonna scrap the prose edition and try to poetize it...that seems to be the only way I know how to write :P

[quixotic_rose]

whatever you choose to do with this, I'll support it I'm sure :)

[kublakhan27]

Awesome, I appreciate your support immensely :D I don't really wanna do it but when everyone that reads it says the same thing, it obviously isn't gonna work as it is, much to my chagrin lol

[quixotic_rose]

well why don't you keep it, and also put up your poetized form. don't get rid of it just yet!

[kublakhan27]

I'm thinking about that too...it's a conundrum LOL

[quixotic_rose]

WE HAD A MIND CONNECTION!!!! :D its quite the simple conundrum, just go for it and see how it turns out. no harm with both of them

[kublakhan27]

Indeed :D If I'm non-lazy enough over the next bit I might finish the story lol

[quixotic_rose]

that sounds like me haha, im still working on a story and its been like three weeks. I'm just LAZY! :) join the laziness haha

[kublakhan27]

Haha :)

[Brandon Mathis]

I thought it was fine but i'm use to just poetry

[kublakhan27]

Thank you^^ I've actually given up on this story and I may try to convert it into a poem later since that's the only way I seem to know how to write, and my poetry has always been a lot more popular.

[Ryan Zeller]

Your note mentioned that the overture was thought to be too wordy. This probably isn't what you want to hear, but I got the feeling that this chapter still suffers from the same problem. It's definitely a challenge jumping from poetry to prose, but hopefully there's some tips I can give.

When writing prose, heavy description should be the spice in your dish. Your fanciest language should be used sparingly. Use that language where it counts, like during the end of a chapter that has a really meaningful ending, or a scene that it supposed to have a lot of emotional impact. If you're talking about something more straightforward, use straightforward language. Pretend you're telling the story in real life to a friend, and use the words that come naturally. They can still be polished, but generally simple. As Shakespeare wrote, "Brevity is the soul of wit."

Something else I wanted to mention: I'm a huge Legend of Zelda fan. I've been playing those games since I was a toddler, so I'm sure I got more out of this chapter than non-gamers would. However, there's an inherent problem with that statement. Everyone should be able to get the most out of your writing, and that's typically the problem with fanfiction-esque writing.

It's tough to tell a person to scrap a piece entirely, especially because I think you are a talented writer. But I think you would be better off focusing that talent on a more original story. I would love to see what you can come up with from scratch.

[kublakhan27]

Thanks for all the help...I'll see what I can do^^

[Ryan Zeller]

No problem. If you'd like me to take a look at anything else feel free to send a read request or a message.

[kublakhan27]

Cool^^