AMENDS

02 04 - 09 04 04

I.

One hand fights off the nature
like a mad scientist
One thumb seeks out the tight mouth
instructing with a lisp
I have no feelings in my hand
it was invaded by trust
My conscience sent my friends a proxy
working under codename Lust
I had to snatch security
from sleeping enemies
I am far too insecure now
to claim friends
A slave to change I've been since
I've been all alone but happy
Change insinuated there was someone there
with whom to make amends

II.

I now tend to this high pad
like a thane's pre-kingdom castle
with a gleaming knife and guilty conscience
for all visitors who bring a hassle
My tub's too small to take a bath
This is no place to lay down still and naked
And those who come in need of cleansing are too late
if all they've done to date is fake it
But I myself do nothing free
of order, save to breath the air
An act of conscience of necessity?
It just depends
A twisted feel I need to survey these conditions
and my place within, and while it's at it
tap the shoulder of the one
with whom to make amends

III.

I call it the hermit's apartment
Tempt me not with too high an escarpment
for I'm as drawn to gravity as rain
cried from a sky depressed and inclement
or the high priest of hedonists
who hurls at the sun a conscience
that is neither his nor his flock's alone
but a ball of both stitched together with their sins
And like the priest I must look up
instead of straight ahead
Who knows which one extreme he craves
out of the pair which he attends?
And if his sun does not
incinerate the evidence
and the hermit's apartment shrinks into a plank
will there be enough time for them to make amends?

IV.

The sight that feeds the clean and sober
mind dishes up a dirty world
Sweet marinara, chocolate icing
bubbles into toxin when unfurled
in the wavy borders of the body
Open every orifice as wide as will be spread
It doesn't matter for the acid will supress itself
and live in those who stop at wishing they were dead
So do you want a healthy body
or a healthy mind
Think about it; time betrays
an exerciser who pretends
to be fit and be able to exterminate
the devils of contention
making all acquaintances believe as well
as see the gift to make amends

Reviews

[Mercury Rising]

Hmmm. Thought provoking, most definitely! Great poem, and looks like you worked hard on it too.

Making amends isn't always the best thing, perhaps, especially if a person is dealing with someone who abused them (sexually, emotionally, economically, or physically). It's better to forgive them rather than confront them with that idea in mind. The one in the wrong should make amends, and then each go their separate ways without continuing the relationship.

On the flip-side to this, however, if two people have wronged each other in some way, and they've been longtime friends prior to the incident, then making amends is rightly in order based upon that past friendship. Sometimes it's difficult to move through, but why would two friends apologise and say they forgive, only to go their separate ways forever? I think that's so sad when it happens between people who once really did care about each other. To me, that is far from making amends! :) (Sorry for being so opinionated!:))

[kublakhan27]

Haha It's quite alright my friend, I like when my writing stirs up opinions in people, and I agree with all you've said...for the record, I spent parts of seven months on this...over half a year...to this day it's one of the longest stints I've ever spent on a poem. So glad I was able to stir up so much emotion with this piece my friend, and thank you for the in-depth review, it means a lot :)

[Raymond Federle]

An awesome write!...... :)

[kublakhan27]

So glad you enjoyed it my friend, many thanks :)

[Blue]

An amazing write that showcased your mastery of word usage. Well done, Steve. You've got intellectually-stimulating processes going on inside that genius brain of yours. :)

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much Arzel, you've made my day with your kind words...I am truly humbled :)

[AYVID N]

An intriguing write on change and what it means to the poet....

A great writing on emotional issues on trust, security, a hermit opening up to the world and in general facing life in all it's bitterness and acidity. Given the issues, care is to be taken where and to whom to make amends.....


"So do you want a healthy body
or a healthy mind
Think about it; time betrays
an exerciser who pretends
to be fit and be able to exterminate
the devils of contention
making all acquaintances believe as well
as see the gift to make amends"


Indeed, Time betrays the best of them...


Very interesting and I read it more than once to absorb the full essence of the write. Thanks for sharing...

[kublakhan27]

So glad you enjoyed it Divya, thank you :) This one took forever to write.

[Rita L. Sev]

Always seeking to apologize, as if that will somehow erase every mistake and fix what's broken. As for the question of a healthy body or a health mind, you make a good point - our bodies will betray us in the end. Bits of your poetry always stay with me, Steve...

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much Rita, I'm happy to be able to do that...to this day, this is the most time I've spent on anything I've ever written, parts of nine months...I don't know if I have that patience anymore haha :)

[Pryde Foltz]

Think about it; time betrays
an exerciser who pretends
to be fit and be able to exterminate
the devils of contention
making all acquaintances believe as well
as see the gift to make amends

Bit of a masterpiece, here, Steve. Loved this volumed piece, transportive.

[kublakhan27]

So glad you enjoyed it Pryde...I spent parts of nine months on this one so it was definitely a labour of love. Thank you as always for the kind words.

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

Brilliantly written. :-D you have some great talent. :-)

Kaze~

[kublakhan27]

I'm humbled by your kind words Kaze, thanks so much :)

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

Your very welcome. :-)

[Lyn Anderson]

I like the form, structure, and premise of this poem. Great word usage and imagery here.

[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much KL

[jacob erin-cilberto]

boy, speaking of insecure...and always feeling apologetic?

this poem pegs me to a tee...

how did you know?

[kublakhan27]

We relate to each other a great deal Jacob...our respective poetry provides pretty conclusive evidence of that. So glad you enjoyed it and could relate to it.

[Anand Sehgal]

I am far too insecure now
to claim friends
A slave to change I've been since
I've been all alone but happy

A post-modern problem that has surfaced as individuality is more prominent nowadays.

very good write Kubla !
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[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much Anand :)