A frozen existence

a simple "rhyming" winter poem, an experiment in word choice and mood in as few words as possible

A frozen existence

 

Your footsteps lace the darkened path

The trail of winter’s hoary wrath

Inside the shade of this nocturnal embrace

White rain caresses your soft, ashen face

As you are isolated, from the human race

 

But even through nature’s vicious spite

Within the darkest shade of night

Your light still seems to show me sight

Into this vast and empty

Wonderland of white

Author's Note

i wanted to challenge myself, so i set up some guidelines #1) the poem has to be only two stanzas #2) the poem has to have 5 lines per stanza #3) and i can only use the word winter once in the poem #4) and the mood of the poem in the first stanza has to be depressing while the second has to be uplifting. i hope u enjoy it :)

Reviews

[Queen of Chaos]

love it!!!!! "footsteps lace the darkened path..."=great use of figurative language.lol.keep writing.:D

[Aileen]

luv'ed it. vrry nice. i could never write like tht. or do it th way u did.
keap up th great work
ur friend
Aileen

[LeeAnne]

"But even through nature's vicious spite
Within the darkest shade of night
Your light still seems to show me sight"

I love this part. It's so...so...just amazing! Lol. I could've never though of something that good!

[Pakino]

Neat. I like the rhyming and the message in the story. Well done in such few lines.

[Laura E. Aranda]

You are very intelligent
and for such a young age using the vocab. you do is impressive.
I am entering a couple of pieces of work in your contest
you ask for short poetry
have you thought of asking for a haiku to read as well?
You may want to allow people to enter those as well, in that case, if the haiku they enter is not listed under poetry you might have to change your stipulations so their haiku can be on the list to enter
Hopefully that makes sense!!!!!
cheers, lea

[Kiya]

Why winter when you're in summer? I just was wondering :) but this is a very simple yet delightful poem. In what way did you want to use hoary? I had to look it up (I'm not the best when it comes to different words) and there are a number of meanings: 1: White or grey with age
2: Remote time in past
3: moldy, mossy, musty
There are other meanings as well, but they are used in zoology and botany. I'm in winter at the moment but it doesn't snow here it just rains. I love the rain though, so I guess it's ok. Yet another wonderful poem from you. Well done :)

[Kiya]

Why winter when you're in summer? I just was wondering :) but this is a very simple yet delightful poem. In what way did you want to use hoary? I had to look it up (I'm not the best when it comes to different words) and there are a number of meanings: 1: White or grey with age
2: Remote time in past
3: moldy, mossy, musty
There are other meanings as well, but they are used in zoology and botany. I'm in winter at the moment but it doesn't snow here it just rains. I love the rain though, so I guess it's ok. Yet another wonderful poem from you. Well done :)

[Lexy]

You did very well on your challenge. Words can definitely create the mood of something. I say that because it seems like you were trying but somehow it wasn't what you were actually saying. Of course, we all know how bad I am at that. The rhyming seemed kind of simplistic, and that was a good touch to a deeper poem. At least, that's what I think.