Enlightenment

Enlightenment

 

The moment I discovered

My mind opened up to the world

My eyes glistened with significance

With the beauty of knowing

That you were equal to me

In emotion,

In Feeling,

The blood

Rushing through me

Faster than ever,

Like the rapids of some un-tamed river

All this time

All I’ve wanted,

Was for someone

To open up to me

To show me that love can be real

 Not just a trick of the mind

 I’ve wanted something close

Something I can touch

Someone I could feel

A soul who cares,

who truly thinks about me

When their alone

When I’m alone

Waiting for their call

Someone to embrace my heart

Lift me above the boundaries

That once held my body below the surface

Before my hourglass runs dry

And my soul falls back down to earth

 

Reviews

[Hannah Olivia]

:D I looveee this poem, tis amazing. I agree with the earlier comments, how people can relate to it :3
Nice work!

[Pakino]

Really nice. I can some what relate to the poem. Awesome read good job.

[Aileen]

wow vrry, nice. i now 2 ppl who probly feel tht way. n im not one of them. lol keap up th great work my friend=)~

[Lexy]

This is well written. I think a lot of teenagers, especially young ones, feel the same way as this poem indicates.

[Geoffers]

I agree with the others! Keep writing verse from the edge of the skull as it occurs to you cuz you're doing a great job at it.

[Chaotic Mind]

ahhh and now i see the depth in your writing. This is a ver good example of what i meant before about showing your depth in your emotions. Its very good and i cannot seem to find anything to improve it, except maybe to put it into seperet stanzas may help the reader as you switch from topic to topic.
oh and also you say
"That you were equal to me
In emotion,
In Feeling,"
i think you may want to add either an "and" or another thing in which you are equil to one another.

[am i at all helpful?]

[*kerri*]

This is such a good read. The poem flows nicely and you've written it very well.
I really liked some of the imagery--it felt like I could almost see some of the things you've written about.
Great job!