Stained with mistake

Everything was white, and not a pure white, a blinding white. The kind of white that hurts just to look at. The sky, ground, distance, all white. The only color was the dirt that had crumbled out of his books as he had walked.

The rich earth that had flaked off stretched out behind him. Shadowing his footsteps, and recording his past. With each step another layer of his story fell from his shoulders. Another memory left him. As he drew closer to losing himself.

Author's Note

this is a metaphor for maturing, and going through life. The dirt symbolizes the mistakes that have been made. Without those mistakes and hardships nothing would have been left behind.

Reviews

[Wesley D. Stein]

I really enjoyed this piece. The brevity of it lowered any expectation of such a vast concept, yet delivered it just the same. My only criticisms were of your use of the word 'that' too often. Try to use 'that' as little as possible. Also, you need to use a comma more often and continue the thought, rather than start a new sentence- it will help the pacing, which should help it to be more dramatic and sweeping as it moves. If it is subtlety you are going for, great, but the long paused create drama too, just not as eloquently. I took the liberty of editing this the way I would any piece for publication. Keep writing.

Everything was white, not a pure white, but a blinding white. The kind of white which hurts to behold. The sky, ground, distance, all white. The only color was the dirt, crumbling out of his books and staining the pristine earth as he walked.
The rich earth that had flaked off stretched out behind him, shadowing his footsteps, and recording his past. With each step another layer of his story fell from his shoulders. Another memory left him. As he drew closer to losing himself.

[SmileBig :)]

I love this! Such a good metaphor, and it's well written :)